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Can't really sympathize as in my culture (West African), we generally have extravegant weddings. As in a 200 person wedding is considered to be a small wedding.
I feel some of what you are saying my fiancee is from Sweden and all of his family will be coming out to California for our wedding and I am so nervous that they will think my choices are over the top. His mom has even said things like " O I saw that in a movie before" and when she saw my planning binder she was like " I did not know people actually used those!".
Having been to several weddings in Italy and Greece, I would challenge the idea that Mediterranean weddings are subdued! Some of the biggest and most extravagant (and hugely fun and joyful) weddings I've ever been to have been from that part of the world. Last summer, I was at a Greek wedding with around 450 guests and incredibly luxurious and beautiful -- it was amazing, but I couldn't imagine having a wedding on that scale (and from what I've observed UK, US and Australian weddings are fairly similar in approach).
I don't quite have that issue, but as an immigrant to the UK from Australia I'm finding a few challenges in combining my expectations/wedding ideal with what's usual here -- only little things, but some of them have made me (and my mum!) stop and think.
I have been to a luxerious and amazing wedding in Poland. I have been to a cheap wedding in Germany. My wedding is going to be an extravagant european wedding! I think it really depends on the people.
I can't really agree with you about the weddings in Europe.
I'm born in Sweden but my parents are Greek, so I have one foot in each culture. I can really agree with what has been said about Greek weddings here above.
In Sweden i have been to really extravagant weddings and really low key weddings. In Sweden a big wedding has over 75 people - that is a very small wedding in Greece... Maybe b/c in Greece parents pay for their chidren's weddings whereas that is not so common in Sweden. People in Sweden become independent from their parents at a very early stage of their lives. A lot of couples also live together and have children wiithout getting married. It's a big thing to get married here but not everyone dreams about it and it is not really necessary. B/c you can't expect any financial help from your parents the extravagance of a wedding clearly depends on the financial situation of the couple.
My parents are paying for my wedding. Its a church wedding and the reception will be at a castle near by the church (nowdays the castle is used as a hotel and spa).
(sorry for all the miss spelled words I don't have Ms word on this computer)
I was curious about this. We have some friends from Italy who will be making their first trip to the US for our wedding (and can I just say how totally flattered and excited I am??) and I was wondering what kind of differences there would be for them.
Their 2 daughters will be coming as well, and they are roughly my age. They will be invited to the bachelorette, the rehearsal, the shower and the wedding, so they will get their fill of American wedding related activities!
@wonderlanded, that's really interesting! I'm glad to hear that you've been to some bigger weddings in the Mediterranean, I feel like I can now challenge the insistence that "weddings there are not as big of a deal"!
I wonder if the issue is not so much relative "extravagance" (i.e. money), but more like level of formality/guest list size. I wonder if the very large, relatively informal, but still expensive wedding is the most peculiarly "American"? I guess the other big thing is having a large wedding party, speeches, the bachelor/ette parties, showers? I've certainly heard of stag & doe parties, though, so maybe that's not the case?
@Ms.Lundvik I have a friend who's dating a Danish man and their attitude about long-term partnering sounds very similar to what you describe in Sweden (again, I'm generalizing, so my apologies if I'm way off base!). They have kind of an indifferent attitude about actually getting married and, if they do, it would likely be a very small wedding.
In France, weddings are very very very different!
Very traditional, very soft, very solemn, it's almost sad until the cocktail party!
It's not what you can see in magazines...
@ Cinnamon Roll
Without generalizing - yes - I think Danish and Swedish culture is quite the same in many aspects, same thing applies for Norway too. (Finland and Iceland)
These countries have similar government and collaborate in various political areas and legislation. For example we have been working together concerning the area of Family Law for over a 100 years.
A lot of men and women I know don't even think about getting married. For example my FI's brother, he has been with the same woman since they both were 16 (they are 9 years older than us (40 y old. now)). They have a nice house, 3 beautiful boys and so on.
But as I said before I have been to some nice and lavish weddings too, sigh...
I do not think that I can agree. I come from a Mediterranean island and here, huge and ultra extravagant weddings are the norm. I am having a 400 person reception with open bar and food buffets. Unfortunately, some people end up in debt, in order to organise these types of weddings.
I'm from the UK but living in Canada and the biggest difference I can see is the size of the guest list. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where there are over 150 guests... ours will be about 110 and that is bigger than I'd have liked. Wedding favours aren't such a big deal in the UK either and we don't tend to have rehearsal dinners. Rehearsals, yes, but not an expensive dinner afterwards. Open bars aren't the norm in the UK and we don't tend to have bridal showers either. But I don't think our weddings are more subdued, just smaller, and as others have pointed out, European weddings vary greatly from country to country. Our wedding is in Spain where things are different again!
My grandparents and my mom's sister were all born in Italy and moved here years ago. The thing with Italian Americans is that everyone competes with one another. I went to a distant cousins graduation party and it was very similar to a wedding. It took place at an extravagant golf club. There was an Italian band and dancing and a five course meal. At weddings, everything is over the top. I can not say if it is similar to weddings in Italy but I know italian Americans have to have huge huge events. All of the friends and relatives of the parents of the bride/groom have to do it better than the last wedding that was thrown.
I call BS on European weddings being less extravagant. Just like the US, it depends on the bride/groom and parents on how far the wedding will go. Some people just go to city hall with their witnesses (or even use the city hall witnesses) to formalize their relationship and that's that. Some people have huge religious ceremonies in the church after their civil ceremony. Some, like FI and I, have a more fancy civil ceremony that has some elements of a church wedding like a wedding dress.
Our wedding guestlist is a modest 40 people and we have some more extravagant elements like getting a 1935 rolls with driver for our arrival car (wedding cars are the norm here but I feel it's extravagant). We're also including all our guests in a tapas buffet dinner (which is more an American tradition) vs. just throwing some apps at them then sneaking out with the parents and witnesses for a fancy dinner elsewhere.
Since living here I've been to all range of weddings...some rather over the top and those were europeans w/o non-euro spouses!
Erm, I would say that European weddings (particularly in Mediterranean countries) are anything but subdued, it's like going to a carnival!!!!
British weddings are prob a bit scaled down in comparison to their US counterparts, but not all, believe me I've been to a few over the top weddings in Scotland & England were the Bride and Groom went all out.
I really think it's more of an individual choice rather than any thing to do with culture or nationality. You should have the wedding you want and if that means it's over the top, then you go for it!!!! :) x
I can only speak for Spain (where my FI is from). Traditional weddings in Spain are ridiculous by American standards.
As for personal experience (not at my wedding, but in passing): The WHOLE TOWN shows up!
Literally. Invitation or not -- if anyone knows the people getting married and they hear about the wedding, they're there getting drunk and singing songs with the baker and the car salesman who are probably hitting on the mother-in-law. XD And it's all good! Everyone loves it!
Granted, we live in a relatively small fishing-village-turned-resort-town (30k population in the off-season) so everyone knows everyone.
But that's just in case of a wedding. More and more, couples just stay together unmarried or do a civil union and don't make a big fuss about it. But when there is an actual wedding -- whoo, look out!
@prettywren Thankfully the dutch don't seem to do that for weddings (like in Spain, if they get married...and if they make a deal out of the civil wedding) but they are like that with birthdays. Everyone in the neighborhood shows up if you're in a village it seems like. ;-)
Personally, I think it can be pretty similar.
The most fancy wedding I was ever at so far was in Brasil... huge wedding where even all the guests wore $1000 frocks and all had their hair/nails/makeup done to impress. (I felt so out of place!) I don't even want to imagine what it cost for the 200 bottles of wine, 50 bottles of whiskey and countless kegs of beer. Who drinks 50 bottles of whiskey at a wedding???
My coworkers here in Switzerland tell me weddings back home in the UK are usually around 20k, which is over $30,000! That's more than the average in the States!
Not everyone does the traditional wedding route in Swiss land, but if they do, I have a feeling it's comparable or more expensive just due to how much higher things cost over here. I'm still surprised how similar the Brasilian wedding was in structure to American weddings.
I think it's amazing what is normal in even various parts of the U.S. I live in Minnesota, and it seems like for us No-Coasters, things like Cash Bars and buffets are much more common than on the coasts, where they seem to be considered rude.
For all of the weddings I have been to in Minnesota, there is usually an open bar for the cocktail hour, and then afterward free beer and wine, but cash for mixed drinks.
My cousin got married in Chicago to a man from Ireland, and that wedding was crazy! Over the top in my families opinion. It was a very fancy dinner in a rented out resturant, with an open bar all night, and then an after party at an Irish pub. Very fun though! I just can't imagine spending 100k plus on my wedding.
@ILikePink: Eeek that is too much!
I just remembered that in Switzerland they usually have civil union with the attendants awhile before the actual wedding... then they have the church wedding, followed by an apero (which is like snacks and drinks) with everyone, and after that the couple goes to a dinner with their closest family and friends.
It's considered normal in Swiss land that if you're a friend you would only get invited to the apero party and not the fancy dinner later, but in the US I think this would in general be considered rude to have one part for general and one for closer people. (although it would help cut costs down!)
We will have 150-160 for ceremony, then probably another 50 or so to the 'evening' section of the reception, which usually goes on til about 2.30am. Cash bar is the norm, thank god. With the recession things have generally been scaled back a bit, but the usual is probably still around 20k - maybe $25k, roughly? It's a lot, but they're generally quite informal, but not particularly wild.
I can relate and it's been a tug of war to say the least. My side is the American side and for the most part weddings are a big celebration. Not for show, but because I have a huge family. He is half dutch and half armenian. The Armenian side is a non issue because the wedding is a celebration for them as well, but the dutch side well let's just say there have been some extremely rude things said. They don't typically do large weddings and everything is kept simple. We're having a small intimate wedding which I thought would have satisfied them, but because its in France and not in a venue of their liking its been pretty rough. They feel it's a unnecessary expense. Anyway I can empathize with you. I had to buy this book I was getting so stressed out! It's called Take Back Your Wedding and you can find it on Amazon.
http://www.amazon.com/Take-Back-Your-Wedding-Managing/dp/1419663380
@ILikePink: I agree with you about us Minnesotan girls, and how it seems like things are done differently in different parts of the US. I remember reading that some traditions I always see at weddings here are considered "rude" after I started planning my wedding. Oops.
I think now adays it depends more on the couple/famlies than it does on where they are from or where they are getting married.
I think it really depends on each country, and not the whole Mediterranian area. My fiance is from US, and I am from Eastern Europe, and our weddings there can be as extravagant as they are here (but of course emphasis is on different things), and there are also very low key weddings/civil weddings. I have also seen weddings in Spain, I actually attended one at a church, as everyone was invited.
I think I agree that it must be a regional thing, because I was in Ireland this summer, and we saw two weddings that were both elaborate! I think that seems to be pretty traditional there. I wonder if American traditions are also based on primarily where our ancestors came from... I live in a mid-Atlantic state where traditional weddings are most commonly church weddings with a reception outside of the church. Typically the number of wedding guests is over 100 and more commonly in the 250 range. The historic cultural mix that is common in my area is Irish, Scottish, German, Polish, Italian and Greek. In looking at the diverse comments made on this thread and thinking about those regions, I think that larger community oriented weddings are common in the European areas where our families came from. I know from my mother, that it used to be that the wedding reception was held at the church, but I think that was more common when the bride and groom had grown up within the same community. But I think that weddings have gotten more elaborate as the bride and groom seem to more commonly come from more diverse regions.
Don't know if you count Turkey as Europe but weddings are a big deal to us. It's a huge party, no expense spared, lots of hurt feelings on the part of anyone who doesn't get an invitation, and it's never an issue if the wedding's on a weekday, goes on late etc. People will cancel other things to be at a wedding.
@Missbliss: We drove through Ireland this summer and while going through a tiny town saw a looong line that was several blocks long. I was wondering who's the big concert act that everyone's waiting to see. Then realized it's a funeral. Literally, the whole town must've been there. I'd imagine their weddings would be similar.
I think you'll find extravagant and simple weddings anywhere you look. My hubby is Dutch (I'm American) and some of the differences that I've found is that they don't have a wedding party, don't do std's, don't do extravagant invites (my hubby says typically the invite would look like a birthday party invite and rsvp's would be done word of mouth or via email). Also they typically do an after party in addition to a reception. If they are planning to have a church wedding, then they have to plan in a civil ceremony earlier in the day or year or whatever because church weddings are not considered legal paperwork-wise.
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While my side of the family is American, he's a first generation immigrant from the Mediterranean. There's been a lot of talk about how relatively extravagant American weddings are compared to more subdued celebrations in Europe. Can anyone relate? For those with families outside the US whose cultures don't typically make a huge deal out of weddings, did you have to compromise on the scale or style of the wedding?