Am I wrong for doing this? (bridesmaids dress)

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Maybe send her some pictures of less expensive dresses.

I don’t think you should have to pay for their dresses, just explain to her that you sent those as examples and you’re sure she can find something suitable in her budget.  You want her to be comfortable in her dress and to have something she can afford, you dont’ care if they actually match.

Post # 3
42157 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

idealgas:  The practice  of paying/not paying for their dresses seems to vary with geography. What is the custom where you live?

I would just tell her to please go ahead and pick a dress on her own. If she needs to know what your sister is wearing, she can communicate directly with her, or she can wait until your sister picks her dress then you can send her a pic.

Post # 4
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

idealgas:  Maybe the three of you could go dress shopping together?

Otherwise, if she wants to stand up with you, she’ll suck it up and buy a dress.

Post # 5
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

idealgas:  Is it expected that you pay for the dress where you live? How old is this SIL? Will she be paying for the dress or your future in laws?

Post # 8
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You don’t have to pay for her dress.  I live on the West coast of Canada and usually BM pay for their dresses.  I have two BM as well.  I am paying for one of the dresses but I offered this when I asked her to be my BM. She is a single mother with two kids who just finished her BA degree last month.  She dosen’t yet have a job and is broke.  She is paying her travel expenses to my wedding.  That’s all she can afford at the moment.  My other BM is $$ better off than I am.  So, she is covering her own expenses.  I didn’t mention to her I was paying for the other BM dress.  I don’t really think it’s any of her business.  Do you think your sis-in-law dosen’t have the money or just dosen’t want to spend the money?

Post # 9
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

She’s wrong. Don’t let her dictate terms to u. 

Post # 10
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would ignore her cost comments, remember you said that she can pick ANY dress. So she can pick a dress within her own budget no problems. If she says it again just politely say that given that you are paying for hair and makeup you cannot afford to buy a dress as well and if she can’t either then politely ask that she step down as bridesmaid (I say this because she forced herself on you as bridesmaid in the first place, I would not be saying this to someone who you actually really wanted to stand by your side at the wedding).

What I would do is show her photos of mismatched bridesmaids so that she gets an idea of the look that you are going for.

Alternatively she could always stand on her brother’s side instead and just wear a black (or grey, or whatever colour the boys are wearing) dress. 

Post # 11
8389 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

idealgas:  I’m Chinese and it’s customary for the bride to pay for the bridal party’s expenses, so maybe that’s where she’s getting the idea that you should be paying for the dress?  Both of my BMs aren’t Asian, but I offered to pay for everything anyways.

Post # 12
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle

Take them to try on dresses at the same time?! see if there is something they both lie and suit..?

Post # 15
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle


idealgas:  Does your sister have her dress picked?.. once she does send SIL a pick of what she has chosen and she will either match, compete or go oposite?. Hehe

Or give them a colour and example of what you like.. (dont include prices) but note these are what you like and they can buy what ever they like similar to this..

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