(Closed) Am I wrong for thinking this is a little fast?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

It does seem like they are rushing things, a bit, but they are older and probably know what they want their future to look like. I would also be surprised at how fast their relationship has proceeded, but I would also be very happy for them based on what you have stated. Older people (I am one) don’t have as much time as younger people, so I think they just want to start enjoying each other as a married couple for as long as they can.

Post # 4
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@SweetRose2011:It’s none of your business. He’s 40…he is aware of his actions and the potential down falls. Just be happy for him, many people feel life is to be lived and believe in seizing the moment.

Post # 5
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think you’re wrong, but they’re adults.  And you say they have a great relationship.  Some people just move faster than others.  It’s okay for you to be concerned, because you love him and don’t want him to get hurt again, particularly because of what he went through before.  But if he seems happy, and they seem like they’re in a good place, and they’re older, then it’s their decision, ultimately.  Best thing you can do is to be there for your uncle and your family and to be supportive. 

Post # 6
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

A year or two ago I would have given you different input.  My FI and I are 10 years junior to your uncle and his FI and we have been told we are moving too fast because like your uncle and future aunt, we met in and got engaged within a span of 2 months..married legally shortly after..we’re waiting to have a huge party to celebrate in 6 months.

While everyone think we’re moving fast, we didn’t feel rushed at all!  For whatever reasons, it just felt like we knew each other forever by the second month. Relationships are different for everyone, sounds like they’re super happy and they’re old enough to know what they are getting themselves into. 

And you’re not wrong, you’re being protective of the people you love. 

Post # 7
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

The Royal wedding was/is the same! LOL!!!!!!!!

Post # 8
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

I think I’m biased because FH and I didn’t date more than a few months before moving in together and getting engaged. We could have planned a wedding in the same amount of time your uncle and his FI are, but we opted to put it off and save more money. If they are mature enough and confident in their relationship, I don’t think there is a problem with it, but I can see why people may think it’s a short amount of time.

Post # 9
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My parents dated for 3 months before getting engaged, and married after 6 months.

Their marriage was basically a black hole of “oh, I wish I had known that before I got married to him/her” damage. It was horrible for everyone involved.

I think it’s a bad idea no matter how old you are!

Post # 10
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@DCSquared: I thought they were together like 6-8 years or something?

And to OP – yeah it does seem like they’re rushing it but you’re also right that they are adults, can make their decision for better or for worse, and I like that you are simply accepting it and wondering rather than condemning them. I think you’ve got the right approach. Just be happy for them and if it works, great, if it doesn’t, oh well. He’s still an adult. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I dated someone who was amazing to me the first 3 months.  Everyone told me i was so lucky and we’d surely get married and live happily ever after.  Well…something changed.  Apparently that was his “show” to lure in a girl before he turned into a lying cheating a-hole. 

Obviously he is one man but I don’t think my opinion that you can’t know someone’s true values in 2-3 months will change.

Post # 13
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

My youngest sister and her now husband got engaged 2 weeks after their first date.  About 4 months after that they were married.  And then 2 months after that, pregnant with their first child…and they are happy as can be and perfectly content.  While I never moved that fast, it has worked for them. 

I know several other couples whose relationships moved just as fast as my sister and they’re still happily married…20 years later, so it does happen.

Post # 14
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible.”

Especially when you’re older.

Post # 15
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

@SweetRose2011: Oh I see. Really though, for a lot of people a divorce is not a marker of when the marriage ends. For most divorced individuals I know, the marriage was over a LONG time before the divorce is finalized. So to us it seems like a short turnaround, but to them it’s been forever.

Post # 16
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Introvertere: Ah, my only issue with that quote is…didn’t that start as soon as you started dating? Just to me, being married doesn’t change the way we approach our relationship that much. We loved each other long before we got engaged. 🙂

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