Post # 1
So my grandmother was VERY unpleased with me when I told her I’m planning on a registry for my bridal shower/wedding. My bridal shower is in a week an a half and she says people are asking her what to get me. I don’t like the idea of making a want list. I’ve lived on my own since 18, and the FI and I have been living together for 3 years. There isn’t a thing that we need.
I also feel like I’m telling people how much they need to spend on me. I HATE the idea of asking for things. I feel like people should buy me what they want to get me and I’ll be so happy with it.
After telling my grandma that I don’t need anything she got upset and told me she’s going to tell the people who ask her not to get me anything. She said: “If you don’t need anything then why are you even having a shower?” I told her I’m not having the shower, someone is having it for me.
I have thought about a honeymoon registry and I explained to her what it is. I said if there isn’t anything that we need we can at least have a nice honeymoon and I might do it before my shower. She told me that old fashioned people aren’t going to like paying for my honeymoon.
I talked to my FSIL about this. She said that anyone who knows me should know what I’d like. Toms shoes, pay for my next hair appointment, pay for a pedi/mani for my wedding day, massage, victoria secret card… A million great ideas of things I like…. So the question:
Do you really have to register?
Post # 3
Okay, I have a few suggestions:
1- Register at Target and then take back what you really don’t want to keep. Then you can use the giftcards for groceries. Then Grandma is appeased and you have grocery money.
2- Do the honeyfund anyways. Politely tell granny it’s a normal gift these days.
3- Do both 1 & 2.
Post # 4
If you’re having a shower (even if someone else is throwing it for you) I think you need some kind of registry.
Post # 5
100% agreed. As a guest, this would make me über nervous. Register and return!
Post # 6
@achele: I’m confused because you said in your first line that you are registering… typo?
Anyway, I went through something similar. I wasn’t planning to register, for all the reasons you stated. But my family wasn’t having it. They were really stressed out by the idea that they & other guests would have to come up with gift ideas on their own. They stressed to me that making a registry is actually doing your guests a huge favor. I eventually came around to their point of view.
So, do you have to register? No, not at all. But everyone who goes to your shower will want to buy you something, and it can be really hard to pick out a gift — especially when you keep wondering, “Is someone else going to get her this exact same thing?”
Post # 7
We didn’t have a registry, we told our guests we didn’t want gifts, just their presence. Some friends brought food, cupcakes, etc. and some guests gave us gift cards/checks/cash. Most people just showed up, which we were perfectly happy with.
Post # 8
@howtobeawife: I agree, although Target gave me a world of trouble with returns so I might suggest someplace else as well like Macys (great return policy).
Nothing is more frustrating from a guest’s perspective than having no idea of what to get the bride and groom. I think if you are determined to not have some type of typical registery (the honeymoon idea isn’t ideal for everyone) you might end up with a lot of crap you don’t need/don’t want.
Post # 9
It’s obviously too late for this, but if you really “don’t need anything,” then you should have simply declined the shower. Too late for that, so yeah, I guess register for stuff you *might* use, or stuff you can return and it won’t be noticed.
Post # 10
I’d get you a whole lot of nothing or a small cash gift if you didn’t register. I like to buy stuff for weddings – preferably stuff I know you aren’t just going to take back.
Do you want nice china or flatware? A nicer mixer or other kitchen gadgets? Towels wearing out? Want nice sheets for married life? BBB or Macy’s has lots of nice home decor if you’re planning to spruce things up a little after you marry. Lots of other stores you wouldn’t think of have registries, too – REI, Home Depot…. Or make a wish list on Amazon.
If you think about it a while I’m sure there’s SOMETHING you guys (make him participate!) want. Pick stores you shop at often since some people will just get you a giftcard to that store. My SIL planned to return everything she got from Macy’s to buy clothes. I was pissed for her guests who thought they were buying them dishes, but whatever works for her.
Post # 11
Well the point of a bridal shower is to shower the bride with gifts that she and her new husband will use to start their home/life together, not so you can get random gifts that are just for you. If you don’t need anything then there is no point to having a bridal shower. You can have a bridal tea where everyone gets together but no presents are involved, or you can have a themed shower, such as stock the bar or honeymoon (where people buy you stuff like towels, sunscreen, beach totes, that you and your new H can use on your HM).
I would definitely not have a shower and only register for a honeymoon. That’s not really a shower – it’s a fundraiser. =/ I would also be weary of having a HR at all based on your grandmother’s reaction. Some people have zero problem with HR and giving people money for their HM. Other people are offended by the idea, since it’s just a fancy way of asking for cash. So your family might not go for the HM registry and it could be better to just safe and not do it so you don’t offend anyone.
Also, it’s probably good to have a physical registry somewhere because there will always be people who don’t like giving cash and it’s better to get something that you want and will use than some random, monogramed rooster.
Post # 12
The things you mentioned aren’t really shower gifts, they sound more like birthday gifts. Shower gifts should be something for you and your future husband to enjoy, hence that most people register for home goods that benefit both people.
I actually agree with your grandmother. If you didn’t want to register for gifts, you should have declined a shower. I understand that you dislike asking for specific things, but from the shower guests perspective, it is MUCH easier to pick something off a list that they know you need or want. Can you make a small registry with an upgrade of some items? I know that most of my stuff from when we first moved in together was cheap-o stuff. You can register for newer, nicer versions of things that will last longer.
Post # 13
@Krises: Should I also not have a wedding because I also don’t want to register?? I didn’t realize the point of a shower was to get gifts…
Post # 14
@achele: No, the point of a wedding is to get married. The point of a shower is to get showered with gifts. It is by definition, a gift-giving occasion with no purpose other than to give the bride and groom presents so that they can start their life together. Very much unlike a wedding. Maybe you didn’t realize that the point of a shower is to give gifts, but considering almost every comment says the same exact thing, now you know.
Post # 15
I realize it is customary to get/give gifts at a shower, but I don’t think it’s the point. I think that’s like saying a guest shouldn’t come to a shower if they don’t have a gift. I’d really hope that someone would still attend my shower even if they had nothing to bring, just to celebrate…
Post # 16
I don’t think gift giving at showers is customary, I think it’s the whole point.
Anywho, you can always register for things to upgrade your current plates, bedding, towels, etc, and then donate yoru old stuff to charity! 🙂