(Closed) Am I weird?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Hostess
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

While I can see that you want a very private, intimate wedding.. a wedding is a celebration of your love, and yes, making vows to be today.

Be flattered that his family wants to be there! Obviously, they approve very much of you, and want to celebrate your wedding with you.

That being said, if they are willing to go, I would at least invite your very close relatives. [Moms & dads, maybe even siblings]. But aunts & people you hardly know shouldn’t be there, esp. if your moms/dads arent. I know my mom would be very hurt if I got married and she wasn’t there!

How does your fi feel about it? Does he want just you & him? Or does he want a celebration? Also ask your parents how they feel about it.

Either way, it’s your wedding and you can do it how you want. You don’t have to invite anyone besides you, and him, & the officiant of course.

Post # 4
Member
7653 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

If your FI is ok with just going to Vegas and getting married then I say go and get married and don’t tell anyone about it. If your FI wants his family there, I think it is very unfair to have a wedding for you two and your family but not his.

Post # 5
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

You aren’t weird, a lot people want a small wedding with just the bride and groom.  I would have a sit down with your FI and figure out if you can come to a comprise.  Maybe just invite imediate family.  It is your day but it is his too so if he would like to celebrate with other people then you shouldn’t stop him from inviting a few people.  But I really think you guys need to figure what is most important to both of you on that day.

Post # 6
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You’re not weird!  A lot of people think that a wedding has to be about letting all your family and friends witness the instant you two become officially (religiously, or legally, or both) a couple.  But plenty of people feel the way you feel: that the vows you’re saying and that moment is a very intimate, private one, and they would be mortified to have anyone else listening in or watching.

My opinion is that your family and friends have an entire lifetime to witness you two as a couple, and if they’re upset at not being there the exact second it happens, they have a right to be, but that’s their problem, not yours.  Obviously in the real world, having upset parents or in-laws ends up being somewhat your problem as well as theirs, but ultimately this is YOUR wedding, not theirs, and therefore YOUR decision.

Depending on whether your resistance to the fuss and hoopla of weddings is specific to the ceremony, or general for the whole day, you could do a private ceremony with just you and FH, or just you two and both sets of parents, and then have a casual party for everyone else so they get their chance to congratulate you and celebrate your commitment.  (Even if they don’t get to listen in on the wording of the commitment itself.) 

If you do that, though, be careful about how you word the invitations so that no one expects a ceremony and then doesn’t get it.  And be aware that some people will FREAK OUT if you’re registered for gifts.  I personally think it’s absolutely fine to register even if most guests are only invited to the reception, but in my experience on other boards, there are always a few out-there people who cannot be convinced that an invitation to the reception only is not a personal insult (sample, actual quote from someone: “what, you think I’m not GOOD ENOUGH to hear your vows, but you want me to buy you a blender!?”).  But most sane people will understand that this is about your preferences and your comfort sharing your intimate feelings and moments, and not some weirdly oblique way of insulting them.

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@kjthomps:  agreed and well said!

OP, I think it is somewhat unusual to want a private wedding, just the couple. I have tried exlaining this to friends and family and they don’t seem to understand why we wouldn’t want them there, and are prepared to be hurt by it. But I completly agree with you- I’d rather just the two of us get married.

Post # 8
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

We just ran away to Vegas in December and got married. It was fantastic! He told his parents about a month before and they really wanted to come. I told my dad when we got engaged and he really wanted to come too. We just respectfully told them that we wanted it to be private, just the two of us. He called his brothers while we were on our way and his sister in law offered to hop on the road right then and meet us.

In the end, while everyone was sad to not be there for the wedding itself (which was all of 5 minutes long, and then about 30 minutes of pictures), they were happy to celebrate with us when we got home. We’re having a party at his parent’s house a week from Sunday, all planned by my MIL, which is great by us because we really didn’t want anything, but aren’t going to deny anyone the chance to have a party for us if they really want to.

In the end, like PP said, its up to the two of you. You want just him and you, what does he really want? Does he just feel guilty? Will he continue to feel guilty? I did for a little bit because I had wanted to invite close family, but he really didn’t. But honestly, after a few days I got over it, and everything was fine anyway. I was happy to just be with him the whole time. No awkwardness, no obligations to others.

My advice? If your FI is onboard, run off to Vegas and tell everyone about it on your way or the day of. Explain it was just important for it to be you and him.

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