Am I wasting my time in this relationship?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would not carry on with any relationship I had to keep a secret. It’s either worth being honest for or it’s not. It sounds like currently it’s not.

Do you see this relationship having a future? Do you see him fitting in with your parents, family and friends? 

Post # 4
7206 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t see any positves in this relationships based on what you have shared. If your best friend told you exactly what you stated, about her man, what would you think?

Post # 5
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Forget the “keeping it secret” from your parents – I can understand you’re between a rock and a hard place between needing their financial support for school and wanting to date the person you love.

Where it draws the line? He has flirtatious lady friends who step over the line, he doesn’t know how to establish boundaries with his ex-wife and is perpetually at his whims, you don’t like his parenting style, he’s critical of you, he’s gone on dates you didn’t know about – OP, read all of that. As the tried-and-true advice goes…would you want your friend to be with someone like this?

I don’t see a future for this relationship. You’re seeing that it’s hard to bond with someone else’s child. It’s all the more difficult when you’re in the “stepparent” role and truly, your power is limited. You don’t like your boyfriend’s parenting style.

There is someone available out there whose lifestyle would mesh much more with yours. Do what you need to do to move out on your own (it appears you were living together for part of the past 3 years?).

Post # 6
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

cut your losses hon and finish the relationship.


as hard as it is, there are some real elements in there that will make it too hard for you in the future

If you feel your family will not approve of him, be prepared to have a strained relationship with your parents for the whole of your relationship. If your familys approval and relationship is very important to you. Leave

If his parenting values are not like yours, and say you do have a child and you end up breaking up… would you be comfortable with him raising your child the same way he does his daughter? if not, leave now. 

If your man is letting his ex wife walk all over him now and it bugs you… be prepared for her to do it throughout your whole relationship with this guy untill his daughter is an adult. dont be surprised if he allways puts you second to his ex wife. It happens. if you cant live with it now, you will hate it even more when you are married

I think you have made up your mind… dont feel bad for it because he is a nice guy and you like him. There are plenty of guys are out there that are like that, but arnt the one for you. Thats ok. Finish your masters single and hopefully you can stay friends and if things work out better in the future, you can always go back but at least this time you wont be hiding anything from your family





Post # 8
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

1. I think it’s manipulative to continue to take your parents money when you are living a life style you know they would disagree with (not that I think there is a problem with your relationship-but clearly they would). If you make an adult decision to be in a relationship you should be an adult and either tell them and hope they will continue to support you or support yourself financially.


2. Really it doesn’t sound like this is something that will make it long term, the two of you are on different pages completely-different plans for your relationship, parenting, etc. You could always just enjoy your time with him and let it run its course. Maybe things iwll change, maybe they won’t.

Post # 10
2394 posts
Buzzing bee



There are four issues going on here, and this is my advice:

1 – Your parents won’t accept that your boyfriend is divorced and has a kid — not something that should concern you. You have to move forward with your life. You can’t marry your parents. You are the only one who can choose a mate for yourself.

2. He is a dedicated father and this requires that you do not get his dedicated attention at all times. I can see how this is frustrating for you, but you have to understand that if you choose to be with a man who has a child from a previous relationship, you’re simply not going to be at the top of his list at all times. Only you can decided if this is something you can tolerate. But you can’t expect him to stop making his child a priority.

3. He accepts phone calls from a lot of lady friends who are telling him not to spend so much time with you?! And he lets women hit on him right in front of you?! DEALBREAKER.

4. He went on dates with other women on the sly?! DEALBREAKER.

I would end the relationship. The fact that he’s divorced and has a child are things you could work with and overcome. The other women in his life? Dealbreakers.


RUN! Don’t waste any more time on this guy. 

Post # 11
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@soosad:  Leave him. The two of you are not compatible. I wasn’t automatically going to say to leave until I got the the part where he went on dates with an ex. This relationship is no good.

Post # 14
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship, period. You’ve listed all of the reasons why yourself, so I don’t think I need to repeat them. I think you deserve more.

Post # 15
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@soosad:  Let’s say he is being completely faithful. Your relationship sounds hard to me. I couldn’t handle the kid and the ex. I also don’t like that he doesn’t think you are ambitious when you are working on a master’s degree.

This is probably the biggest compatibility factor I see: You are traditional, and he is not. If marriage is important to you, this is something you really need to think about. He’s already had a failed marriage. Those two factors together makes it seem unlikely that this relationship is going to end in marriage.

It’s your decision. We don’t know him like you do. If this post is more of a vent and things are really pretty good most of the time, then maybe it will all work out.

Post # 16
2394 posts
Buzzing bee



Well, they do not hit on him in front of me

My dear. It doesn’t matter whether it’s online or in real life. If it’s right there on his Facebook page where he knows you can see it — then yes, he is letting them flirt right in front of you. He’s encouraging it by writing nice replies to them. You shouldn’t even have to see this. If he were 100% committed to you, he wouldn’t even be Facebook friends with them! Or he would delete their comments. This is NOT the behavior of a man who is committed to you.


And the date behind my back. It happened with one university friend, who hit on him. 

I promise, I don’t mean to upset you with what I am about to say. But have you stopped to think that this “one time” is only the one that you know about? And that there probably were many other dates?


Please, please, please don’t put your head in the sand. 

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