Weddingbee boards

Here's the situation: My MOH hasn't been seeing anyone, we are allowing her to bring a date to the wedding but RSVPs were due back Friday and she still hasn't asked anyone, so I assumed she would just come alone. I talked to her today about it and she said she would get on it and ask her ex (whom she is still friends with but has drama with regularly) to come. I told her that FI is not comfortable with this guy coming to the wedding, as he knows their history and that there is potential for bad juju to happen. So I told her this and she is furious. She said she doesn't want to come alone and this is totally out of the blue. I told her that I figured she would have known by now if she was bringing a date and that FI and I would have liked to meet said date so it's not a complete stranger invited to the wedding. She doesn't get this and went off on me for not allowing her ex to come with her. What I want to know is am I wrong for not wanting her ex to come to the wedding? Please help bees!

ETA: She did tell us that she would never disrespect us by bringing her ex to our wedding given the general amount of dislike (he cheated, tried to fix things, cheated again so on and so forth)...so this is why this came as such a suprise to me.

Acck!! You don't need their drama at your wedding. You are NOT wrong. You are being realistic, and she isn't. You CAN have a wedding without her there. People are so selfish sometimes! If she will come alone, fine. If she brings man X, fine. If she is bringin man EX...no way!

I can understand your concern about the ex. But I think you should let her bring the ex and just say, "this is our day, please no drama."  If drama comes about, ask them to leave and end the friendship until your BM can grow past this ex.

But what I would have an issue with is where you said that you & FI would want to meet the "guest" beforehand.  I don't quite understand that?  What happens if she just wanted to bring a close girlfriend?  Would you still want to meet that friend as well?  I just don't understand the whole have-to-meet the guest beforehand.  Not to be rude, but you aren't her parents so if she has a +1, then its a +1 regardless.

How much time would you actually spend around the ex?  From what I hear from brides and grooms, they hardly talk to anyone more than a few minutes.  While I think a brief exchange of pleasantries would be nice, that is probably going to be the limit of your interaction.  I appreciate your concern for your friend, but in the end, you extended a plus one, and that usually isn't accompanied with exclusion criteria.  You might not want her to inadvertantly provide the situation to start her down the old path, but she's got to make those decisions.  

I'd I'm not proud to admit this, but I stayed in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere so I didn't have to be the single 30 yo MOH at both of my sister's weddings.  I drug my feet in making the decision before the weddings (they were a few weeks apart) but in the end, I was terrified of having to go alone, mostly because at the time I thought of myself as having failed.  I'm guessing your MOH might have similar feelings, so humor her and let him come.

@ Dancy- It's a little too late for me to not bad mouth him, we've made it abundantly clear to her that we do not like him after he cheated on her. They have been broken up for a year and a half and she has said she will never get back with him because she can't trust him.

@ monitajb- I understand that women don't like going to weddings alone, which is why we allowed her a plus one. It was my understanding that she would not bring him given our feelings and would bring a friend. I do not really want to have to watch them (or have someone else) watch the all night to make sure they behave themselves.

@ Ms.Sassy- as far as the meeting the date thing, I simply meant that if she were to be bringing a guy, it would have been nice to meet him. Seeing as our wedding isn't that big and aren't even inviting all of the people we want to be there, it would be nice if the guy she brought wasn't a complete stranger. I had assumed that when giving the bridal party a +1 option they would perhaps think that if they aren't seeing anyone 3 weeks out from the wedding, it is probably not appropriate to bring a guest. I would have no problem with her bringing a friend, seeing as she is my best friend, I know most  friends she has and it wouldn't be a complete stranger.

@lkbphmd- She will be coming from out of town and I assumed any guest she brings will be at the rehearsal/dinner and stick around for pics after the ceremony. So he would be around for a good portion of the day. I realize the reasoning she doesn't want to be alone, but I don't feel the situation can have any good results...the ex was the guy she thought she was going to marry and I feel that given the fact that they got together just a few months before my FI and me that she will resent him for the fact that he screwed up and those feelings will be amplified at the wedding.

@Tanya- Everytime these two get in the same room there is some sort of fight, which usually escalates to physical (pushing, shouting in each other's faces, etc) there is name calling, they don't really try to hide it or take it outside, they are heat of the moment and don't care where they are at, or she ends up crying. I wish I were exaggerating but they sometimes cannot even get through a phone conversation without screaming at each other. This is what I mean when I say drama.

I agree with mrsmdphd 100%. While I totally understand that your MOH doesn't want to be "alone" at your wedding- out of respect for you and your FI, she should KNOW not to bring him without you even having to tell her. You don't need a Jerry Springer type scene at your wedding. Given their volatile history, I don't blame you for not wanting him there.  

@ Tanya- My FI told me that he will handle it, he decided to send her an e-mail that basically put everything I said and felt into nice terms. He sent it because I was ready to allow the ex to come with the exception that if there was any drama he would be out. FI said absolutely not. He said he would take the heat from her for this decision.

@missjyc, mrsmdphd, and monkeygirl- Thank you so much those were exactly my thoughts.

@Sarafoxy- I agree that maybe I should not have had restrictions on her date, I never really said to her, I have to meet your date, but I have gently asked her over the past few months who she is bringing. I felt that given that our guest count is due in this week and that our RSVP cards were due in last week that when I asked her yesterday, I had assumed she had decided to come alone because she has had months to find someone to bring with her. I felt that when I asked her, she was scrambling to figure out someone to bring just to not be alone, (which I agree, attending a wedding alone is awkward) when in reality she should have talked to someone before the RSVP cards were due.  

What I don't understand is why is she so insistant on bringing someone in the first place?  I understand that most people don't like attending weddings alone, but she's your MOH, not just a regular guest!  ALL of her attention should be on you guys and making sure everything's going well for YOU!  Sure, if she was dating someone, it would be nice to have them there for slow dances and stuff, but I'm sure she could convince a groomsmen to dance with her at least once.  She's not going to have time to pay attention to any guest she brings anyway and if they're not also friends with some of your other guests, they are going to be bored.  She should just go alone.

If she's your MOH she's not going to have drama on your wedding day. I think you're wrong for having so little faith in your friend and her abilities to be a good friend to you on your wedding day. If she feels more comfortable with him there (because they have history) I think you should let her bring who she wants.