Post # 1
Our wedding is in 4 days, and I just got ambushed by FI’s aunt regarding our guest list! Her oldest child has a soccer tourney out of town and will no longer be able to make it, so she’d like to swap her younger daughter’s boyfriend instead.
Some of you may recall the HUGE blow out I had with my own aunt over my 20 yr old cousin bringing a date. FI’s cousin in question is 16. Due to a few other last minute cancellations, we DO have the space for the 16 yr old bf (and really even my own cousin’s gf) but there are about 5-6 other 16-22 yr olds NOT invited with dates that didn’t try to bring them along that I’m afraid might get a little annoyed, and we don’t have enough room for all of them.
My question: Should I stick to our original plan, and explain to FI’s aunt (who hosted my shower, btw!) that while we have the space since her other child is no longer coming, allowing them to bring a date will create much turmoil with our other guests who were not invited with dates? Should I just let her bring the 16 yr old bf and tell my cousin he can bring his 20 yr old gf and hope no one else notices (although the 16 yr olds would be at a table with all FI’s other dateles cousins!!) Keep in mind my own 20 yr old SISTER was not invited with her bf, and my 25 yr old brother was not invited with a +1 (he’s currently single but could prolly find a date for the night). Thoughts?
PS – I really REALLY hate that she called me and put me on the sport about this! I spent what seemed like 20 minutes stuttering and stammering before saying I needed to talk to FI and would get back to her.
PPS – everything else is going great – CAN’T WAIT for this weekend!!!
Post # 3
Personally, I think it’s incredibly rude for guests to try to make substitutions. If someone can’t make it, they can’t make it… they don’t pass their invitation onto the next person they know. Your FI’s aunt needs to be given a little ettiquette lesson.
Also, you should not be changing the guest list this late in the game. If you have open seats, don’t invite anyone else to fill them; just leave them open. No point in getting caught up over one or two open seats. Relax and enjoy the week!!!
Post # 4
I say stick to your original plan. This isn’t musical chairs! You can’t just swap people!
Besides I think all the other cousins who are probably in much more serious relationships than the 16 year old would be pretty peeved to see the 16 yr old with their little “girlfriend” and them not being able to bring one.
It’s a big fat N O for me.
Post # 5
Don’t do it!!! I think that considering your circumstances it will create a shit-storm if you allow this to go down, and she really should understand that. Especially bc the teens will be sitting together it will be so obvious that so-and-so got to bring a date and no one else did.
Post # 6
I too have a big family that is very opinionated. If you go back and let your cousin bring a date it will inevitably make other people think if they throw a fuss they will be able to alter the guest list also. Stick to your guns and if she starts to cause a scene at your wedding kindly have the venue escort her outside.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t do it. Chances are, someone else will notice. So while it won’t be an issue on the wedding day, it might become one well after the fact. Stay strong, you’re almost done! 🙂
Post # 8
Your wedding is not the Oscars — there is no need for seat fillers!
I would try to explain that you invited the people with whom you wanted to celebrate. If they can’t come, you are sorry you won’t be able to spend your day with the original invitee, but one cannot simply substitute a person! Not many others are bringing dates, and it would be unfair to them. I don’t get it. One is not just given X number of invites to spread around as she pleases; specific people were invited!
Post # 9
Stick to your original plan. Not only is it impolite to substitute guests, it will undermine your rule and leave the other singles (or their parents) questioning special treatment. Also, frankly, now is the time for you to relax and enjoy everything, not worry about this — call her, tell her you’re very sorry but the list is final and no substitutions are allowed, look forward to seeing her, byebye now. Then grab a margarita and smile!
Side note: I’d refrain from mentioning that you “have the space BUT…” There’s no need to justify your answer. Have an absolutely fabulous wedding!!
Post # 10
I think you should stick to your original plan, especially since your sister and brother don’t have +1s. I think people would understand if your immediate family got +1 and not all the cousins for +1, but their feelings may be hurt if it’s the other way around.
Good luck, and have fun this weekend!!
Post # 11
Wow, some people are so presumptuous! I’m sorry that the aunt is putting you in this position. I agree with the other posters that you should not allow the cousin’s date to attend. As far as preserving your relationship with the aunt and not inviting a continued debate with her, it seems like coming at it from the “cousins aren’t bringing dates and I don’t want to cause hurt feelings” approach would be the most effective.
Good luck and have a GREAT weekend!
Post # 12
Don’t let her make the invite swap! That is so unfair to the others (who are likely in more serious relationships that a 16 year old) that couldn’t bring a date to let your one little cousin have one.
Post # 13
I agree with CorgiTales. And I cracked up at Amaryllis’ Oscars comment.
Post # 14
Honestly, you don’t even need to bring up the fact that other teens will be there without dates and you feel it would be unfair to allow your cousin to bring a date. ALL you have to mention (and you shouldn’t even have to, this is a ridiculous situation that she put you in) is that neither your brother nor your sister were allowed dates to the wedding, and if they aren’t bringing a date then your cousin surely doesn’t need to bring one either. The end!
Post # 15
I wouldn’t do it either. As another poster said, it’s not musical chairs. It’s a bit late in the process to be trying to make substitutions and it’s kinda rude that they’re even asking you to do that so close to the wedding.
Post # 16
DONT DO IT! Stick with the original plan!
EDIT- enjoy your wedding!