Post # 1
I am a long time reader, but first time poster. It just seems very supportive here and I was wondering if you all wouldn’t mind helping me out with your opinions.
I have been dating the same person since high school, which was now 9 years ago. We went to college separately, one in Boston, one in New York so I think we’ve done a good job of being together and growing together but each becoming out own person. I love him so much and I am so happy with him, but as the idea of marriage gets closer I am starting to worry A LOT about money.
We were both fortunate enough to grow up comfortable, nothing crazy, but never had to worry about anything. I want to be able to provide the same life for my children. I am now in medical school and will probably become a pediatrician or an OB. My boyfriend is not on as clear of a track though. He worked in publishing for a while before being laid off, then tried law school for a year but it wasn’t for him, and now he works in marketing. He just started there and makes some money but not a lot, certainly not a lot for the NYC area. I guess I’m just worried that he is not as committed to being financially secure as I am. He is not a slacker, but sometimes I worry that he’s not as driven. Then I feel bad for feeling like I’m only concerned about money. I’m really not a hugely materialistic person, but after all the hard work I’ve put in, I want to be able to live a comfortable life.
I guess I’m just wondering what to do. If I could go live somewhere where money didn’t matter I’d marry him tomorrow. But in the real world I don’t know how to approach the subject of him making more money without sounding obsessed about it. Money seems like such a silly and sad reason for not marrying my first and only love, but at the same time money makes the world go ’round.
Any suggestions or advice?
Post # 3
I applaud you for being so honest, really I do.
I can relate. My SO wasn’t driven by money either and in time it really started to worry me. I mean, I am by no means obsessed with money but I sure as hell started to feel like I was.
And I too didn’t want/need a mansion or to live a life of luxury, but I started to mature and realise that yes, money is not the most important thing of all, but … money is necessary in order to live well – money for doctors, a home, food and holiday breaks for working hard etc.
Of course, if money was not an issue I would of married him in a heartbeat, but that’s just not how things are in reality (sadly).
So… my advice to you is that I would stop worrying that you are turning into a materialistic person – you aren’t – you just know the difference between being poor and living comfortably and you want whats best for you and your family in the future.
With regard to your SO, I would try to help him realise that 1) he could and will benefit from being more financially aware and secure, 2) he needs to be both.
What made you realise this… consider this… and then help him realise 🙂
Post # 4
Would you ever move someplace where the cost of living is lower? Relocating can go a looooooong way, not only for him but also for your malpractice insurance costs. Truthfully, I don’t think anyone is ever as driven as a doctor, and he will never measure up to you. But in the long run, it might be good for your relationship if he can balance out super-busy-doctor you with some of his own more laid back attitude and free time.
Post # 5
Thank you both so much for your advice. This really is a good place to be. I guess I have to do what I have known I should do and just open up a good and honest conversation on the topic. I seem to be able to talk to him about everything else, this should be no exception.
The problem with relocating is that this is the area we both grew up in and where our entire families live. However, it is definitely something to consider.
Post # 6
Heyy there 🙂
I agree with those above but there is also another way in which you could tackle the situation without the focus being all about the money. Seeing as those he keeps changing his mind about his career path, maybe sit him down and ask him if he’s really happy with where he is with life . This conversation starter could then lead to the topic about income and the future of your finances. You definitely have nothing to worry about or feel bad about. It’s lovely that you’re thinking ahead not only for the two of you but your future family.
I wish you all the best of luck! x