(Closed) an etiquette question: the Ungrateful Bride

posted 9 years ago in North Carolina – Research Triangle
Post # 3
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

that has to be the rudest thing I have ever heard of in my life

 

maybe they were upset because they spent somuch on the reception they expected expensive fancy gifts in return; I know of one couple who come from a  culture where whatever they spend on the plate they expect to receive the same money back in gifts or cash, its a cultural thing

 

aw, how rude and mean a gift comes from the heart there should be no monetary value set

Post # 4
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

That is hands down the tackiest, rudest thing I have heard in a while- they should be incredibly ashamed of themselves. Wow honestly I can’t think of anything ruder than that, wedding-wise, at the moment. Tacky tacky tacky! And horrendously inconsiderate!!!

Post # 5
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Seriously? That is the worst thing I’ve ever heard. She is the reason people hate brides. WTF? I’m sorry that this happened to you. 🙁

Post # 6
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Apparently her and/or her husband were not raised to appreciate a gift.  I’ve heard of regifting but to actually send it back to the giver is very inconsiderate and insulting.  I’m so sorry for both you and your husband as it seems that you were upset and disappointed by your niece’s reaction.  Unfortunately there is little else you can do, unless you want to confront her (as nicely as possible) about it face to face?  You didn’t mention if you had children of your own, if you do , or if you plan to have them someday, this is the sort of thing you tell them about to teach them what not to do.

Post # 7
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That is horrific. What a horrid seflish girl. I think you need to stop being so nice and give her a few home truths as it clearly seems like nobody else will.

 

I also think your husband should speak to his brother/ sister (whoever is his sibling) and let them know how hurt he has been by their daughters selfish and cruel actions.

 

I am all for keeping peace in a family, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with honesty.

Post # 8
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Oh my! That is truly ungrateful and very rude. What a strange note, was there anything else in there, maybe a thanks for coming or it was nice to see you?

I’m glad to see you responded to her, and I’m confident from your post that you did so in an appropriate manner.

The only other thing that I can think of — and I don’t think her note supports this — is that she doesn’t want you to have to spend money on a gift for her. My FIL has given us some expensive gifts (Tiffany candlesticks and keychain) that I don’t really care for and I know he can’t afford. We both know that he cannot afford them, this is not an assumption. I would love to return them so he could have a few hundred bucks back, but DH won’t let me, and I agree it would really upset him.

Post # 9
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Wow…I’m shocked.  I feel horrible for you two and I also feel bad for the groom!  Imagine living your life with a woman like that!  My husband and I have been receiving a few early gifts and one was a beautiful hand made, quilted table runner made to match the colors of our invites.  Not really our style, but the thought and work that went into it is amazing.  I bought a few fun dishes to match it just so that I could display it for a lunch or something.  I am so sorry that you had to deal with that, you have every right to be offended and upset. 

Post # 10
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

KateMW is so right — this kind of behavior is why people hate brides!  Returning a gift to the giver because you don’t like it is horrifyingly rude.

A lot of couples do face a dilemma when a loved one gives them a thoughtful gift that’s not particularly to their taste and can’t be returned, so I sympathize with that aspect of their situation.  But for pete’s sake, where did this couple get the idea that it was OK to mail the gift back to you with a snotty note?  Not OK, at all.  You were not being cheap, and you are not overreacting.  Your niece’s actions were indeed “Bridezilla” behavior.

Post # 11
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Holy cow!!  I’ve never heard anything like that! I would love to know her and hear her “thinking” about how sending this note could be okay?!!!

Post # 12
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think you can tell by all the other posts how appalled we are by this. Anyone would feel like dirt if this happened to them and it’s beyond all sense of decency what your niece did. Very strange and ungrateful. I really hope she comes to her senses and finds a way to apologize to you and your husband.

Post # 13
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Holy piece of crap.

THat girl is…there are no words. But tacky, rude, selfish and a B-word comes to mind.

Does her mom know she did this (either your husband’s sister or your sis I guess? Or bother’s wife, you know what I mean) because this girl needs a lesson on manners

How about you send her an Emily Post Etiquette book and say, “Honey, I think you need to read this” or, for Christmas perhaps? lol. Or anonymously, so you can write a snarky note

I’m sorry your niece is such a B! That’s absolutely horrendous. What an ungrateful little brat. I wonder if anything is good enough for her. Yikes 

Post # 14
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

DISGUSTING! I second letting her mother know what she did. I am sure she didn’t pay for that wedding out of her own pocket. She needs a slap back into reality.

Post # 15
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

ejs4y8, I love it!  Get this gal an etiquette guide and send it to her with a note saying, “We’re so sorry our previous gift was not to your liking.  We decided to get you something more practical this time.  We send you this book with all the love in the world, and with the hope that reading it will help you acquire the manners you so desperately need.”  (OK, too snarky, not really.  But fun to contemplate!)

Also, I’m with those who said to tell this girl’s parents.  Honestly, the parents may be the problem (it sounds like they really spoiled the niece) — they might tell you that their darling little princess had every right to send back something she didn’t like.  But just in case they still have some manners, they should know how their daughter is treating their friends and family members.

Post # 16
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

MelissaB, I love it. Sometimes people just need to be told straight up they are being ridonkulous. Hee-haw.

If anything, maybe she’ll go “omg that was so rude of her to send me this book” (although totally justified in my opinion!!) and maybe her husband will go “hmmm….” I wonder if HE knows she did this, I mean, wow. What a pair.

If I knew her, I’d call her up =]

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