Post # 1
we got married last year in december and we had everything we could afford at the time. But it wasnt everything i wanted. We had family memebers doing the hair and make up and pictures and got my dress from the internet which was what we could afford however it didnt fit as it should have. Also alot of guests didnt turn up because it was a wednesday wedding and they couldnt or wouldnt get the time off work.
Also our wedding rings we have (9ct white gold) corroded within 5 month, after taking them back to the shop we have found out the metal was faulty and had to buy new ones.
Ive spoke to my husband about renewing our vows in 2015 in the summer and he thinks that all i want is an excuse to have another party and there is no need for it, but i dont see it that way. What i was wanting is to have everything we wanted in the first place that we couldnt have the first time round. A dress that fitted right, photos that look nice and bridesmaids that cared about the wedding instead of themselves and how they looked and their lives. (like planning a last minute trip to london on the week it was her last dress fitting, then complaining all day on the wedding that her dress was too long). By the way 2 of my bridesmaids went home half way through the day to get changed out of their dresses because they said they felt out of place.
I also feel that with the wedding rings falling apart on us that i want to have them blessed again by the vicor but he said he would have to charge us again for it, i would rather wait a couple of years and then do a renew. we are in alot better place finacially now aswell.
am i wrong for thinking this. Is my husband right to think that doing a renew is just an excuse for having another wedding and spending more money.
Post # 3
Hmm, let’s see. Does your husband agree that your wedding didn’t go well? You got to remember that men don’t see all the details so much, they see it as ‘we’re married, what else matters’? so he might just not be seeing what you’re talking about.
Having said that, I’m not big on the vow renewals. The few I’ve heard about have been kinda self-centred and gift-grabby. I’m sure you can do it without being that way, but I can kind of see where he’s coming from…
Post # 4
Aw I can totally understand why you would want to renew and have some of the things you weren’t able to the first time around. Most guys (that I know) aren’t super excited about the process of a wedding. Yes, they want to get married, but I can’t say that my FI is particularly excited about all of the details of it like I am. Thats probably why your DH thinks its silly. He was probably excited to marry you, and now that he did his practical mind thinks that its over and finished. I would just explain how important it is to you and that people do renewal ceremonies all the time.
Post # 5
I see nothing wrong with vow renewals in principle BUT I don’t think throwing another big party for your 3rd wedding anniversary is really necessary. If you want your rings blessed, have a renewal with just yourselves and the vicor. Wait until a ‘significant’ anniversary and a little more time has passed before you throw another big party – like 10 years.
My friends are renewing their vows every 5 years in a different country but it will be just them & a photographer (they just did one in NYC, there was no officiant, they wrote vows that they exchanged and had a photog capture the moment). It’s really beautiful and personal.
Post # 6
I pretty much agree with your husband. Sorry! I know that’s not what you want to hear.
Also, I think you are setting yourself up for disappointment with the vow renewal. What if that one doesn’t go well? Are you going to plan a third event?
You’re already married, and ultimately that was the point of having your wedding.
Post # 7
@MsGinkgo: Thats a really cool thing your friends are doing! So sweet 🙂
Post # 8
@MsGinkgo: That’s what I was thinking.. I’ve only heard of vow renewals for 10 and 25 years (or more)
Post # 9
we dont want gifts or anything like that, all i want is to have the blessing with me and my husband,our children, close family and bridesmaids and my husbands original bestman. And the party afterward i dont want the sit down meal or anything like that, just a room with all the people who couldnt make it before a little dancing and a buffet.
I want pictures that i can look at and feel happy to display them in our home, at the moment i look at them and see an ivory blob because the dress didnt fit properly. Bridesmaids with faces like thunder and they wasnt very nice pictures.
I can see what my husband is saying but i just dont think he understands where i am coming from with it all
Post # 10
@samjibabe: If your vow renewal will be as intimate as you state above (husband, child(ren), close family, bridesmaids, bestman) then do it. Otherwise, hosting a second wedding doesn’t seems to me a bit overboard. I would wait until a larger milestone anniversary to host a gala but getting together with those you love most to have your rings blessed, reaffirm your vows and take pictures? Why not!
Post # 11
@MsGinkgo: That’s very cool with your friends. A pre-arranged private ceremony at regular intervals. Until coming here, I’d also only heard of vow renewals at much longer intervals or after some marriage crisis. But, I know there are a number of Bees who decide that an early renewal is just the thing for them. It seems like they’re choosing it for several reasons: finances wouldn’t allow everything they wanted, circumstances ‘forced’ marriage at time that wouldn’t allow larger ceremony, or the ceremony itself was disappointing.
I guess I’m more sympathetic to your Husband’s point of view on this though. I’d be thinking that we’d already spent what we could afford several years ago, and now, maybe, we’re in a bit better place financially, but do we need to spend more money on the same thing? Will having a vow renewal really make you forget that at your ‘real’ wedding you had crummy bridesmaids? It may – if so, see if you can make him understand your reasoning and go for it.
I can totally understand wanting to re-bless the rings. I think I’d want that if I ever lost the ring that I was married with.
Post # 12
if you want nice photos, go take a photoshoot with just you and your husband! wear a nice dress if you want, but no need to have your bridesmaids and all those other extra people involved. if they weren’t too into it the first time, they’re not going to be magically more involved the second time.
Post # 13
I think it sounds lke a very nice idea to have an anniversary party, but not another wedding. I agree with your husband, sorry.
Post # 14
Since when does a church official charge money to bless things? That is ridiculous, I’d be going to a new church.
Your bridesmaids aren’t going to be any happier to be in your vow renewal than they were to be in your wedding.
Overall I have to side with your husband on this one.
Post # 15
A wedding is a party; the marriage is the important part. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I agree with your husband. You listed reasons like wanting a dress that fit right and bridesmaids who cared, which to me have more to do with a wedding than a marriage. You should do a vow renewal because you want to recommit to the relationship you and your husband share; because you want to reaffirm your marriage and the love that lays its foundation, not because the wedding wasn’t all you hoped. Also, to most people, a vow renewal (especially one so soon) is less important than an actual wedding; if your goal is to get people to care more it may backfire.
That said, if you want your friends and family to be able to celebrate with you, why not throw an anniversary party? You and your husband can say a speech and explain about your rings wearing out, and exchange rings again. Especially if you keep it low-key, that could be a good compromise for you and your husband.
Post # 16
@samjibabe: I don’t think you’re “wrong” per se, you feel the way you do. The wedding day had its disappointments. But you’re MARRIED to the man of your dreams!
Maybe I’m jaded…three time bride here…my first two weddings were “fairy tale perfect” with pretty pictures to prove it. The actual marriages? Not so much…hence, my THIRD wedding! Which, by the way, was fraut with little things that went wrong left and right all day, during the ceremony, etc., BUT I wouldn’t have cared if a pack of Wildebeasts came running thru, end result is, we were surrounded by the people who love us the most and we pledged our vows before god and our chosen witnesses!
contemplating a vow renewal this soon in seems a little silly to me. If I were family, or an invited guest to one for “newlyweds” I’d seriously scratch my head wondering, WHY???
I’d really try to appreciate the positive parts of your actual wedding day, and contemplate doing something special for your 5 year anniversary, a splurge vacation somewhere for instance, and hire a photographer on location to capture special moments celebrating a milestone anniversary date.
I am truly sorry about your rings. That would probably be my biggest frustration/disappointment. But to have a “re-do” just seems nonsensical dear…especially since Hubs isn’t on the same page about it.