Post # 1
My fiancé doesn’t want to stay at my parent’s house when we visit. I don’t want to offend them and I see so much more of them when we actually stay at the house with them. Last year a pipe broke and flooded part of the house. My old bedroom got the worst of it, now it smells musky. FI and I suspect mold. FI says that the room gives him a headache. I talked to my parents about it and my dad says that he doesn’t notice it and it’s fine. There’s definitely something up with he room though! I think my dad is afraid of the possible financial costs.
When we visited last we stayed for 5 days, we stayed at a hotel. I know this hurt my parents feelings 🙁 We haven’t seen my parents since Thanksgiving. I usually see them once a month. FI and have been traveling a lot, not visiting them is unrelated to the mold. We plan on visiting in a week or so and I would like to stay with them, we’ll only be in town for two nights this time. FI and I just had a big fight. He said I’m choosing them over him and that he always puts me first. When we stayed with his parents for Christmas I had a headache for four days, he did offer to get a hotel (my headache went away whenever we left the house) I said no, because I wanted to maximize time with them. I know he feels like I’m choosing my family over him and he wouldn’t do that, but the difference is I would never ask him to.
Honest opinions, am I being unreasonable?
ps: sorry if there are typos galore, I’m typing on my phone.
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@ImaStarr: You two get a lot of headaches – do you just not like each others families? LOL
Post # 4
Lol he joked mine was the in-law headache! His family lives up in the mountains in PA. We live in flat FL! I think that played a part in it. I actually love his parents.
Also, we plan on moving out of state in about a year and a half when we finish school. I think that plays into it some on my part. I know I won’t always get to see them as much.
Post # 5
This sounds like a potential health issue. Your parents shouldn’t be offended you don’t want to stay in a moldy bedroom that is making one of you feel ill.
Post # 6
Honestly, I would just get a hotel. Some people are just more sensitive to certain smells than others (my youngest brother is like that) and I don’t think it’s fair to make your FI suffer through it. You can still spend plenty of time with your parents, it’s just going to take a bit more effor.
Post # 7
Is there somewhere else in your parents house you two can stay? It sounds like mold and if it’s giving FI headaches then I can see his point.
Post # 8
Well, it might be weird but do you think he could stay in the hotel and you could stay at your parents’ house?
While it’s not cool that he gets sick from the room it’s also not cool that you don’t get to spend as much time with your family.
Or if you’re staying two nights, maybe one night you stay at the hotel and one night you stay at your parents.
Its lame I know but its compromise.
Post # 9
@mchitt329: This thought also crossed my mind 😉
Post # 10
I am glad my SO lets us stay in a hotel when we visit his parents!
Post # 11
@ImaStarr: I know it feels insulting to go to a hotel, but as someone who gets blinding headaches from mold and mildew, I can’t imagine your poor FI suffering through another long visit. You need to speak to your parents, this could have a serious impact on their health.
Post # 12
This sounds like a health problem :/ I get where you’re coming from, but if he gets headaches from the smell, that’s not really fair to ask him to stay in that room. Is there any way you can get a blow-up mattress and maybe sleep in the living room instead of the bedroom? Maybe that way he wouldn’t be subjected to a possible headache 🙂
Post # 13
If this were just an issue of him not liking staying at yoru parents I would say that he should just get over it. But this whole mold issue makes it different. It is actually causing him physical pain to stay with your parents, so I say stay in a hotel until the mold issue is resolved. Maybe this will motivate your parents to get the room treated. But I would discuss this with your fiance and tell him that you are going to agree to a hotel but that you want to spend as much time as possible with your family. So no lolligagging around the hotel room getting ready for an hour and a half. Get your butts over to your parent’s house and spend time there. Treat the hotel room like your bedroom. Only go there to sleep.
Post # 14
Thanks bees! I think you guys are right. Sometimes it’s hard to seperate the emotional stuff that goes along with parents. We’ll probably stay at a hotel near by. We might also see if my brother will swap rooms for the two nights we are there. 🙂
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
IMO that is a health concern. If your dad doesn’t get it checked out, they shouldn’t be offended that you aren’t staying there
Post # 16
This is a potential health issue. Even if you suspect mold, you shouldn’t be in that room. That stuff will screw up your lungs faster than you can say, “Holy crap, mold!”
I’d stay in a hotel. Clearly you’re both being effected by the room. Family is great, but it’s not worth risking your health. Your parents should be taking this a lot more seriously.