(Closed) An unanswered proposal…

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I haven’t been in this situation, but wha about setting up a lot of candles or something nice like that for when he gets home. As soon as he gets there, tell him how much you love him, how much you love the ring, and how you would love to be his wife- forever. I’m sure it would mean a lot to him to hear how you feel, then say “Yes, of course I’ll marry you”. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I agree with PP. Then I would hand the ring back to him and allow him to put it on your finger himself. It’s a big deal for a guy to propose and be able to put that ring on you.

Post # 5
Member
9629 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

What are your hesitations?

ETA:  I turned down a proposal once.  He was a very, very nice guy.  We were close, had a great friendship, he had a lucrative career and was very intelligent.  We dated for about a year off and on.  All along in our relationship I’d tried to keep things kinda light with him and let him know I wasn’t interested in being exclusive or too serious with him.  When he proposed I had to tell him, “I love you, but I am not in love with you.  I care for you deeply as my friend and I hope you understand.  I have tried to be honest with you all along.”  He did admit that he knew how I felt and that he still wanted to marry me anyway, he said, “You’ll learn to love me.”  Well, needless to say I turned down his proposal and we broke it off completely.  I cared about him, but I didn’t feel that “special spark” of being passionately in love the way I feel for my now-FI.  I’m so glad I didn’t marry someone who I knew in my heart wasn’t the right one for me, even though he was a very good guy and right for someone else.

Post # 6
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’ll admit, I kinda did a face palm when I read this (and maybe or maybe not said “ohh man!” out loud). My heart broke for your soon to be FI, but in all fairness when you’re not ready you’re NOT ready and shouldn’t ever feel forced to say yes b/c you feel guilty or bad. So, I’m kinda proud of you for not caving for any reason and for making sure you are actually ready before saying “yes”. I like the idea of doing something special, tell him how much you’d love to be his wife and handing the ring back to him to put on your finger. Good luck to you guys and congrats!

Post # 7
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I really cant answer this because I dont know your situation exactly. Why does he know that you’re not ready yet? What is holding you back?

I did not answer a proposal from a boyfriend, and ultimately, I turned it down. We had a ton of emotional and physical issues (cheating on my half and physical abuse on his) and I felt like his proposal was me setteling for something less than what I wanted and him trying to fix all of our problems with a ring and a promise. It was a great decision that did lead to our breakup. But it was (obviously!) all good in the end.

Post # 8
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

ummmm…..lots of candles, rose petals on the bed, wearing only the ring? 😉

Post # 9
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

How about proposing back to him? In my opinion that’s the best way to show that you’re not only saying “yes” to him, but that you’re really in 100%.

Post # 10
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’d do something really subtle to catch him off guard. Like hint that he’ll have to refer to you as wife or fiance. Like if you’re going to a family/friend thing just whisper in his ear “I can’t wait for you to introduce me as your fiance/wife” FI calls me his wife all the time, even though its not legal yet. It’s cute because it catches me off guard and makes me swoon a little more at the idea each time.

Post # 11
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@ccantics:  Oooh, that would be great! I can see it: ask him out for a nice dinner and meet him there. When the waiter comes by, order drinks and apps by saying “My fiance and I will be having…” and let your boy see the ring on your finger XD

Post # 12
Member
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If this is truly your decision, to marry him not because you’re feeling guilty, but because you truly love him, then I think you should propose back to him. Let him know that you are very sorry you didn’t answer right away, you had to think about it for a few days, that you love him with all your heart and want to be with him for the rest of your life! You should definitely wine and dine him for the night! Hope it all works out! Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

@IrisEngaged:  I’m confused…if your SO knew that you were still hesitant and might not say yes right away, why didn’t he wait a little longer until you were BOTH sure?  It seems like he put you in a a really akward position for no reason.  

Post # 14
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

I would take him out to a nice romantic place, someplace like a beach or a nice secluded area in a park. Then I would tell him how much I love him, yada yada cheesiness, and I would give him the ring so he can put it on my finger.

I also like all of the ideas with petals and whatnot.

Have you considered giving him a present yourself? And in the card, just write “I DO”.

But definitely let him put it on your finger. Guys love that.

Post # 16
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Iris-

I was so relieved to read your post. This EXACT same thing happened to me. My boyfriend & I had been dating for 3 1/2 years & he knew I didn’t want to get married but still proposed. He didn’t have as an elaborate setting as your fiance did, but neither one of us are romantic or like over the top displays of affection so he did his best considering the circumstances. I told him I would have to think about it and didn’t end up telling him OK until almost a week later. The thing is, my mom even told him that that would happen when he asked her permission & he said he expected me to do that too so it’s not like he was heart broken. What I did was leave him a note with the ring in the box on his nightstand that said “ask me again” & when he did I was a little more prepared.

as for @speechgal44‘s comments & your response-I totally agree it was manipulative, but I know that wasn’t his intention. I knew he had been wanting to get married for a long time but I’m the kind of person who needs to be pushed into big decisions or else i’ll never make them. & I am so with you with how scary it is. The thing is, we ended up getting married like, 10 days later (he’s in the military & was leaving so it was just a court house thing & only my mom was there) & it wasn’t scary at all! I always knew we’d always be together so it really didn’t change how I felt or anything. The thing that still terrifies me though is the actual WEDDING. Ugh, don’t even get me started.

ANYWAYS- I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone! It was like reading my own thoughts & feelings when I read this- thank you so much! I hope everything goes well for you!

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