Post # 1
I love my uncle I really do. Many years ago he married a woman I knew he really loved. Years went by, she changed, claimed there were some issues in their marriage, filed for a divorce, tried taking the kids, and left him for another man. In October my uncle met a wonderful woman who fell in love with. She has a good relationship with God, just like my uncle and values a lot of the same things he does. They have a very cute relationship.
In December though, they got engaged. I mentioned earlier how everyone at Christmas was jumping down their throat but I felt that they are old enough to know what they want at this stage. They are both in their 40s, both have been married before, etc. Two months may be early in some people’s books but if you know sometimes you know (not bashing the two months thing, even though a lot of other people were). I guess she just felt like family already.
My dad calls me today. Says he needs my address for the invitations my uncle and soon-to-be-aunt are mailing out for the wedding. When I asked him when they are getting married he says April. APRIL?!? I thought they just got engaged! I don’t know but it just seems so sudden to me. I really like his fiance. I’m just scared (like everyone else is) because of what happened with his ex-wife. We all love my uncle very much and don’t want him to get hurt.
So, am I nuts for being surprised? I would NEVER say anything to my uncle about how fast I think this is. They are grown adults, capable of making their own minds up. I get why they would do it. But I just think, live together a little before rushing into another marriage. Opinions?
Post # 3
It does seem like they are rushing things, a bit, but they are older and probably know what they want their future to look like. I would also be surprised at how fast their relationship has proceeded, but I would also be very happy for them based on what you have stated. Older people (I am one) don’t have as much time as younger people, so I think they just want to start enjoying each other as a married couple for as long as they can.
Post # 4
@SweetRose2011:It’s none of your business. He’s 40…he is aware of his actions and the potential down falls. Just be happy for him, many people feel life is to be lived and believe in seizing the moment.
Post # 5
I don’t think you’re wrong, but they’re adults. And you say they have a great relationship. Some people just move faster than others. It’s okay for you to be concerned, because you love him and don’t want him to get hurt again, particularly because of what he went through before. But if he seems happy, and they seem like they’re in a good place, and they’re older, then it’s their decision, ultimately. Best thing you can do is to be there for your uncle and your family and to be supportive.
Post # 6
A year or two ago I would have given you different input. My FI and I are 10 years junior to your uncle and his FI and we have been told we are moving too fast because like your uncle and future aunt, we met in and got engaged within a span of 2 months..married legally shortly after..we’re waiting to have a huge party to celebrate in 6 months.
While everyone think we’re moving fast, we didn’t feel rushed at all! For whatever reasons, it just felt like we knew each other forever by the second month. Relationships are different for everyone, sounds like they’re super happy and they’re old enough to know what they are getting themselves into.
And you’re not wrong, you’re being protective of the people you love.
Post # 7
The Royal wedding was/is the same! LOL!!!!!!!!
Post # 8
I think I’m biased because FH and I didn’t date more than a few months before moving in together and getting engaged. We could have planned a wedding in the same amount of time your uncle and his FI are, but we opted to put it off and save more money. If they are mature enough and confident in their relationship, I don’t think there is a problem with it, but I can see why people may think it’s a short amount of time.
Post # 9
My parents dated for 3 months before getting engaged, and married after 6 months.
Their marriage was basically a black hole of “oh, I wish I had known that before I got married to him/her” damage. It was horrible for everyone involved.
I think it’s a bad idea no matter how old you are!
Post # 10
@DCSquared: I thought they were together like 6-8 years or something?
And to OP – yeah it does seem like they’re rushing it but you’re also right that they are adults, can make their decision for better or for worse, and I like that you are simply accepting it and wondering rather than condemning them. I think you’ve got the right approach. Just be happy for them and if it works, great, if it doesn’t, oh well. He’s still an adult. 🙂
Post # 11
@SBourgeous: I think they are mature enough in the relationship. I think the only fear I have is that it hasn’t been that long (in our eyes) for him to have gone from having the divorce finalized to be engaged. I’m excited to have his fiance be apart of our family, she’s so sweet, I just think I’m looking out for him.
Like I said there are definitely times that I feel like when you know you know and it’s not awful to rush into relationships. There have been people who have been together for years and years and they get married and it’s not right for them. (hope I didn’t hurt your feelings!)
Post # 12
I dated someone who was amazing to me the first 3 months. Everyone told me i was so lucky and we’d surely get married and live happily ever after. Well…something changed. Apparently that was his “show” to lure in a girl before he turned into a lying cheating a-hole.
Obviously he is one man but I don’t think my opinion that you can’t know someone’s true values in 2-3 months will change.
Post # 13
My youngest sister and her now husband got engaged 2 weeks after their first date. About 4 months after that they were married. And then 2 months after that, pregnant with their first child…and they are happy as can be and perfectly content. While I never moved that fast, it has worked for them.
I know several other couples whose relationships moved just as fast as my sister and they’re still happily married…20 years later, so it does happen.
Post # 14
“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible.”
Especially when you’re older.
Post # 15
@SweetRose2011: Oh I see. Really though, for a lot of people a divorce is not a marker of when the marriage ends. For most divorced individuals I know, the marriage was over a LONG time before the divorce is finalized. So to us it seems like a short turnaround, but to them it’s been forever.
Post # 16
@Introvertere: Ah, my only issue with that quote is…didn’t that start as soon as you started dating? Just to me, being married doesn’t change the way we approach our relationship that much. We loved each other long before we got engaged. 🙂