Post # 1
So I do not have any children, yet, all my friends do, but I nannied for 2 years, I teach gymnastics to kids age 9 months to 12 years. I have a friend who has a daughter who ALWAYS has a fever. After about 3 months straight of her telling me that she has a fever every other day, I ask her if shes ok and if shes been to the doctor to make sure nothing is seriously wrong. I love my friends daughter so I wanted to make sure she was ok. Well I guess that offended her. She then went on to tell me until I have my own kids I dont know a thing about kids. I was hurt when she said that. Its not like Im a teenager or in my early 20’s, I’m 32. When I nannied I was basically the kids mother and father, I was there for them morning noon and night. I understood what it was like to be there for them when they got sick, which was often, what it was like to feel their pain when I had to meet them at the hospital because they fell off the jungle gym or whatever else they did because they were kids. Bottom line is, yes I dont know what having a kid feels like because I dont have one, but at the same time, I understand that kids can get sick often, I understand they get into everything possible, I understand that they can be the most amazing little humans in the world but the next drive you crazy, I may not be a parent yet, but I get it. Do all mothers feel this way towards non mothers? I guess Im just hurt that someone could put me down so much when all I wanted to do was make sure their daughter was ok!
Post # 3
Nope! Not all moms feel that way. I think there are some things that you just can’t understand until you have your own, but I was a teacher, nanny, behavior specialist, group home counselor, and babysitter long before I had my own children, and I think non-mothers with experience know LOTS about kids.
ETA: I will say, your friend has probably been at the wrong end of the Mommy Wars one too many times. Moms get judgey glances and looks and comments ALL.THE.TIME and she may have been at her breaking point. But that doesn’t give her the right to be a B since you approached it kindly and with love. It may help you see her perspective, though.
Post # 4
you may have just hit a sore spot with her or made her think she wasnt taking care of her daughter (unintentionally of course)
id talk to her and just explain what you meant, and that you didnt mean any offence and that your here for her if she needs help.
i wouldnt take it personally , she may be under a bit of stress….
Post # 5
I think the doctor comment probably came across wrong
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
It was a pretty crappy thing to say but it was probably just out of frustration and not really a personal attack. She may be tired of hearing the same thing from a few people (and choosing to ignore advice) or genuinely scared at what’s going on with her daughter. Either way, I would give her a few days to cool off and try not to take it personally.
Post # 7
Thanks for your responses. I definitely didnt mean to be mean in any way about mentioning the doctor, she is always bringing her kids so I just assumed she would bring her for that. I can see her side, I was just hurt with the backlash I got. Especially coming from her, she knows how much I care about both of her kids as well as all my friends kids so it sort of threw me for a loop!
Post # 8
@Leonard2B: I worked at a daycare for years! And my co-teacher in the infant room was in her 50s and a certified RN. But she didn’t have kids.
She REPEATEDLY warned one of the Moms that something was WRONG with her kid. But the Mom REFUSED to listen. She kept saying the daycare teacher/former RN wasn’t a Mom, and didn’t know about her daughter’s welfare. At one point, she even complained to the center director!
And guess what–there was something VERY wrong with her kid.
Some people are just bad at “it takes a village”, or sees you as judging her parenting skills (which you totally weren’t BTW!)
Post # 9
@Leonard2B: What you have just described was quite possibly a “Sanctimommy.” I know a few: in their mind, no one knows anything about anything until they deliver a child. Period.
Of COURSE not all mothers are this way, but it sounds like your well intentioned comment struck a nerve with her; she may not have meant anything by her response, but that doesnt change how rude it sounds.
Post # 10
I’m not quite sure why your friend would be offended. First, She is talking to you about the problem (seems to me like she is looking for empathy). Second, Isn’t common knowledge to take your child the Dr if she always has a fever?!
Post # 11
@badabing88: I lub when you teach me new words 😀
Oh, and +1.
Post # 12
Thank you everyone for making me feel a little better! i seriously thought i did something wrong and couldnt figure it out!
@badabing88: That word kind of cracks me up but I am pretty sure she is one of those!
Post # 13
@Leonard2B: I’ve gotten attitudes like that before, too. I watched my moms ex boyfriends kids everyday for 2 years, basically raised the youngest and she even called me mama. I babysat another girl from 8 months to 5 years. But one of my coworkers would snort and ignore me anytime I mentioned anything to do with kids and gave me the “well you dont know what you’re talking about because you dont have kids of your own” talk.
Post # 14
I agree with PP. I think you just hit a nerve with her. I think she’s been judged before and a mom whose child has been that sick repeatedly is probably very defensive by now. I don’t think she really thinks that all women who don’t personally have a child are unqualified to comment; I think you were just the metaphorical straw that broke the camel’s back.
I’m currently PG and sometimes I want to snap at people in a similar fashion. Everyone has an opinion or a leading question and it’s like, “DUH don’t you think I already KNOW!?!”
Post # 15
I think she took your comment the wrong way. As a mom I’ve gotten a lot of bitchy comments from people (99% family) suggesting that I don’t take proper care of my pregnant self or son. Maybe she’s so used to hearing these sorts of comments that she took yours the wrong way.
Or maybe she’s just crazy;)
Post # 16
@Leonard2B: I don’t think you need to be a mom to know that a kid having fevers every other day is a problem that should involve a trip to the doctor.