Post # 1
I’m getting married in exactly one month from this post and I’m very frustrated with one of my bridesmaids, who happens to be my fiance’s sister. My fiance and I have decided that we wanted a small family wedding. We told our parents that whoever is listed on the envelop is the only one invited.
When we got our RSVP cards back, we found several family members including my fiance’s sister have invited other guests. We called the family members and let them know we were on a very tight budget and we couldn’t include those they invited to the wedding. They all were gracious about it except for one…the sister.
She insists that her boyfriend should come and her mother is also insisting that he should. We’ve already told the both of them that he can’t come and they still keep insisting that he should.
FYI – my fiance’s side of the family have been MIA since the wedding planning and preparations have started. It was pulling teeth to get them to do a rehearsal dinner, however, I found out later that both my fiance and I are still going to end up financing it as well…
No one else in the wedding party are bringing dates, and not even other family members…
What should I do?
Post # 3
How long have she and the boyfriend been together? Are they living together? How old are they? I know you say no one else is bringing “dates” but if that’s because some of them are married and the rest are single without SOs then that would change it for me. Kind of sucks I know when the budget’s tight and you want to keep things intimate but sometimes I think rules need to be broken to keep the family peace (of course FSIL should have discussed it with you like an adult, rather than just putting his name on the RSVP, and of course she should respect your wishes instead of kicking up a stink, so now it’s just a matter of deciding what to do next). I feel your pain, guest list issues are hard!
Post # 4
I think you are going to have to allow the boyfriend to come or you may lose your BM and make FI’s family extremely unhappy. Sorry 🙁
Post # 5
Well, both my fiance and I never met the boyfriend. The sister is 21 and the boyfriend is 31. They’ve been dating for a year and no, they don’t live with each other.
My fiance also told his bestman (cousin) he couldn’t bring his gf and we mentioned this to the sister, but she still insists that it’s not the same thing…ugh! For some reason, my fiance hinted that she won’t even show up for the wedding if her bf isn’t allowed to come….a month before the wedding! Marvelous…
Post # 6
I think bridesmaids should be allowed dates. They shell out a lot of money to be in a wedding (dress, bachelorette party, shower…)..
Post # 7
I say stick to your guns. If no one else can bring bf/gfs then she is being completely SELFISH and should be told so. Your FI should also tell her when she’s engaged and planning a wedding she’ll understand. Until he puts a ring on it…no. I don’t agree that the bridal party should always get to bring a guest. She’ll be fine without him. Get over it.
Post # 8
i dont think you should stress over ONE additional person, especially since he the bf of one of your bridesmaids.. Even though she was wrong to not respect your wishes, i dont think ONE person will really break your budget
Post # 9
Hmmm… on one hand, I say stick to your guns and say no (I mean, seriously, do you really care if she doesn’t show up? She sounds like a brat).
BUT, it sounds like you have already tried putting your foot down and she is still trying to bring the boy. I guess you can just keep saying no and if he shows up, try to be the bigger person and make sure he’s not around for any pictures
Post # 10
Mmmm. I dunno, this is a touchy subject.
I’m going to try to be logical here, and maybe say something to her along the lines of this:
“I’m sorry that you are upset about this, but no one else is allowed to bring a date, not even the best man! If we let you bring your boyfriend, we’d have to let everyone bring their significant other, and we just don’t have the funds to do so, I’m really sorry but there’s nothing we can do at this point.”
Seriously, from my nonlogical side of my brain, perhaps the meaner side, it’s only what, 5 hours! She can be away from him for 5 hours!! Jeez louise!
If he shows up, he’s going to have to know he won’t have a seat or a plate, so he may as well just not show up. I think it’s very childish of her to not just accept the fact that it’s not her decision. If she wants to cough up the money FOR him to come, well then maybe I’d consider, but she doesn’t seem like the type to do that…
Yikes! Sorry you have to deal with this, I thank the Lord I have lovely bridesmaids! Sorry, dear, I hope this works out for you!!!
Post # 11
To be honest, I don’t know why more people aren’t suggesting that you stick to your no guest policy. You have told everyone else, including other family members, that they cannot bring dates, even if they’re in relationships. I don’t see why FI’s sister should get an exception – it’s only going to make other people upset that they didn’t get an exception to the rule as well. I would have your FI be very firm with his family and tell them that the boyfriend unfortunately will not be invited and that you’re not going to have any exceptions to the no dates rule. It is your decision, especially if they’re not paying for extra people.
Post # 12
Ugh, I would stick to my guns on this one. Even bestman cannot bring his GF, who does she think she is. No one gets a date. End of story. She needs to grow up. Don’t let her and FMIL change your mind on this, I feel like that could be a slippery slope. Neither of them are in the place to insist anything unless they want to pony up the cash for it.
Post # 13
Well, I bought my bridesmaids dresses, shoes, and etc. My bridesmaids aren’t planning me a bachelorette or shower party. My family is actually planing the party.
Post # 14
If I allow him to come, it would open a can of beans with my family that I’ve already told can’t bring other guests.
Post # 15
Thanks for the input! I too think she can handle not having him around for 5 hours…
Post # 16
Thanks for input…
We talked about the situation, and well if it comes to the sister not showing up, my brother’s wife will take her spot. It’s an unfortunate situation situation, and not a great way to start the union of two families…