(Closed) Am I wrong for being offended?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Are you really taking pictures for 4 straight hours?

Post # 5
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

No, you’re not wrong for feeling upset– you’re entitled to have any feelings you have.

 

It’s how you deal with this– this is one of your sister’s friends too.  She wants to be there for that wedding– kinda sounds like she’s just going to the ceremony (so she’ll be gone for a couple hours) then be with you for the rest of the day!  

 

What do you want to do?  Do you want to tell your sister that she HAS to be there to watch you get your makeup done and miss her friend’s wedding?  

Post # 6
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Did you want getting ready pictures with your sis?  Or just to spend some bonding time?  Can another female relative take your sister’s place for this purpose?

Post # 7
Member
9063 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Maybe I’m just not “in the know” with this MoH/Bridesmaid stuff, but I’ve been a bridesmaid in two weddings and both times the bridesmaids and I just sat around while the bride got ready. It wasn’t exactly a special moment, we watched her squeeze into her dress and get her face done up. We didn’t exactly sit around and giggle and talk about the wedding or the bride, but is this really a special moment?

I wouldn’t mind getting ready by myself. I don’t care if my bridesmaids are with me because what are they going to do? If I need a bottle of water, I have hands to get one myself, and if I have to pee, I’ve got a dress that allows me to do that self sufficiently.

I suppose if this is important to you, you’re more than allowed to be upset, but I’m just lost at what point a bridesmaid is supposed to do before the ceremony begins. If this is that important to you, you need to discuss it with her instead of moping about it.

Post # 8
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

That’s a crazy long time for pictures. I think you should just let her do what she wants. Between 4 and 6, she will be in plenty of pictures.

Post # 10
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you have a legit reason to be upset. When you sign up to be someone’s bridesmaid, esp their MoH, you’re pretty much signing up to spend that day with them doing bridey stuff, IMO. I’m kind of shocked she would tell you that she’s skipping out to see a friend’s daughter get married. Other maids/brides may disagree, obvs. I feel like I’m asking very little overall from my MoH, but I would definitely be extremely upset if she told me 8 weeks out that she wasn’t turning up on the wedding day until 3 hours before the ceremony.

That said, if she’s determined to go to the other wedding, there isn’t really anything you can do that’s not extreme/inflammatory (like asking her to step down/replacing her). 

Post # 12
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Mrs.babycat: 

@mrsSonthebeach: 

A lot of brides have thier photographers with them for the whole day (from what I’ve heard,.) But, I do think from 4-6 should be fine though for pics. I would want to make sure at least somebody was there with me while I was getting ready (not for pics but to make sure I looked good.) It wouldnt have to be my bridesmaid though unless I really really wanted her opinion and her support more than any other female.

Post # 13
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@geekspice:  That is also true becuase what if the bride really needed something ASAP and you knew your MOH was off at another wedding and not able to help. That would make me very nervous.

Post # 14
Member
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@DayDay:  Did she know beforehand that you wanted her there early to get hair, make-up and, photos done? I’d say if she did know than I’d definitely be hurt but I don’t know what you can do about it as she has made it known she was going to her friend’s wedding, as well. If she didn’t know until now that she would need to be there early than I wouldn’t be as upset.

Post # 15
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you’re making a mistake if you make a big deal of this. Life is often about compromise and if you don’t acknowledge and accept that your sister has many people who are special to her, you risk straining your relationship. As a sister of a popular girl myself, I’d rather share my sister on my wedding day than always have her feel like I forced her to miss out on another event. There’s nothing she has to do that day that someone else can’t help with. Be gracious and don’t fuss over her going to the other wedding before joining you for your day.

Post # 16
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@sheepandbear:  I had photos all day, but the ciritical stuff was all in the hour before the ceremony and after. One of my BMs (I had 2 total) decided to do her own hair and makeup so she wasn’t with me and the other BM and my mom at the salon for hair and makeup. We still have tons of great photos.

This is a pick your battle moment. It sucks to be in this situation, but, OP, if you force your sister to come, she’ll be thinking the whole time about what she is missing. Wouldn’t you rather that she be there when she can (which is for all the important stuff anyway) happy and with her head in the right place than there watching you get ready and sad or mad or bitter or guilty, etc.? You are not wrong to be upset, but you would be wrong, IMO, to hang on to those feelings and to make a big deal about it.

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