Am I wrong being offended by inlaws wedding gift?

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Am I wrong being offended by inlaws wedding gift?
    Yes : (20 votes)
    31 %
    No : (44 votes)
    69 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2581 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

    I think the gift itself would be lovely, given as it’s something that’s been in the family a while, but I do think they’re wrong to badmouth you behind your backs – particularly to your husband’s ex!

    Post # 4
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    One word… Graciously.

    Inlaws can be a HUGE issue in a marriage (and can cause many a disagreement, fight, even a divorce for a couple)

    Some Couples are lucky enough to always have a good relationship with their Inlaws… some are not so blessed.

    You happen to be not so blessed

    Some Parents are ok when their children grow up and marry, and the choices they make as an Adult, some are not.

    It truly is more “their issue” than yours (and your Hubby’s as they are his parents)

    Don’t give them reason to see you as the “problem”

    That isn’t to say that things cannot get better (or worse) a lot of is going to be up to you

    Suck it up and smile… smile till it hurts

    (Aka “Kill em with kindness”)

    Hope this helps,

    PS… In future I wouldn’t be discussing Inlaw Issues with other people… especially not someone who has a connection in so much as they may pass that info along, and just make things worse (gossip tends to do that)

     

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Are you right to be offended?  Definitely.  Not being able to “think of something” to get for you is a pathetic excuse. Ever heard of a gift card?

    There’s nothing to be done about it though.  If ultimately they do give you the platter, or whatever, just be gracious and thank them, and move on.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5932 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    @eocenia:  Ugh, this sucks and I feel for you….my in laws hate me, which I take as a compliment because if I fit in with that pack of lycanthropic misfits, I wouldn’t want to live anymore….

    Either way, when Mr. 99 and I tied the knot, we recieved NOTHING from either of his parents, unless you count a huge amount of step-sibling drama a wedding gift…which I  don’t.

    I get why you’re upset, and how this might stick in your craw…but I don’t see how you have any option other than to keep a smile on your face and take anything…whatever it is she gives you, with no small amount of enthusiasm….

    Whenever my MIL does actually give me something, and oddly enough, since we’ve gotten married she has given me a mink stole, a wall clock and an older music box…all of which I blow my stack over how wonderful they are, take wonderful care of and find a prominent place in my home to display them…except for the mink, I just always wear it if its cold and we’ll be seeing them.

    If she does toss this silver plate at you, loose your shit over how great it is, how much it means to you and then put it someplace where everyone is going to see it….some gifts aren’t about you, they’re about the person who gave it to you…

    Post # 8
    Member
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee

    No you’re not wrong. That’s some bullshit.

    When you get the plate…let your cat/dog enjoy some fine meals off of it lol

    Score on the soda streamer! Super cute! lol

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    2100 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @eocenia:  I send you many hugs right now as my FMIL dislikes me very much and blatantly told us she does not and will never approve of “us”.

    Eh. It happens. 

    So what. She doesn’t like me. She doesn’t approve. She doesn’t want anything to do with “us”. Her problem…not mine/ours. Does it hurt? It did. Is it what I dreamed of? Absolutely not. Do I wish different? Of course. 

    But I would not want a card or gift from anyone who treats me poorly. I don’t expect her to acknowledge our wedding day. I don’t expect or really want anything from her or her family. Just respect. Well, if they can’t give that, what makes me think they are capable of lovingly giving anything else?

    Forget the gift. Forget the convo. Let your in laws behave like brats and you and your husband just tend to your relationship. 

     

    Hugs. 

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I had a similar issue with my BILs. My DH has twin brothers who he is not super close to. There is a 6 year age gap there and live about 6 hours away, so are just in complete different stages of life. They talk regularly, but very surface level.

    We had a small wedding party (only 2), and DH decided to have his absolute 2 best friends stand up next to him. Apparently his brothers were so hurt, they chose to get us nothing as a wedding gift. No card, nothing. We were very hurt, so I completely understand where you are coming from.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2100 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Nona99:  So glad to read about another bee whose MIL doesn’t like her, rough relationship, etc. I’m not suggesting this is good news but I don’t feel so alone now.

    My FMIL doesn’t like me and doesn’t approve of our marriage. She has told anyone she can, including us. 

    It happens, I guess. Life goes on. 

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    2912 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Yes I would be pissed but you have to let it go or it will damage your relationship. It doesn’t sound like they hate you, sounds like they are just a bit….lazy with a dash of resentfulness thrown in.

    If they have money they could have just gotten you a vacuum cleaner and you probably would have been happy. No money, they could have sent you a card filled with lovely words. They didn’t bother with either. That is extremely bad form. I don’t think past tension is ever a reason not to give your son/daugheter a gift. That speaks volumes about them, not you. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    RE – Inlaws not paying their Hotel Bill

    As you may or maynot be aware, I call myself and Etiquette Snob in jest here on WBee (comes from my upbringing and my career, in so much as I know a lot of the Rules of Etiquette, doesn’t mean I automatically agree with everyone… but I do know em, and pass that info along here on WBee)

    Anyhow…

    It may be that their not paying wasn’t an oversight, or mistake.

    They perhaps didn’t pay cause they “assumed” that it was covered for them.  Because, as per Traditional Etiquette, the Groom normally would pick up that expense for his Parents.

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    8916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    @eocenia:  Aw hugs!  I’m sorry, you have every right to be offended.  Just try to be the bigger person because obviously your MIL is NOT.  So glad your husband has your back.

    Agh, your kitty is SOOOO CUTE!  I just want to stick my face in all that neck fur and never leave!

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