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--please realize this is done in humor and frustration at the same time---
Dear first try and pregnant girls. you suck. Ok. Not really, I'm just supremely jealous. :P
Dear girls who don't really desperately want kids but just are because "the clock is ticking" and it's time and get pregnant like that.
Dear teenage girl I saw on the train this morning that is not a day older than 16. How the fudge are YOU pregnant but me older, stable income, loving relationship, own home have been trying for 6 months and still zilch?
And yes, I know the grammar on this post is horrible. I'm rambling.
Sigh.
What about you? Any jealousy/angry gripes?
I hear ya. I'm not trying yet but if I do and I have fertility problems, I will probably have to quit my job lest I go crazy from dealing with the Moms in my caseload. It's like God made all the useless tweekers and irresponsible 15 year olds the most fertile people on earth as some sort of sick joke.
Interestingly, in most cultures for all of human history--when fertility has been valued much more than it is now (see: the pill,) women WERE married and expected to have kids when they were 16.
but yeah, that stinks it's hard for you. sorry to hear that. :-/
my friend who struggled to become pregnant once told me it seemed any young dumb 16yr can get pregnant but the older, wiser and educated struggle - she now has a beautiful girl so it did happen with some medical assistance
goodluck and i hope it happens for your sooner than later
I am with you, I work in NICU so I have my face shoved in all the "accidents" and "not even tryings" all of the time and it makes me want to punch someone in the face after 11 months of trying with no success!
I'm sorry this is happening to you.
I agree. My druggie cocaine loving cousin is a year younger than me, been married 3 times and divorced twice, had 4 different pregnancies from 4 different guys and is refusing to make arrangements for her unborn child's special needs (poor thing has clubbed feet and she didn't think it was necessary to find a specialist to get the baby casts to straighten his ankles out once he was born. My mother mentioned this and her response was "Oh....no. I didn't think of that.")
Then me future med school student with a wonderful man who will be my husband someday...not able to have kids. What....the fuck.
Sometimes it's just as hard when you know you're not "allowed" to get pregnant. Some people have medical reasons for not being able to have a child. FI and I have financial reasons for not being able to have a baby right now and when I see teenaged girls getting pregnant on purpose and acting like it's no big deal it rips my heart out.
I always thought how funny Nature works. How is it we are the most fertile when we are younger, and least fertile when were more mature and have more wisdom.
It should be the other way around.
All I want to know how is how on earth these girls actually manage to get knocked up "by accident" in the first place. I mean seriously, I only have a 20% chance if I do it at the right time and these girls get knocked up by doing it just once!
I am pregnant and what makes me the most upset is when i see a child neglected or treated badly the other day i was shopping and a little girl about 4 or 5 years old said "momma i need something...(dont know what it was) and kept asking and then she gets spanked and told told shut up or else i going to spank you again.....like really, lets address the need and move on in a civil manner.
ETA: I guess my point is that after wanting a baby so bad i cant imagine treating him like i see some people treat their children.
@Kemma: As one of those ones who got "knocked up" (yes on accident) at the age of 14 from only having sex once, I ask myself the same thing all the time...
@Ugoob: Well, it made perfect sense when humans only lived til 30. 16 was the perfect age to have children back then. We just haven't evolved from that yet.
Just an interesting tidbit: If the government banned sex (and actually policed it) until 40 (and all conceptions were natural), we would eventually (like, in 100+ years) see an increase in fertility at that age as well as an increase in life expectancy in general. Of course there would be a lot of childless people before that kicked in.
I understand how frustrating it must be to see such young people with children. I can't believe how "lucky/unlucky" they are either.
It infuriates me to see parents like that!!! 
One of my husband's co-worker is a liar and a thief and has 4 kids, all under the age of 10, by 4 different mothers. He can not afford to pay child support for any of them. He is divorcing his current wife, whom he got knocked up and they are getting kicked out of their place because they can not afford rent.
Why is it that a piece of shit like that has four kids and there are others like you and me out there who just wants it so bad and cannot.
We are blessed in so many other ways. I mean at the end of the day I think this makes us stronger and better parents. And perhaps it's penance for being so lucky in other parts of life.
This makes me so angry. Why did I have to carry a baby all the way to the end only to have my baby die when children get pregnant so easily. Also, my mom got pregnant with me at 16 and my dad was 17. They were in no way ready for a child as I became an adult years ago, but am still waiting on them.
I felt this exact way after trying for a year. Within that time, my SO's niece (19) got pregnant. I was SO upset and he didn't understand why. Whatevs.lol It all turned out good because I got pregnant the month she gave birth! :) But Ispent a long time being jealous and I NEVER get jealous over anything!
When my niece was 21 she accidently got pregent by her drug dealer boyfriend.... when she was 27 ... same thing but by a different guy, who currently resides in our penal system ... she has two beautiful healthy girls. She has just walked out on them ... AGAIN and left them with their grandmothers.... she's been gone 2mos and no one knows where she is, she hasn't called to see if they are ok or anything.
but ... I've been told that having a child will be nearly impossible for me ... makes me want to punch my niece in the face. I just don't get it.
Eesh. There are so many ways in which life isn't fair, and this is definitely one of them. My heart goes out to you ladies!
When I was in social work, there was a developmentally disabled woman on caseload who had 5 children. All 5 ended up being taken away from her at some point in their lives (the youngest was 4 when he was removed, but should have been taken a whole lot earlier than that). I haven't started trying yet, but I always asked myself why someone who could barely take care of herself, let alone a child, had 5 healthy children; and her support staff person had been married for 10 years and wanted desperately to have a child, could never get pregnant. It really is unfair.
I feel this same way when I watch shows like 16 and Pregnant, or even Pregnant in Heels (those women just want a cute baby bump, they don't actually want the baby). After trying for a year and having to see a specialist and still no baby, it sucks to see all these people get it so easily, or without even trying. It really does suck.
I feel this same way when I watch shows like 16 and Pregnant, or even Pregnant in Heels (those women just want a cute baby bump, they don't actually want the baby). After trying for a year and having to see a specialist and still no baby, it sucks to see all these people get it so easily, or without even trying. It really does suck.
I had the opposite problem. I had my first at kid in high school but everything turned out well for our family. The next two happened while I had an IUD. I was so overwhelmed and said "God, I pray for no more kids" and a month later I was I found out I was expecting the fourth. No doubt I am very fertile, my grama had 11 babies! I finally had to tie my tubes but am so happy after 3 boys I finally got a beautiful daughter :)
Since you're feeling bad about having a difficult time getting pregnant I'm going to tell you a story about how I couldn't stop having babies to make you feel even worse?
@regberadaisy: I hear you and feel the same way. We're not yet trying, but I'm baffled by how they can just conceive while others can't. It's bad right now because I'm super jealous of pregnant women. I want a baby! I want to be pregnant! Ugh, I hate these feelings, but at least I'm owning them.
@Candy_Nee: What's funny was last year, I felt that way. I only wanted the bump, wasn't quite ready for the baby and responsibility. Now, I'm ready for the responsibility and everything.
@Potatoes: I feel the same way as you. I desperately want to have a baby, but we really can't afford it right now. It breaks my heart every time I see some kid with a baby. I can't watch shows like teen mom or 16 and pregnant
We also have family pressure not to have children right away. My FI's mother says she doesn't think ppl in Canada should have kids at all (which is weird because she loves being a mom) and my brother and sister think I should wait until I'm in my late 30s like they did.
@tall_jenny: What?! Why does she think Canadians shouldn't have kids? I know we're supposed to be respectful of other peoples opinions but that's very bizarre. It's not like Canada is some third world craphole...
I wasnt trying and my daughter was a surprise, but I must admit, I am jealous of COMPLETE families. It is just me and my daughter, but I wish she had a loving and caring father, and I, a husband.
Word. Found out my 19 year old cousin is pregnant with her second this morning, right after we officially started our 8th month of trying. Not fair, and trying really really hard not to be bitter, but today I am.
@assilem: They have socialized healthcare, far from it. I actually knit with someone whose Canadian and so is her fiance. She's mentioned that if she ever gets really sick, etc. they both would go to Canada to receive medical care. I wish I could do that. Also in Canada, they have a year long maternity leave too. I'm happy to know that I get 8 weeks paid. Some companies don't even do that.
It is sucky when girls who dont want children or are super young get pregnant expecially when there are so many couples who want it so bad. I just look at it like thats the way its supposed to be everything happens for a reason..
@assilem: Referring to AngelS? LOL I was thinking the exact same thing.
@organizedbride11 -That's true!
I was one of those "dumb girls who got knocked up young" I had my son right before I turned 18. And not to say it hasn't ever been hard, but not every "young girl" that has a child is a horrible parent.. While I wish it had happened a few years down the road I wouldn't trade my son for the world. I actually got pregnant 2 weeks before I was supposed to start the pill. I think a lot of young girls honestly are naive & think it just wouldn't happen.. My son's father actually fought with me about getting on the pill because he said it made it seem like I was cheating on him.. I was young, dumb, & naive, BUT I did grow up & take care of my son.. I was never one of those girls that was on welfare or state health care or any other assistance.. My sister didn't have her kids until she was in her late 20's & my son definitely has a better life & mother than her kids could dream of, she doesn't even take care of her kids because she'd rather sit on her butt & have men take care of her.
dear SIL you fertle merytel how do you have all these babies back to back with no problem :(
@assilem: She's an odd duck. Its actually because the world is overpopulated and she thinks people in Canada should do their part to try and bring the population back down or something... I didn't really understand her reasoning.
On a somewhat related note, it's also not particulary helpful when one's family members (I'm thinking of my mom right now) talk about how incredibly easy it was for them to get pregnant, even at a later age. Apparently all my mom had to do was think about getting pregnant, and "poof" a baby would appear in her belly. i wish I had some of that fairy dust right now, but apparently it's not necessarily genetic!
Age/ fertility doesn't make you any more or less deserving to be a parent.
It kills me to see people treat their kids badly - it's so painfully unfair to see a child in a bad situation through no fault of theirs and unable to better it. Esp when, at 28, going through super duper early menopause there's a very slim to none chance of biological children.
I don't think anyone has said just because you are a young parent you are a bad parent. Everyone that has mentioned a young parent is in a specific scenario where they had a broken relationship, drug addict, mental issues etc.
And for those of us that are TTC and have been for months to years we are mentally, physically, financially and emotionally capable of bringing a baby into this world. So the thought of us trying and trying and nothing happens. But a young high school girl who can not possibly be mentally, financially or emotionally ready for a baby to come into their life to become pregnant by "accident" yes that is like a kick to my stomach, where by the way, there is no baby growing.
Come back when you've been TTC for months to a year w/o a success and tell me you will not feel the same. And if you have been and don't feel any pang of jealousy or anger sometimes towards these "16 & pregnant" then I commend you because you're a much better person than I.
---
Anyway to all the other ladies, thank you for your kind words and baby dust to all who are TTC!! :)
I have to say though yesterday was the first time I saw my co-worker (who's 6 months pregnant) in a snug top and she looked beautiful! Her bump is perfect. :D
Neither situations of people being "first try and pregnant girls" or young mother should be deemed undeserving to be parents by anyone. There are plenty of unfair situations in the world, but that doesn't give us free reign to pass our judgements on to others if we don't know the situation.
I do however wish you luck in conceiving, as I understand your struggle.
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