Post # 1
Am I crazy? My FMIL asked me about my upcoming bachelorette party and hinted (not so subtly) that she wanted to come. She had my FH when she was young, so I feel like she’s always trying to be my friend instead of my FMIL. FH doesn’t see a problem with it. She used to come hang out in his dorm when he was in college!!!!!!!!! I feel bad, but I am not looking to have this type of relationship with her and I think I’m coming off as being snobby. The kicker…she offered to let me borrow the garter from her wedding! Can you all give me some advice on how to politely handle this woman? Should I just accept her for who she is or try to set some boundaries even though it might offend her and my FH. Please help! I’m desperate for advice! Thanks girls! 🙂
Post # 3
I guess it depends what you do for your bachelorette party I suppose. You are lucky, though, that you FMIL is trying to have a good relationship with you. I do think it’s a little odd that she used to go hang out at his dorm, but if she tries anything really odd like that with you I would try to set some boundaries for sure. As far as her garter goes, I see nothing wrong with borrowing it…it’s something old and borrowed, and maybe even be something blue.
Post # 4
To some degree, I think you have to accept this relationship with your new MIL. However, it would creep me out to have my FMIL attend my bachelorette party. You and your friends may not feel like you can be yourselves, but maybe there is one part of the night to which she can come, and maybe your FH would be OK communicating the boundaries? That way, you know you have his buy in, and it usually causes less strain when "rejection" comes from the blood relative. My BF has been pretty good about setting boundaries with his family. (They were using their key a little too freely, and we almost had an ‘incident’.)
Post # 5
I agree that it would be extremely strange and uncomfortable for your FMIL to come along. I suggest that you not talk about the bachelorette party with her so that you don’t have to say "no" or come up with any possible reason or excuse that she could counter.
While I think it would be great if she could come to a certain aspect of it and not some, she may take it really personally and perhaps get offended that she is not welcome which may leave a sour taste in her mouth. You may also feel bad about not including her and may not enjoy your time later (at least, this is how I would feel!).
It seems like she is really trying to build a good relationship with you like the other girls say. This is really nice and you should take advantage of it.
My personal suggestion is that you extend an open hand and take her up on wanting to "hang out" but make it something with just you and her. Give her a call and invite her to do something girly together. Just the two of you for some quality time. This way, she feels included and special because she is having exclusive time with you and you can also bond. She won’t feel left out and you’ll also return the gesture of building a relationship with her. You and your other girls at the bachelorette party won’t feel strange and uncomfortable, and this way she doesn’t feel like she’s being rejected.
Alternatively, if not exclusive time together, you could arrange a girl’s day out with her and some of your girlfriends as well, but do something that’s not bachelorette party related so there is no chance of being in an awkward position.
Post # 6
That is really sweet that she feels comfortable enough around you to want to hang out with you at your bachelorette party, but sound like you aren’t there yet. I would certainly take the garter-how cute! There is your "something borrowed" or "something old". I would have loved to have worn my FMIL’s garter (she is no longer living and all of her wedding memorbilia is lost).
Post # 7
Thanks girls, I appreciate the advice. Although my FH is great, he just doesn’t understand this stuff.
Post # 8
It’s important to do what is comfortable for you. Someone is throwing you a party to commemorate the end of your single days. It’s kind of strange to have your FI’s mom there. Even if she was/is one of the ‘cool’ moms, I can see how that could be odd. Not sure who is invited to your bachelorette party, but you may be able to work that, especially if it is just you and your MOH/BMs. Not sure how much you know about what your bachelorette party plans entail, but you could explain that it’s just you and the girls, but that you’d love to spend some time with her – either as part of a larger girl day or for lunch or tea or whatever.
Post # 9
I don’t have much advice, but my FMIL is the same way! She is always calling us and wanted to go to bars with us and gets upset when FI has to tell her that I have school and he has work at 8am and we won’t be able to go. I think the most important thing is to get your FI to understand why that might be awkward for you. Then he can help explain things without putting you in a tough situation.
Post # 10
I wish my mother in law wanted to be a friend… You’re lucky 🙂