- 4 years ago
Ok a little (ok I lied, A LOT now that I’ve typed it) background before I get to what is bothering me (I’ve posted the full story before, this background is just the most recent developments that I haven’t posted from the past couple months)… I’m 30 and he is 33, we have been together a little over 3 years.
In November I had a bit of a melt down over the fact we aren’t engaged and asked him flat out for the reason why he hasn’t proposed yet. He admitted there were 2 reasons… the first being that he really really hates weddings (I reassured him that while I won’t go to the courthouse, I would be happy with something small and intimate with family and our closest friends). The other reason was financial which kind of threw me he makes a lot, has always had plenty of savings, we own a house, etc. I had found out the previous week though that his parents were in really bad financial shape. Both of his parents are self-employed and were uninsured. His dad had been very sick (and hospitalized). Not only could his dad not work and bring in any income, but he had racked up huge medical bills. We all sat down together and worked out a better budget for them and a plan for the future and my BF wrote them a 50k check to help get them back on track. I could completely understand that his savings took a big hit, but at the same time I almost felt like it was an “excuse”, because this whole thing with his parents asking for money had just happened the previous week. He said he saw it coming, and hadn’t bought the 30k ring he had planned on buying because he was afraid the request for help from his parents was coming soon and wanted to make sure he had some liquid money he could give them if needed. I told him if that was the case, I’m glad he made that decision, and that I would much rather be helping family then wearing that ridiculous amount of money on my finger. I also told him I have plenty in savings as well and that if his family needs help or he needs me to take on extra bills I will gladly do so. I also took this opportunity to try and explain to him that I don’t want or need a 30k ring. I would be over the moon excited with a ring from a bubble gum machine. While he refused to get a bubble gum machine ring, I think he did realize he doesn’t need to save up and spend so much, and promised me an engagement was coming soon.
In December… I had made huge gift baskets full of baked goods for his employees and gave them out at the Christmas party he threw for them. Several things happened during the Christmas party. First off, one of his employees and his girlfriend were sitting at our table, along with his boss and his wife. The employee and girlfriend live together (as do we) and there was a whole conversation about living together before marriage, I don’t remember all the details well enough to explain it, but during the conversation it became obvious his boss thought we were already married. Then at the end of the night he gave a little speech and told each of his employees to take one of the gift baskets home that Mrs.(HisLastName) made for them. I have a first name that he could have used for starters to avoid the whole situation, but it really really bothered me that his boss and most of his employees think we are already married. I get it… he knows we are going to be together forever, and we do live as though we are already married, but somehow it really bothered me, that he is claiming we are married when he knows how much I want to be married now.
In December/January… the topic of babies has been coming up A LOT! Every time there is a diaper commercial comes on, we see baby clothes while shopping, friends having babies, etc. We have talked about babies a lot lately, I obviously have baby fever, and he has been getting excited about the idea of a baby soon. Pretty much every time the topic has come up he has made it clear that it is marriage first, then babies… and I’ve agreed. Last week we were having a baby conversation and in attempt to get a timeline I asked when he thought we would start trying. He asked what I thought…. I said I was physically, emotionally, financially ready now so the sooner the better. He commented that this year would be the time to start trying. In my head that meant we would be engaged very soon (which he has said before), married before the end of 2014 and start trying to get pregnant pretty much right away. I was good with that.
Another quick piece of background, before I get to what actually happened (sorry it is soooo long), this may be a little TMI by the way. So about a year into our relationship, my period was late the same week news broke that my birth control pills were recalled and not working. It ended up being a false alarm, but we both made some changes after that. I changed from the pill to the patch and (here comes the TMI) he started pulling out and wouldn’t cum inside me. Well late last year because of the Obamacare legislation that says birth control should be free, my insurance carrier decided that generics are free but they won’t co-pay non-generics at all. There is no generic for the patch and without insurance it is $150 per month. I paid it for a while, but then told him it felt like a huge waste. It wasn’t like we were having a ton of sex and since he was pulling out, I didn’t want to keep throwing away the money. He agreed with me, and even talked about just wearing condoms for a little while. I know “pulling-out” isn’t 100% effective, but it was working for us. Typically he would stop and put a condom on about half way through.
Ok so if you made it this far…. THANKS! Now here is what I’m upset about. Saturday we had sex and he went inside me. I was upset, but assumed it was just in the moment and a slip up on his part. I was mad at myself for agreeing to counting on the pull out method to work. When I said something to him, he said he did it on purpose, that I said I was ready for a baby, he was ready for a baby, and he thought he was giving me what I wanted. He even started joking about shotgun weddings. I was mad and told him I would not have a shotgun wedding, that if I was pregnant, I wouldn’t get married until sometime next year. I did kinda accuse him of doing it on purpose it hopes of just having a courthouse wedding. He said that wasn’t the case and that I shouldn’t freak out, it isn’t like it’s going to work the first time. Well obviously it could work the first time, and we are smack dab in the middle of my ovulation window. He pretty much told me to just wait and we will talk about it next month if I’m actually pregnant. Bees… am I wrong for being upset? Yes I said I was ready, but that was with the understanding we have had all along that it is marriage and then babies.