Am I wrong for what I said?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Wow it sounds like he has an absurd amount of photos and vids. If it were just a few G-rated photos I’d be like…no big. This is a whole different situation though. I think you are totally justified in what you said. Why is he so attached to these sex vids that he felt the need to back them up again and again? 

Post # 4
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree. There is zero reason for him to have any sexual content of ex-girlfriends. I once found shower pictures of an ex on (now)-FIs computer. I asked him to delete them all. As well as any pictures in which they were kissing/being a little too friendly. I also asked him to get rid of all of the love letters she had sent him. I just didn’t want any of that polluting our relationship. He was a little defensive at first, but then I told him I would do the same pruning of my own and asked him how he would feel if he saw any of it. He got on board pretty quickly. 

Post # 5
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If he really cares about keeping the nice family videos, he’ll take the time to go through the tapes.  It sounds like he’s not willing to put in the work because he’d rather have an excuse to keep x-rated videos of his exes.  And then he’s turning around and blaming it on you.  Don’t let him manipulate you like that.  If he wants the family footage, he’ll do the work.

Post # 6
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Umm wtf. I mean it’s one thing to have pics and g-rated videos that contain exes, but sex tapes?! That’s odd that he’s so attached to them.  However, I do kind of get where he is coming from that if the sex footage is on the same tape as family stuff, I wouldn’t want to delete it either, but I would invest the time going through it.  I wouldn’t want to be showing my future kids some old family videos and having the next scene pop up as my ex and I getting busy.

 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That is SERIOUSLY skeevy–that being said, I have an ex who refused to get rid of dirty pictures of his ex. Later, he cheated on me with her.

Post # 8
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it’s really weird that he has THAT many videos and pictures of his exes! It’s also alarming that he doesn’t want to go through them. If he isn’t actually watching them it shouldn’t be a big deal to throw them away. He should either throw them all away or look through them to find the videos of his grandmother and other family members. I agree with you that he shouldn’t have filmed grandma on his dirty tapes.

Post # 9
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Whoaaaaaa Nelly. There are no words for how angry, pissed, hurt and heart broken I would be I seriously have no advice but I can assure you that whatevet you said is a shit ton nicer than what I would have said/done. I would probably kick my FI out for the night so I didn’t go ape shit honestly. 

Post # 10
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@texasbee:  Wow…I have to ask, why did you marry this guy? He sounds like SUCH a sleazebag.

Post # 11
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Um ya know keeping a few g rated pictures or videos that their in is one thing…. but i draw a line at kissing pictures and love notes…. but sex tapes… um thats like a deal breaker for me. WTF does he need to keep those for? Does he watch them? To me that would tell me that he’s still attatched to them and his past and he can’t move on. I’d say its either me and sex with me… or them and their videos. Get rid of the videos and all memories of them or get rid of me… you can’t have both. Its time for an ultimatum. If he wants you then he has to get rid of them.

 

Post # 12
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@texasbee:  Wow, I looked at a few of the other threads you started and I don’t want to be too harsh but how do you trust him at all? I wouldn’t be okay with this whatsoever. There’s no need for him to have old naked pics and homemade porn of his exes. It’s clearly okay for you to ask him to get rid of the tapes. I would’ve done it myself if I were you. He’s had so many chances to sort this problem out and obviously doesn’t want to. Good luck with everything.

Post # 13
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I totally get the whole “let’s make naughty videos” thing, but I think it shows a fundamental lack of character and lack of respect for your ex if you don’t delete/destroy the videos once you split up. There’s no reason to want to watch videos of sexy time with an ex, and the least he could do would be to respect the exes enough to make sure those videos never fall into the wrong hands. That he has not already done so, says a lot about his character.  I think you need to be very careful about ever letting him film you, and tell him all the reasons why these videos should be deleted. Don’t force him to delete them, because then it’s your idea and not his, but give him all the information he needs to come to the right decision. If he still doesn’t, then I would be very worried.

Post # 15
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

You’re not wrong and I’d feel uncomfortable, too.  :S

Post # 16
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

this is REALLY effing wierd. and if he’s so attached the the videos of grandma on christmas – how often has he actually watched them? i’m going to guess zero times. so that’s total bull. this is seriously creepy, skeevy behaviour. :/ 

 

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