- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
First of all, I need to tell all of you wonderful ladies thank you for all the texts, pm’s, and FB pm’s and I need to apologize for not responding, I was not in a great place and was almost to the point of completely shutting down.
Secondly, HBC, you look wonderful in your dress and you are going to make the most beautiful bride on Saturday. ToBe, thank you for all the check ins. I wish I could hug you both, you don’t know how much your messages meant to me and how much I needed to see them.
Here is what I have been dealing with for the last few months, all is back on track and in working together we are going to get there.
Last year, right before our original wedding date, my mans ex wife passed away. We immediately moved his youngest boy into our home and the FH took the next few months off to help his son. We also decided to move the wedding back a year. I have heard that tale of “formal wedding later” that never happened so many times, that I made the FH promise me a wedding. I can’t explain why it was so important to me as it would take WAY too long, it just was. In doing this, we had to use what we had saved for our wedding to live on. The FH promised to put this back into our wedding account as soon as he went back to work. With the exes passing, there were a number of legal issues outstanding that we had to deal with and the ex left the FHs name on a whole lot of debt, which all added up to more than we ever could have imagined. Just keeping up with all of the legal fees was beginning to drown us and kept us from ever putting the wedding money back into the account.
Time had slipped away so fast, that it came down to just a few months before the wedding and there was hardly anything paid for. Work has been slower than usual for the FH, with all the regular bills, legal fees, and wedding costs starting to back log, the FH started to lash out verbally at me and wanted to totally avoid the subject of wedding plans altogether. Instead of talking to me and us working together, he just shut me out and started to make me feel like the wedding was a horrible subject with him and in turn I started some really passive agressive attitudes with him. A vicious cycle had begun.
Finally, time was gone, we were down to the last thirty days and there was still so much to pay for and do. We hadn’t gotten a caterer, no alcohol, mens suits were picked out but not paid for, no alterations have been done, and my veil had not been ordered. There were only two things that were really important to me when I dreamed about my wedding, the food and my veil. I don’t know why the veil was so important but it was. I finally had to break down and go to my dad for help, especially since the FH had essentially shut me off about the wedding. My father was able to get us a great caterer and offered to pay for it, which we accepted but made both of us feel pretty aweful about. I finally had saved enough for my veil, when I went to order, the maker said she could not make it in time. Being the only reputable dealer of silk tulle that I have been able to locate in the states, I was devastated to say the least. And with only four weeks to go, I was finally able to afford the postage for the invitations. They went out so late, that I am praying people come. I am having to have people call me to Rsvp rather than send in cards, def not what I ever imagined, but it was all I could do.
On top of all of the financial issues we were having, my local area is being hit with the most devastating floods that we have seen in more than 50 years. Not only were we helping friends save what they could, but we found out that our wedding/reception venue is in one of the flood zones. With the news about my veil and venue coming in the same day, I just lost it. I spent a whole day in my room crying, it was all falling apart and I didn’t know what to do to fix it. I guess the pressure to fix everything and not being able to also built up on the FH, he absolutely exploded on me verbally and went to his mothers. I didn’t hear from him for a few days.
When the FH finally came home it was time to sit down and work this all out. We both had to admit that we had both handled ourselves horribly and that we needed to work with eachother and not against eachother. In trying to be strong, we made our own weaknesses. We sat down for 6 hours and made revisions for our plans, worked out the whole leaving thing (not going to happen again), and reminded ourselves that we are a force to be reckoned with when we work together. Not all the wedding issues are resolved but we have a plan of attack and the place may still flood but all in all, we are back on the right path. In the end, it is about the two of us and not about the event.
On a HUGE good front, Ann at Glamgal.com was able to get me my veil. She emailed at the eleventh hour and was able to come through for me, she may be the most wonderful woman in the world and went so far above and beyond that I could never thank her enough.
I know that this was hugely long and if you made it this far, Thank You. You women of the Hive have been the biggest part of this whole process that has always brought me joy and I am better for it. Please remember to pray for those along the Mighty Mo who have lost their homes to the river and continue in the unknown of the rivers path.