(Closed) “and guest” on fiance’s friend’s wedding invite?!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
46254 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t get bent out of shape about it. Although you are totally correct, I refuse to let other people push my buttons to that extent.

The friend and/or his fiancee are lazy:

either too lazy to educate themselves re invitation etiquette

or too lazy to ensure they know your name,

or too lazy to write it out on the envelope.

Post # 4
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I bet the friend’s fiancée has been bugging the friend for your name for months, and she finally just ran out of time and had to put your invitation in the mail.

These things should not always reflect on the bride.  My Mother-In-Law neglected to even tell me that one of her friends was married, and she only gave me the friend’s individual name.  She casually mentioned the husband in a conversation after I had sent the invitation, and she refused to call the friend to apologize because she didn’t want the husband to attend.  So I sent the friend a note apologizing for the miscommunication and telling her that of course her husband was welcome to attend.  Eek!

Post # 6
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are correct, they should have tried a little harder. But I wouldn’t cut them out of your life entirely, or not attend the wedding over something like this. You could even be funny and address the wedding present to Fi and guest, lol.

Post # 7
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Prehaps they didn’t know your last name? Or they are not sure how to spell it? I get things addressed to olny fi all the time and on the inside it says Fi, and Birdie, or I will get a big mush of the spelling of my last name.

edit: Saw your update. That’s kinda petty, In My Humble Opinion. Then you will be pissed that hes attending a wedding instead of spending your “birthday weekend” with you…. Oye vey.


Post # 8
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I personally think its not worth the energy getting upset over this. Its just a name on a wedding invite.

Post # 9
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Looks to me like FI’s friend knows you exist but doesn’t know you well enough to know your name (seriously–how many of YOUR friend’s BFs/SOs can your own Fiance name, both first and last?)–totally common among the boys. 

My guess is that, as is quite common on the ‘bee, the couple is stressed and planning a million different things and bride asked Fiance to please get me those names and he never did it and so this is the last resort. 

I wouldn’t bother getting offended over it. Calmly and legibly write in your name on the RSVP card and be happy when it shows up on the placecards 🙂

Post # 11
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ersatzpnk:  I reacted the same way when my Fiance got invites last summer…I lost it with anger.. not at him but mad ingeneral. We had been together longer than both couples who were getting married yet the invite said Fi and Guest….as if they had never met me… and I knew them too…I was so mad…but honestly just let it go it is not worth it to bother you all you have is that you know you would never do that

Post # 12
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I wouldn’t make a big deal about this, I think because of the fact you met them only a few times they probably didn’t know your last name, and I also agree the bride was probably nagging for the info and he never gave it to her. I think if it was someone who knew and it was intentional it would be a different story.

Post # 13
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@ElbieKay:  “I bet the friend’s fiancée has been bugging the friend for your name for months, and she finally just ran out of time and had to put your invitation in the mail.”


Rebwana: What’s Tom’s wife name?
Fiance: I don’t know. Do we have to invite her?
R: Yes. Can you please find out?

He eventually found it on FB after I bugged him a couple of times- this was for save the dates. I wouldn’t have held up the invites for it.

(Not implying that they didn’t want to invite you…just trying to demonstrate how men and invites work!)

Post # 16
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ElbieKay:   My Fiance still hasn’t gotten me the 4 addresses he is in charge of.  The STD’s went out a month ago.

Don’t take it personally, wedding planning is stressful.  I got lists with nicknames, people don’t think. That girl has a lot on her plate.  (Can you tell I’m stressed!)

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