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I would assume that means only me but I have found in my own experience that many people think it's an open invitation.
Ettiquette very, very clearly states that if only your name is listed, only you are invited.
I assume NO "and guest" means NO GUEST! And If I was in a relationship and unsure I'd ask before INVITING someone! GOSH! That stinks :/
If it doesn't say and guest then a guest wasn't invited. I had a few people add a guest on even though they weren't given a guest. Some people just don't get it.
Peter Smith (no guest)
Peter Smith & Guest (guest welcome)
Now I am being called cheap my a close friend. Frustrating.
As I said in a previous post, a lot of people just don't know. And the reception card which often allows you to fill in the number of guests doesn't help. But your friend is pretty stank for saying that shhh to you.
That's rude of your friend!
Seriously - let me bump my grandma so you can bring your flavor of the month?
Why don't you diffuse the situation by saying you will do your best to "fit the guest in" when what you can really do is see what your numbers are looking like. If you have the room and are willing to allow the guest - just to keep the peace - then do so, but there's no shame in letting your friend know that it was rude/bad ettiquette / a pain in the butt for you...
How frustrating! Miss Sapphire and Johnsbride09 are right, no name=no guest. Unfortunatley, many people no longer understand etiquette. I agree with Querida that IF there's a possibility you'd keep a guest possibility on the list just to keep peace, but at the same time, if she's not discreet about it, you could wind up having this problem and expectation with your other singles wanting +1's.
At least she's only asking for one. I've been at weddings which were clearly adult, very formal events and very nice venues, and parents have brought their kids. Not on the invite, but brought them anyway, and they were all under the age of 5. And there were at least 2 or 3 per couple.
Let us know how it goes. (hug)
I would assume that if only my name were on the invitation that I was not invited with a guest, although if I really wanted to bring someone I might ask if that was okay (before I invited a date)--although I probably wouldn't do that unless I knew absolutely no one other than the couple.
But I am learning that people invited to weddings become suddenly less bright and who knows how they will interpret it.
I think you were clear with the way your invitation was addressed. It's presumptive of her to assume otherwise. I think it's fine to ASK (if she can bring a guest), but just as any question, the answer "NO" is a fair and appropriate answer. She's being rude by calling you cheap, because she didn't like the answer you gave her.
You didn't do anything 'wrong'.
I was asked if they could bring a date, I said no explained it was a tight guest list. Also said if anything changed I would let her know. Then a week later get called rude and cheap and that I should have a small wedding if I dont allow the few choosen guest to bring a guest. Told I should have had a cheaper wedding so that those people could bring guest. I told the person that family (second cousins werent invited) I have a small wedding because I want it that way. We could afford a lavish wedding however that's not what we want.
I will continue to stick to my motto even before I started planning a wedding - people are going to talk crap no matter what type of wedding you have - so make sure you have the wedding you want to have and not just to make others happy.
Mind you I only invited about five girlfriends and 25 family members and the guest is aware of the fact that FH is paying for everything and having his guests as well - to make 75 people.
Only the person/people who it is addressed to are invited. Most people know, they just want to bring someone and often don't care about the etiquette.
Just my 2 cents:
- according to Ms. Manners no one should be invited "and Guest" unless someone's name is actually Guest
- it is still common practice that if an invite is written to just you then it means only you are invited, nobody else
We allowed everyone to bring a guest but didn't include "and guest" on the invites of those who we didn't know the name of their potential guest. We figuered they would either:
a. assume they shouldn't bring someone and then don't, saving us money and keeping our guest list open for others
b. ask us if it is alright, which of course the answer is a "of course"
c. RSVP for 2 anyway, which is still fine
In your case it's wrong of your friend to get so upset or to call you "cheap." Like oracle said, it's fine to ASK but you gave a fair response.
well....tell her you can save even more money if you uninvite her and her univited guest! LOL!! the nerve of people.
We didn't include 'and guest' on ANY of our invitations. If guests were married they were addressed 'Mr. and Mrs.' or 'and family'... we had a very tight guest list and couldn't alter it much. We got A LOT of push back from my husband's brother (he recently became engaged to someone he'd been dating for 2 months). His argument was that they were engaged, our argument was that 1. the guest list was set prior to them dating, 2. the STD's were sent out prior to the engagement! We did tell them that if there was more 'no' responses then we were anticipating (which there were) they were the FIRST on the list! This wasn't good enough and we were told that I would not be invited to their wedding (even though we'd been engaged for 3 years by the time they were engaged and will be married almost a year by the time their wedding comes along)... Very frustrating!
No 'and guest'=no guest!
@ nvybaby82, I think you were in a really difficult situation, and I may have reacted differently. You are talking about your hubby's bro and part of the family, and a man that now is technically engaged no matter how shady the circumstance. If I were in your position, I would have allowed this one to slip through. It is almost like you are slapping them in the face and saying that their relationship didn't mean anything (even if it really didn't eeek).
I actually advised this person that the rule applied to everyone who wasnt married/engaged/one year relationship plus, with the exception of my sisters, who one changed boyfriends and her previous boyfriend was included ( i hated her ex so i am very happy he's out of the picture and welcoming the new one with open arms), other has her steady and happy to have him join us, and the other is going through a divorce which started after my engagement, and i extend her a date invite as an option. I told the guest this because she's close and knows the things going on and I didnt want her to get there and be like, well her sisters have dates and those people do, etc. = so I gave the details. She's a close friend.
She just told me to take her advice and wipe my butt with it and not to care about it. however she still said it, it bothered me, i gave my opinion on her thoughts and thanked her for her honesty.
i dont mind the truth but this is a close friend that instead of making things more stressful for me perhaps should be there for me....im done telling her wedding info, b/c no matter what it's not good enough for her since she doesnt have a guest invite.
If it was only my name I would consider that I am not able to bring a guest.
@nvybaby2 - I agree with heather in that you should have made an exception for family members, especially your FI's brother. I understand the guest list was made before they are engaged but you are going to have a new SIL soon as well. Do you really want to not allow her to come and take part in your day?
I have no idea why people think they can invite whomever to parties they themselves are not hosting... so weird. It's not a college frat kegger!
@heather25- We can't change how many people the venue holds (it held 60, we invited 140 knowing good and well that half wouldn't come)... we were expecting max capacity. As my husband stated to his brother, the second we knew we had open spots they would be told (we let them know almost a month prior to the wedding that there was room)... that wasn't soon enough for them. How were we supposed to know when we sent out the invites that he would propose to someone he'd been dating for 2 months? How is it my fault that my husband made the decision to tell him no? When we did let them know (AGAIN, a month prior) that there was indeed room and we would LOVE to have her (we had all met and we loved her so there wasn't any harsh feelings) we were told that she didn't have any time off at work... STILL not understanding the argument...
You are not obligated to invite unknown guests just so your friends can bring a sidekick. You're right, just saying the name with no ("plus one" or "and guest") means that just they are invited. I think the only time it's rude to NOT allow a guest is when the person is married, engaged, or living with said "guest".
@nvy...I know understand more fully. At the time, you couldn't really accomodate anyone else. They should not have taken such a hardline knowing what situation you were in. Did she/Is she coming?
@heather - we really did try to be accomidating, promise :-) We didn't want to inconvenience anyone, let alone family! A few of our other guests called and asked about bringing a guest and they were told the same thing 'as soon as we got closer to the actual number of yes' we would let them know'. When we told my husband's brother there was in fact room and we would love to have her (and her 2 little girls, they all really are sweet) he said she couldn't get off work anyway, he was just upset that her name wasn't included to begin with!
I've been to many weddings as a single gal (both with and without serious BF) and personally always liked having the 'and guest' option. Sometimes I'd take the offer up, and sometimes I wouldn't. I guess my point is - to the single invited guest - sometimes it's much more enjoyable to go with a guest - especially if you are feeling that at a wedding your singleness is even more so pronounced. As you stated, your friend was just trying to give you her perspective - and, hopefully, by fully explaining, you were able to give her yours (in wanting a small wedding). It's just two different perspectives and a bit of misunderstanding on her part. She'll understand more of where you are coming from when and if she plans a wedding of her own... just as I know we all are guilty of our own faux pas from back in the day!
It's too bad that your friend is making this a big deal. I wouldn't think that an invitation to just one person would mean he/she could automatically bring a guest. but honestly, with respect to weddings, I'm always surprised what people assume.
I think that your friend has made this situation just intolerable! I can't imagine doing that to a FRIEND of mine right before the wedding. I would never. Not in a million years. I don't care if I was in a relationship or not...if I got an invite that just said "Betty" on it, then only I would show up. I don't even think that I would call my friend and ask if I could...but maybe I'm in the minority.
BIG ((HUGS)) going out to you!!
The bottom line is that everyone has to cut off the guest list somewhere. What you are doing is perfectly fine and a very common practice for many couples.
That being said it truly is a shame that your friend is acting the way she is and causing added stress that is definitely not needed.
To save your sanity and what is left of your friendship with her, you may just have to tell her that you will not discuss it with her any further. This is your decision, that's the way it is, and if she doesn't like it then she can stay home.
Don't let others bring you down! There is enough stress when planning a wedding, and what she is doing isn't right.
Good luck to you!
My 2 cents. Nvybaby2. I'm sorry; but, a fiancee is not a guest and your brother in law has a right to bring his intended whether or not she was on the original guest list. Even if she is the flavor of the month, a ring is a ring is a ring. You can't dispute that.
However, with regards to answering the question. One name means 1 person. Period.
So, let her not come is my opinion. She's probably jealous and trying to make your life miserable. No real friend would do that. She's probably also upset that she is not going to have you to hang out with, do hair and nails stuff, or whatever....let it go. Tell her due to budget, or space contraints, we can't extend the invitations to guests of our friends. Let us know what happens.
Why do people do this to each other in the name of friendship??? With friends like that, who needs enemies.
Ooops. Just noted wedding was in October. Oh well, info for the next person. This keeps coming up and isn't a unique problem.
If only my name were on the invitaiton, I would know it was only for me but I would contact the bride to ask if I could bring FI. BC unlessit was a family or VERY close friends wedding, I wouldn't go without FI,I think that would be disrespectful.
I was recently invited as a single to a friends wedding. I have been with my FH for over a year and a half, and while we are not officially engaged - it's a long drawn out story - I feel as though we are emotionally and in our plans for the future engaged for all intents and purposes.
I was sort of taken aback, I'm of the mind that my friends are mature enough to know who is an appropriate guest and who is not. I don't think I would invite anyone without the option of a +1, having had the humiliating task of asking my friend if I can bring my SO to his wedding. I sort of felt like if he didn't know how serious my relationship is why was I even invited to the wedding.. that kind of thing always feels like a cash grab to me.
Enough about me.. your friend is being a bit over the top.. I would just hold firm and tell her no guest, especially if this is just a random date that she's scrounged up for the purpose of your wedding. I agree that no +guest or +1 on the invitation means come alone, but I am in the camp that everyone should be given the option. I think the cheese stands alone there though! :P
CHEAP??? You or your parents are spending a boatload of cash on this shindig. Tell her that if she wants to pay the $15 to the caterer that you will squish an 11th chair into a table meant for 10, and she can survive another hour because she is still joined at the hip with her beloved. Oh and she can float the $15 each for every other wedding crasher that decides it's okay because she did it.
Better yet, if she honestly cannot breathe being away from Mr. Wonderful for a few hours then the kindest thing would be for her not to be away from him at all and just stay home with him.
Over the rudeness, can ya tell?
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I have been asked my guest, who I addressed their invite with their name only, not " and guest", and one guest considered the invitation to be "open" with regards to bringing a guest. So they invited someone to come with them and then later asked me about bringing a guest, which I responded I didnt include a guest for them as I had done for several other single guest. I only made an exception to the no ring/live-in/serious one year plus relationship rule for my sisters.
Do you consider your name alone on an invite to mean you can bring a guest - especially when you are aware of a tight guest list ( less than 75 people)
I just want to make sure i am right on this one.