Am i wrong

posted 3 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 3
Member
844 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Hmm, let’s see. Does your husband agree that your wedding didn’t go well? You got to remember that men don’t see all the details so much, they see it as ‘we’re married, what else matters’? so he might just not be seeing what you’re talking about.

Having said that, I’m not big on the vow renewals. The few I’ve heard about have been kinda self-centred and gift-grabby. I’m sure you can do it without being that way, but I can kind of see where he’s coming from…

Post # 4
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Aw I can totally understand why you would want to renew and have some of the things you weren’t able to the first time around. Most guys (that I know) aren’t super excited about the process of a wedding. Yes, they want to get married, but I can’t say that my FI is particularly excited about all of the details of it like I am. Thats probably why your DH thinks its silly. He was probably excited to marry you, and now that he did his practical mind thinks that its over and finished. I would just explain how important it is to you and that people do renewal ceremonies all the time.

Post # 5
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I see nothing wrong with vow renewals in principle BUT I don’t think throwing another big party for your 3rd wedding anniversary is really necessary.  If you want your rings blessed, have a renewal with just yourselves and the vicor.  Wait until a ‘significant’ anniversary and a little more time has passed before you throw another big party – like 10 years.  

My friends are renewing their vows every 5 years in a different country but it will be just them & a photographer (they just did one in NYC, there was no officiant, they wrote vows that they exchanged and had a photog capture the moment).  It’s really beautiful and personal.

Post # 6
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I pretty much agree with your husband.  Sorry!  I know that’s not what you want to hear.

Also, I think you are setting yourself up for disappointment with the vow renewal.  What if that one doesn’t go well?  Are you going to plan a third event?

You’re already married, and ultimately that was the point of having your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MsGinkgo:  Thats a really cool thing your friends are doing! So sweet 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee

@MsGinkgo:  That’s what I was thinking.. I’ve only heard of vow renewals for 10 and 25 years (or more)

Post # 10
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@samjibabe:  If your vow renewal will be as intimate as you state above (husband, child(ren), close family, bridesmaids, bestman) then do it. Otherwise, hosting a second wedding doesn’t seems to me a bit overboard. I would wait until a larger milestone anniversary to host a gala but getting together with those you love most to have your rings blessed, reaffirm your vows and take pictures? Why not!

 

Post # 11
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

@MsGinkgo:  That’s very cool with your friends.  A pre-arranged private ceremony at regular intervals. Until coming here, I’d also only heard of vow renewals at much longer intervals or after some marriage crisis. But,  I know there are a number of Bees who decide that an early renewal is just the thing for them.  It seems like they’re choosing it for several reasons:  finances wouldn’t allow everything they wanted, circumstances ‘forced’ marriage at time that wouldn’t allow larger ceremony, or the ceremony itself was disappointing.  

I guess I’m more sympathetic to your Husband’s point of view on this though.  I’d be thinking that we’d already spent what we could afford several years ago, and now, maybe, we’re in a bit better place financially, but do we need to spend more money on the same thing? Will having a vow renewal really make you forget that at your ‘real’ wedding you had crummy bridesmaids?  It may – if so, see if you can make him understand your reasoning and go for it.  

I can totally understand wanting to re-bless the rings.  I think I’d want that if I ever lost the ring that I was married with. 

Post # 12
Member
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

if you want nice photos, go take a photoshoot with just you and your husband! wear a nice dress if you want, but no need to have your bridesmaids and all those other extra people involved. if they weren’t too into it the first time, they’re not going to be magically more involved the second time.

Post # 13
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think it sounds lke a very nice idea to have an anniversary party, but not another wedding. I agree with your husband, sorry.

Post # 14
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Since when does a church official charge money to bless things? That is ridiculous, I’d be going to a new church.
Your bridesmaids aren’t going to be any happier to be in your vow renewal than they were to be in your wedding.
Overall I have to side with your husband on this one. 

Post # 15
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee

A wedding is a party; the marriage is the important part. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I agree with your husband. You listed reasons like wanting a dress that fit right and bridesmaids who cared, which to me have more to do with a wedding than a marriage. You should do a vow renewal because you want to recommit to the relationship you and your husband share; because you want to reaffirm your marriage and the love that lays its foundation, not because the wedding wasn’t all you hoped. Also, to most people, a vow renewal (especially one so soon) is less important than an actual wedding; if your goal is to get people to care more it may backfire.

That said, if you want your friends and family to be able to celebrate with you, why not throw an anniversary party? You and your husband can say a speech and explain about your rings wearing out, and exchange rings again. Especially if you keep it low-key, that could be a good compromise for you and your husband.

Post # 16
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@samjibabe:  I don’t think you’re “wrong” per se, you feel the way you do. The wedding day had its disappointments. But you’re MARRIED to the man of your dreams! 

Maybe I’m jaded…three time bride here…my first two weddings were “fairy tale perfect” with pretty pictures to prove it. The actual marriages? Not so much…hence, my THIRD wedding! Which, by the way, was fraut with little things that went wrong left and right all day, during the ceremony, etc., BUT I wouldn’t have cared if a pack of Wildebeasts came running thru, end result is, we were surrounded by the people who love us the most and we pledged our vows before god and our chosen witnesses! 

contemplating a vow renewal this soon in seems a little silly to me. If I were family, or an invited guest to one for “newlyweds” I’d seriously scratch my head wondering, WHY??? 

I’d really try to appreciate the positive parts of your actual wedding day, and contemplate doing something special for your 5 year anniversary, a splurge vacation somewhere for instance, and hire a photographer on location to capture special moments celebrating a milestone anniversary date. 

I am truly sorry about your rings. That would probably be my biggest frustration/disappointment. But to have a “re-do” just seems nonsensical dear…especially since Hubs isn’t on the same page about it.

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