Anal sex…I just…cannot. HELP!!!!!!

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Haha in all honesty, xanax and wine might not be such a bad idea!!

I had never done it before DH, because like you, the idea just filled me with dread. Finally, DH got me just the right amount of drunk where I was willing to give it a shot. The first trick is to do it with you both lying on your sides — not in ‘doggy style’ position. it is MUCH easier to relax in that position. The second trick is that each and every time you clench, he needs to stop – like, don’t move a muscle – until you can make yourself relax again. Even if that means he needs to stop every .01 seconds. And of course, be gentle and go slow and use oceans of lube and all that.

I survived the first time, and we did it a few more times until I was fine and it didn’t hurt anymore and I could go without clenching at all. But, I also hated the way it felt so that was the end of that. The whole time, I had that feeling like I was about to have diarrhea. Not that I was actually about to have diarrhea, but it made my body feel that way. Not exactly a pleasant experience, and certainly didn’t make me feel sexy! So, no more anal sex for us.

Post # 5
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

I can only put it off for so long!

Dear, you can put it off as long as you want.

First off, your FI needs to SIU. Pressuring you into it is only going to make you more stressed about it, which will make anal sex physically impossible.

Then, if you really feel like you need to do it, you figure out how to make it work. We tried it a few times and it wasn’t so bad, but it takes a lot of patience. Much research prior helped a lot, especially since you feel like you’re going #2. It took months for me to get mentally prepared for that. Look up positions, etc. And be prepared for it not to work the first time.

I didn’t find it pleasurable for myself (I mean I kind of felt turned on by his pleasure, but that’s it). So we decided not to do it again until we’re 60 and bored with our sex lives. If you’re not ready now, remember that you have the rest of your lives to try new things. Given that anal sex is not something you will want regularly, I would focus on trying to improve your current sex life.

Post # 6
Member
3777 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

LOL. I don’t love anal, but I don’t hate it. We only do it maybe once a month, often less. I agree with @iarebridezilla:  that you should use OCEANS of lube. If you think it’s too much, put more. Have your FI start small, inserting fingers before going all the way. I have found missionary to be the most comfortable position, but I would guess it varies and you just have to find what works.

I hate that feeling of having to poo, but it’s really mind over matter, I think. It doesn’t hurt the next day or anything.

Post # 7
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@BurlapnLace:  my FI has no interest interest in this, but friend and her FI are obsessed! She always says to start smart with fingers/toys/plugs before moving on. It may take a while for you to get used to it and interested. And if a small toy after a few sessions is NOT making you happy, then don’t do it. 

Post # 9
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@BurlapnLace:  It actually didn’t really HURT ever — as long as you can stay relaxed, which is why he would need to immediately stop if he felt you clench. It’s only if he tries to keep going when you’re clenched that you’re going to end up with pain. I mean, if your butthole can handle a big poop without being sore later, then clearly it can also handle sex … the difference is that you’re 100% relaxed when you’re pooping.

Some women really like it. Like, REALLY like it. So you never know — maybe you’ll be one of those! You certainly don’t have to do it, but it’s worth a shot. I mean, I’m glad I at least tried it out. Even though I am never doing it again!!!

Post # 11
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t get guy’s obsession with butt sex.  Dh asks for it too, I just say “no. never. Sorry you married the wrong person, go ahead and find yourself a butthole chick.”  So far he has stayed.

It’s ok to tell you FI NO.  You know you also have to stay with him for eternity and if he want to do stuff that makes you uncomfortable then it’s not right either.

Post # 12
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly, if you don’t want to do anal, why should you?  Just tell him flat out “no.”  End of discussion.  If two people consent to doing something out of the ordinary, that is fine and dandy…but please note “two people” and “consenting.”  I don’t think you should have to take drugs and booze just so you can “endure” a sexual act.  Sex between a loving couple is supposed to be anything but “endured.” 

Post # 14
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@BurlapnLace:  I have tried it a few times with my SO, but I don’t like it. i too have promised “Once you propose!” as a joke.. ha! I also tell him that he can do it if I can do it, and then ask if he wants to go pick out a cucumber or something. That usually puts an end to the discussion 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Atalanta:  I LOL’ed at “butthole chick”!

Post # 16
Member
2131 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Luckily, my FI has absolutely no interest in this whatsoever, but if you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. You should never feel pressured to do something that you’re clearly not interested in. Your body is shutting down because mentally and emotionally, this is not something you want. If your FI can’t understand that, he’s an asshole and you shouldn’t be marrying him.

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