Post # 1
Okay, so a little background… My uncle has three children. Growing up, I never knew the oldest daughter because her parents were divorced and she lived with her mother. I have seen her at family functions over the last 5 years but never spoke more than “hi” or “bye.” My uncle remarried and had two boys, who I have grown up knowing.
Now that it is time to start making my wedding guest list, I don’t feel the desire to invite her. I barely know her… and she comes with a fiance and a daughter. Because my Fiance and I are paying for our own wedding, I don’t want to spend the $225+ to pay for her and her family.
My mother and I have been going back and forth over it. I honestly see it from both sides. Yes, it’s rude to invite two children and not the third… But why should I invite someone who I barely know? We are trying to keep our wedding intimate, and I don’t have any relationship with her.
Any advice? Should I just suck it up?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@mrsEtobee: How would your uncle feel about it? Why not cut all three kids if you’re trying to save the money? Then you aren’t picking and choosing.
Post # 4
I think it’s okay. You don’t really have a relationship with her. However, if you feel it will create drama then you should just invite her.
Post # 5
I think it’s a bit iffy to invite 2 of his children and not her. Family is family. Either she feels the way you do and won’t come , or she WILL come, and that’ll be a chance to get to know her better.
Post # 6
@mrsEtobee: If I was in her situation, and didn’t get an invitation while my half-brothers did, I would think to myself, “Dad’s relatives don’t recognise me as family”. Especially if you’re inviting all other cousins.
So I would invite her (and her fiance). Or at least, talk to your uncle and ask whether she’d like to be invited.
Post # 7
Honestly, if I grew up not knowing a cousin I would not care at all if I was not invited. Heck, when a few of my first cousins that I DID grow up with but am not close to now get married, I would be really surprised if I got an invitation.
It depends on the family dynamic, but no, I don’t think you HAVE to invite her. Plus, if she has her own fiance and daughter, she might be relieved to have the pressure off the cost of attending.
Post # 8
@mrsEtobee: IMO you should invite her to avoid drama and hurt feelings. If you truly don’t have a relationship with her, she may not come. Weigh the cost of her attending versus the hurt feelings and drama it may cause if you don’t invite her.
Post # 9
I think it would be hurtful not to invite her. That being said, I don’t think you need to invite her child. Just extend the invite to her and her fiancé and make it clear they should leave their daughter at home.
Post # 10
- Wedding: February 2014 - Silverthorne Town Pavilion
I grew up knowing both my cousins and for the last four years, the youngest has refused a relationship with me. I am inviting the older one, who I have a relationship with, and not the younger one. There is drama. It is my wedding and I no longer know this person. I say you do what you want to do. It is your day, not hers. Also, the last place and time you are going to sit down and get to know her better is your wedding where you are dancing, having fun, and being pulled eight different directions all at once. Do what you want.
Post # 11
Hi @mrsEtobee: First and foremost I see this is your DEBUT post on WBee so a big Welcome to “the Hive”
Lol, Etiquette Snob here…
The Rule of Thumb with Invites is once you make a decision as to “Relative Levels” you stick with the plan all the way thru.
So… Aunts & Uncles ONLY
Aunts & Uncles & their Kids
Aunts & Uncles & their Kids and their Children
And it is ALL or Nothing.
So you don’t Invite your Mother’s Sister & Hubby but not your Mother’s Brother & His Wife etc
Otherwise you are cherry picking your Relatives, and YES someone will be offended !!
(and rightly so)
As paula1248 said with Reply # 5
If I was in her situation, and didn’t get an invitation while my half-brothers did, I would think to myself, “Dad’s relatives don’t recognise me as family”. Especially if you’re inviting all other cousins.
Hope this helps,
Post # 12
Do you think you’ll be invited to her wedding? If so, I’d say invite her, if not, I’d say don’t. If you’re really close with your uncle ask him his honest thoughts and explain why you feel this way. If he says he’ll be hurt then you should invite her, if not then you have your answer.
Post # 13
I tend to be an etiquette snob as well. In this case, I’d err to the side of Mom. It’s her family and I would want to respect her.
Post # 14
I think you should. I have a similar thing with some cousins but my reasoning is that I’m inviting the close ones bc they are family, so I should include their siblings, even if I’m not technically close or related.
Post # 15
Honestly, I think there’s really no reason to invite her if you don’t know her; and there’s no reason for her to expect an invite either. Yes, you may be blood relations, but blood only means so much when you don’t have an actual relationship with the person, KWIM?
Of course, I might be a little biased here: I have 25 first cousins on my dad’s side alone, and we’re only inviting the three that I’m actually close to (and their SOs obviously). There’s no room in our budget for people we don’t know.
Post # 16
@paula1248: +1 this is exactly what I would think as well.