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I wouldn't think you have to spend an X amount more becuase you are in the wedding. Just something nice doesn't mean expensive!
Etiquette says you don't have to give anything, that the money you have contributed, dress, shower, etc. is your gift.
I always give something, but you dont have to
If they make me spend money on silly things like hair and shoes, then I'll spend less on their gift.
If they are sensible and let me even choose my own dress, well, I guess I'd spend more on their gift!
I'll probably give a $30 shower gift (I'm hosting the shower and providing everything but the cupcakes ), and a $50 wedding gift, assuming my funds hold steady.
It depends on what I can afford after how much I shelled out- if it cost me a lot to be in the wedding, I will probably (have too!) give a cheaper gift.
My standard wedding shower gift is $50. If I throw the party than I don't give a gift. My standard wedding gift is $100-150 per person i.e. me and my fiance. I give this regardless if I stood up or not.
Thanks for your help and suggestions! This is my first wedding that I am in, but also the first of 3 Im in for the summer! I think I will give them what I usually gift at weddings of friends ($150)
my answer would be the same as baletrina's except i do give a gift even if i throw a shower, i may not spend as much as i normally would but i still give something.
i also think amounts for shower and wedding presents are regional
west coast scene may be a little more lavish in spending, but i assume NY would be similar.
standard cash gift per person out here is $100, so you and guest = $200 per couple
if the bride pays for your dress and hair, that means she is spending at least $200 on you, if not more.
in that case, i would give $350-400 for me and my guest, total. it is not your obligation to pay her back but helping out with her cost would be appropriate gesture.
@ Finallygettingmarried
Wow the bride paid for your hair and dress? Is that standard where you live? That seems very generous of her!
Me personally, I give more when I am in a wedding because that means I am closer to the bride. Even if I have to pay for my dress, shoes, hair, makeup, and accesories.
@roxy821: DH and I are the same way. We give larger gifts to the couple when we are in their wedding because if we are a part of the wedding party, they are obviously some of our closest friends.
The costs to be in the wedding party (shoes, dress, hair, showers, bacherlor/ette parties, etc) don't get factored into the gift giving at all. They are a totally separate expense that you took on by agreeing to stand up with them, IMO.
My gift amount is always reflective of how close I am to the couple - therfore if I am in their wedding, these are actually the largest gifts I give (because obviously I am close to the couple.)
I will say, that although as a BM you do not have to give a gift, and if you choose not to (which is completely fine considering the costs you put in) do be sure to give the bride and groom a nice card - a few of my BM didn't give me a card/note and I was a little hurt by that.
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Hello Bees,
I was wondering what is typical for gifts when being in a wedding. Do I give more bc I am a part of the day, or less because I am! I contributed to a beautiful shower that cost each bridesmaid $150, and attended a destination bachelorette party and her portion was a gift as well. I am unsure what to do in this situation!
Thanks for your help!