- 6 years ago
I don’t even know where to start. I love my SO to death but I don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life like this. First off, he has two children. At the begining of our relationship only one lived here. I found out through FB the other child and her mom were moving back around Thanksgiving because as her mom said, he daughter needs her dad. Yeah, well, why didn’t she think of that before she left? Everything about this child and her mom, my SO kept a secret. I had to find out everything through fb (and the only reason I knew the girls name is bc I saw all the posts his mom wrote all over this girls wall). We’ve had many fights an discussions about them. I know about his other daughters mom and when he sees her. For some reason I had to find out through FB when he was seeing his other kid. This seemed kind of shady to me. If you’re just seeing your daughter, why do you have to keep it a secret? He said he’d change and let me know when he sees her and guess what? Almost a year later and I still have to ask him, “have you seen so and so recently?” Only then will he tell me. Yes, she’s your daughter and you can see her all you want but for some reason he likes to keep this child and mom a secret. I kept asking and asking why she left and finally he told me because she had a great job offer. Okay, this chick leaves her fb public so I know she went down there WITH OUT a job. Then she finally found a waitressing job. I just don’t know why he has to lie. On top of all that, his mom invitied her to xmas and not me. I was so embarassed and crushed. It was so disrespectful to me. His other child comes over for holidays but her mother isn’t invited. (maybe bc she was engaged at the time, now married while this other woman is single) His mom tries to be best buds with this girl and I feel like she’s trying to get them to be a family. I have never met this child. I have met his other child once. He tried to throw us together waaay too early in our relationship. I reluctantly went to dinner with them once. It was far too early in our relationship and I was very uncomfortable. For the past few months I’ve told him i’m ready and we should all go out. Yes, his schedule is always different and we live an hour away from each other but he has made no initiative for us all to do something. He’s been saying he wants to marry me for a while and I said what am I supposed to do? Just be their mother after never having a relationship with them? I’m not comfortable watching kids I’ve never met. I told him i’ve been ready to have a relationship with them and he never bothers to do anything about it. I feel like a part time girlfriend because I’m not invitited to that part of his life and only see him every other weekend. He finally confessed to me the reason he won’t bring them around is because he’s afraid that I won’t be able to handle it and will break up with him. Umm….isn’t that why you should have brought them around months ago when I said I was ready?!?! So what, we are supposed to get married and every other weekend he should leave so he can hang out with his child? So just to keep me around, he’s going to keep his children hidden. Seems pretty selfish to me.
On top of that, his grandmother got cancer. Yet again, he doesn’t tell me anything. I know she had surgery to have all the cancerous tumors removed but don’t know anything else. Her children are no help and he lives with her and takes care of her. I am so lucky she has a grandson like him. However, I wonder how long this is going to last. The rest of her life? Are we supposed to get engaged/married and live apart? I never see him anymore because he’s taking care of his grandma while his mom and uncle won’t do anything but bitch my BF out every time he wants to see me. Which has been two days in the last two weeks. She’s only 83 and I wonder how long will I have to wait around for him while he takes car of her? I know it sounds selfish but I’m tired of being the last on his list. It’s great she has him but I’m so mad that her own children won’t step up and do anything. They don’t have real jobs and sit around all day and his mother just smokes pot and pops pills all day writing on FB about how crappy her life is. He works 10 hours a day, comes home, buys her groceries, cooks her dinner, etc. He is a very caring guy and I love that about him. However, I feel like he’s always there for everyone else and that there’s no room for me. We are supposed to take a vacation next month and I asked him, how are we going to do anything when his family can’t help his grandma out? We never have time to do anything bc of his job and I was really looking forward to 10 days off together. But I don’t really know the reality of all of it.
Then on top of it all, he’s been telling me we’re going to get engaged soon. I figured it would be by the end of next month but then today I find out he doesn’t even know my ring size even though I’ve told him a million times. I told him I don’t even care anymore. A ring isn’t going to change anything. So, I have a ring on my finger but still never see my bf because he’s too busy taking care of everyone else. Am I wrong in feeling this way? I know he has kids and he can’t change that but he can change things and INCLUDE me in their lives. That’s all I want. I feel like i’m on the outside and if I stay with him, I always will be. All holidays will be spent with his family and baby mama while I’m at my mom’s house. That doesn’t seen like much a a life or relationship to me. The sad part is that he just doesn’t it get. What can I tell him so he gets it? He thinks i’m just giving up and dont’ love him. I’ve given him almost a year to want to include me in his life and he just hasn’t cared to do anything about it. I’ve given him so many chances and he’s done NOTHING. it makes me so angry. I feel like if you loved me, you would want me to be part of your life. I am so hurt, frusteraged, angry, and he JUST DOESN’T GET IT. I think it’s about time that I finally just walk away.