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@AlmostVangor: I'm giving all of my bridal party a plus one if they want it (even though some are not dating anyone).
Everyone else gets a plus one only if they are married, engaged, or living together.
We're giving everyone a plus one, but typically it's if:
Does that help? You don't have to stick to these rules exactly, but that's what I've gathered is 'appropriate,' lol.
As far as your friend who has been dating the guy for a year, how does she see their relationship? If she thinks they're serious, I would consider inviting him.
Here was our thought process:
The "and guest" thing is such a hard issue. Even though we had a system, ours were not clear-cut either. I hope I helped at least a little...good luck!
If the person is over 18 they get an "and guest."
Everyone is different. I did this because I know that a few people in my family would bring a guest whether he/she was invited or not. So, in order to avoid a fiasco of finding a seat for dinner for all the unannounced guests, I'm inviting all adults with a guest so that I know I have an exact head count. Also, I don't want people to wonder why one cousin was allowed with a (uninvited) guest while another was not.
People such as my grandma who is widowed will not get a plus one because I know she would see that as odd.
@Gemstone: so true that even with a "system" there are exceptions! lol
yes, this BM friend still uses the wording "we're just friends" to describe the guy that she's "seeing". yes they are intimate now...and I suspect the dude doesn't want to meet her friends b/c he isn't serious about her and feels bad about it. What do I want to avoid in that case? that she's so totally focused on him that she basically goes through the motions of my wedding and the day is done and all she done is chase this guy all day and he ends up being the flavor of the moment. We, however, have been friends since we were 10.
And the groomsmen...yes, if he has a GF I guess we should invite her even if we haven't met her at all then...My FI was in a wedding last year and I wasn't invited to it. And it was a wedding in New Hampshire at this awesome castle-esque resort in the mountains and the brides family had MONEY. So I guess everyone makes up their own rules! but I was offended and I wouldn't want to do that to someone else.
We're only inviting +1s if they're in a long-term relationship...if you just started dating a few months ago, no. There really aren't that many single people on our guest list, though. Most are married, engaged or living together.
we gave a plus one if people were living together, engaged, married, is a sibling of ours or part of the bridal party.
My bf and I were JUST talking about this the other day and agreed that we would never, ever invite any single person alone. A wedding is fun with dancing, drinks, dinner conversation and often it's romantic. I would never want to go alone to any wedding. We would do 'and gues' to everyone. We don't care if they aren't dating anyone - bring your bestie, bring your Mom, whatever. But I don't think sitting around alone (even though people say 'they'll know people' it's not the same) at a wedding is going to be much fun for anyone.... But everyone thinks differently. In our circle of family/friends we've never encountered any kind of invite to someone single that didn't say 'and guest' so WB is actually the first time I've heard of it.
Married and engaged couples are social units and have to be invited together. Some people include live-ins in the must invite category but I do not. I have no animosity towards living together (my husband and I did before we were engaged) but I don't necessarily think it means a couple is more serious than a long-term dating couple that chooses to live apart for whatever reason. So if you include live-ins you should also include serious couples who don't live together.
Obviously, the more inclusive you can be, the better.
ETA: we had VERY few single guests; the few that were got a +1 because we had the space and budget to accommodate them.
@luckyprincess: Couldn't have said it better. And I don't think I ever got an invitation when I was single that didn't come with "and guest."
1. WP members should probably get +1, even if they aren't attached. And if your BM focuses on the guy, it'll completely suck, but that's on her. Don't invite her without a guest just to try and orchestrate her behaving a certain way.
2. Engaged and living together/long-term relationships generally get a +1
That's how I would cut it. If you are on a budget, anyone who doesn't fall into category 1 or 2 doesn't bring a guest.
The other thing is, to offer a different pov to @luckyprincess' comment (and luckyprincess, I'm not necessarily disagreeing with your perspective), it's not the end of the world to go to a wedding single--and some people actually prefer it because they'd rather not go through the song and dance of trying to find a date or attending a wedding with someone they don't know too well. And in the end, if it comes down to your budget and you have to make some cuts, +1s are a courtesy, and not a requirement nor a breach of etiquette to omit (unless you're omitting FIs and such). Those who really are that uncomfortable attending a wedding alone will use their own discretion and decline.
I appreciate that! thank you!
I actually am not oppossed to inviting single ppl without guest..I guess I should have added...I met my future husband in a wedding party and we were both single. Neither of us got "and guest" and look what happened! So I def don't plan on inviting single, unattached ppl who are part of our "network" of friends to scrounge up a guest...I won't allow my parents to pay for that. But def what you all are syaing about the living together/serious relationship- I totally agree. you do NOT have to be living tog to be serious or engaged! Guess i'll have to let her make the call. But I will invite the groomsmen's lady friend either way even though I never met her and nor has my FI. Thank you everyone for helping. I didn't want ppl to come and have no clue I was offending ppl. Opinions help!!!
@JennyW1:+I agree that 1s are a courtesy. I don't a bride is not required to give them to all guests.
But I also think the tendency to give out a lot of +1s may be regional. I grew up in rural Pennsylvania and most weddings I attended gave all single adults a +1. But then again, a lot of those wedding receptions were held in church halls, VFWs, etc., so the cost for some extra guests wasn't that steep.
We invited any boyfriends/girlfriends that guests had been dating for at least a few months. We put all of their names on the invitations. The only person whose invitation said "and guest" was a single woman from my MIL office, who wouldn't know many people at the wedding. She actually chose to invite a friend of MIL, which was fine.
I think it's all about what you want to do! If you can afford to give 'and guest' to all adults, go for it.
we are just doing if you have been dating someone for a longer period of time or they are your fiance or husband or wife. Luckily all of my friends are young and single so hopefully they will all pair up at the wedding!
@Neva: Interesting...I do wonder if it's a regional thing. I'm from CT and ppl are REALLY obnox about certain things. that wedding I mentioned above that I wasn't even invited to...the bride was a real snoot about not inviting me, like she was almost proud that it was "her day" and she could pick and chose who could be there and who coudn't. Let me Clear up that I am not that kind of gal... lol! I'm just trying to keep my mom's cost down b/c we are NOT that kind of Connecticut family! My mom is driving me nuts b/c our list when from 150 to 189. But yeah...maybe it's a regional thing. I've been to a lot of weddings where I didn't get "and guest" even after I had a BF!
Lol - you don't have to give me a disclaimer, I'm probably the least sensitive poster here :P You won't offend me if you disagree, I promise but I think you're even sweeter now for adding it!!
Anyway, I agree that sometimes people feel put out to find a guest when single (although I'm usually my bestie's +1, lol) but the nice thing about always giving them a +1 is that you give them the option of having someone join them that they'd like to share the day with or declining the 'and guest' part and coming by themselves. I would be pretty put out to go to a wedding alone if I didn't really know anyone (or if they all had dates at the table) but I would probably go to the ceremony and reception and leave before dinner - I hate eating alone or making small talk with strangers while eating. But it could be that I'm just a high maintenance bish....:P Either way, we would make sure that any single person (you couldn't possibly know all of your friends/extended families dating situations anyway) would be invited with a guest and then add that into our total budget. One other important note, we wouldn't take money from either of our parents to pay for our wedding, either, so that could make a big difference. When someone else is paying for your wedding then you have that guilt about them paying for extra people or stuff, I think, or at least you have the potential to feel guilty about it I guess.
ETA: I was also going to add that I think it's regional but I always end up mentioning that so I didn't want to say it first, lol
We are inviting anyone who has what they consider a significant other, plus the wedding party gets a guest even if they're single. But if they are definitely single, they don't get to just bring someone from the fun of it. I'm not paying $50 a head for someone's friend.
Anyone 21+ got "& guest". We both have some single cousins, aunts and uncles who are older, and we felt that they should get the option (most of them won't take it), but it was hard to justify my single 30 yr old cousin getting a guest but not my single 25-year old cousin. If we lowered it to 18+, it would've added about 20 more people, which we just couldn't afford.
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Hello Hive!
You guys always seem to know...so I need some help. Where do you draw the line with the "and guest"? My parents are paying for the "per head" seating at the hall (so the meals etc) and my mom has been pressuring me about the number of guests a lot. The number went up significantly. I have a large family and my FI has a very small fam and therefore invited a lot of friends instead.
Where did you guys stop the "and guest" on your list? Did you use the "only if they're engaged of living together?" rule? What if the male guest that's invited is in the bridal party but you've never met his girlfriend? Do you feel obligated to invite her?? This isn't even an issue that's come up, i'm just trying to be proactive I guess. I also have a BM who has been VERY casually dating a guy since last May (2010) and the guy has yet to make an appearance at a social event. We all suspect he isn't serious about dating my friend and she has been assuming she gets a "and guest" b/c she's bridal party but I don't feel I should have my parents pay for a fellow to come to my wedding who i haven't even met yet...Gimmie yor thoughts on all of this?? what did/are you guys doing? Lemme have it!! Thanks as always!