Post # 1
hello so alittle background I am going to be 32 in april and my Boyfriend or Best Friend lets name him Dave is turning 37 this year. we met when i was about 19 yrs old… we were friends with benfits for a long time. we would date others and as soon as we became single we always hung out there was never a label and he was busy building his business and i was busy hanging out.
anyway we parted ways just naturally then one day we met out of the blue. it was about 3 years since we spoke or last saw eachother. we exchange numbers and ultimately decided that we wanted to give it a try. i moved in about 2 months later.
our relationship was awesome we talked about marriage and that it was great bc we had such a history . i knew hime before he had his business, i was the only girl that he has ever opened up to…. then at about 1 1/2 yrs he came to me with those dreded words ” i need space, its not you it me blah blah… something is missing and i need to figure it out”
i was devasted i moved out and tried to pick the pieces up and it was just before the holidays that i got dumped so that was soo hard for me. i went NC then at around 2 1/2 months he called and we met up.
so now i guess were dating, butu unfortunatkly his business is busier than ever and he works 7 days a week no joke…we see eachother 1x a week and speak/text 2-3x a week. i come over as its easier and there is privacy sinve i live with a roomate.
he knows that i want to get married and when we spoke about it he says that hes so busy and that he has no time for anything and that hes has to be financially ready and since he works all the time he scared that he wont be around for when we have kids blah blah…
however he wants me in his life … i guess what do i do, should i wait or should i give him a few more months as we just starting dating again in january. i love him so musch and i know he is the one.. but cmon at 37 theres never a perfect time to get married, if its about $$ there will always be wanting more.
i dont want to be a hookup like i was in the past
any thoughts… all his friends are married and on there second child.
Post # 3
It doesn’t sound like he has the time to devote to a family right now. If you’re ok with that, tell him you want to get married! But I’m a little concerned that you say “I guess we’re dating”… maybe clarify that first.
Post # 4
It sounds like you guys have very different expectations for the future. I also find it weird that you guys only talk once or twice a week. I know he’s busy with work, but even a 10 minute phone call at night isn’t asking too much.
I think you should have a convo. with him about what exactly you guys are doing. Is he thinking that this is a hookup, or a real relationship that is going somewhere?
Post # 5
I don’t care how busy you are, when you love someone you speak more than once or twice a week. Move on. Life is too short to waste it waiting on this situation.
Post # 6
You might be. If work is going to take precedence than I think it always will.
Post # 7
@mixtapehearts: ummm ya sorry but i definitely agree with this.
Post # 8
This seems like a very casual relationship to me. Not the stages in the past, but the stage now. You want marriage but you said yourself you ‘guess’ you’re dating. /have you even asked if you’re exclusive?
Post # 9
It sounds like you’re dating my ex-boyfriend. I loved him like crazy, and could have spent my life with him, but he was the same way – didn’t want to commit. I remember once asking my mom if it takes some guys longer to “grow up.” She was honest with me and said, “Honey, sometimes they never do.” She was right. He’s done the exact same thing to each girl that followed me, and he’s still in the same spot. I am so thankful I left. Because of that I was able to meet my Fiance, and my life couldn’t be better.
Post # 10
when he called you after splitting did you tell him exactly what you want and need out of your relationship because its sounds like hes got everything he wants and no reason to change
im sorry but i feel if a woman gets to the point they need to ask strangers what should i do, she knows the answer. i think you need to stop wasting your time and accepting less than what you deserve, hopefully it will be a wakeup call for him to set his priorities and one of them is you
goodluck – i know it sucks to be in your position but be strong and committed to yourself, it takes two to make a relationship work and he needs to want a future with you as well
Post # 11
It does sound like you’re wasting your time with him if you want to get married. It seems as though he’s using you until “someone better” comes along. Since you were friends with benefits before it’s very hard to break out of that and have someone see you differently. I would cut my losses and try to find someone who is on the same page you are when it comes to wanting marriage. You seem like a very nice, sweet person who deserves someone to love you as much as you love them. I hate those stupid, “I need my space” words – hello – take your space but you can’t have me along with it! It’s just an excuse. Move on and find someone worthy of you.
Post # 12
It is time for you to move on 🙁
you already lived with him, the next step should have been an engagement and gettin married, you cant go backwards, dont let yourself get sucked in…. its not fair to you
I know its hard, and it really really sucks, but you have learned that you both have different priorities, this is not going to work. dont waste anymore time, get out there, start dating get the man you deserve and have the kids you want, easier said then done, I know, but its also better to do it now then to wait around and have all your dreasm dissapear
Post # 13
I would sit down with him, meet him at work if you have to, schedule a meeting whatever it takes. Because honestly, how do you have a relationship based on a couple text and seeing each other just once a week?
I mean, I can understand if he was in the military, traveled for work a lot, or lived a couple hours away.. but doesnt seem to be the case.
Reminds me of myself and my story with my fiance .
He and I were friends that became more with benefits that lasted about 4 years, we both lived with our parents and with me having a child I was very strict on what I wanted for myself and my child.
I moved out of my parents home and into my first apartment and I made it very clear to him that I wasn’t going to put up with being just a booty call. That I wanted more than just seeing him over the weekend. I loved him since we first met, I loved our friendship, I enjoyed spending time with his family, and I could just see us together as a couple because although we didn’t date anyone else it still didnt feel as if we were a real couple.
With me living on my own at that point I made it very clear that I didn’t NEED him but I wanted him in my life. And that if I wasn’t important enough to him to be more than just sex then to just leave me alone.
Needless to say.. since that day we have not spent one day without each other. And that will make 3 years this April. So sometimes making your stand and letting them know what you want and will not put up with is a clear sign of what they want.
That’s the best thing I can say, I do hope he wakes up and realizes what he has with you!
Post # 14
I had a guy friend like this. Some people just aren’t made for commitment.
ETA: when I say guy friend, I mean we had a similar relationship to you and you boyfriend.
Post # 15
Ahh geez, I feel for you! I think you first need some clarity surrounding if you are actually dating because it seems as if you are a little unsure of that point. Never apologise for what you want in life though – there is nothing wrong with wanting to get married and have kids and his excuses over being financially ready shouldnt stop you both being able to at least have a conversation about the next steps!
Post # 16
Sounds like he’s getting all he wants out of your relationship right now– he wants to work and make money and he gets the security of having somebody hanging around him when he wants them. I think you should move on.