Post # 1
Anyone who has read any of my previous posts will know what i have gone through with my sisters to have my dream wedding.
When i got engaged my sister got engaged 8 weeks later. I planned my wedding for July 24, 2010 she planned hers for either two weeks before or after mine (we have tons of OT family so they would have had to choose which one to go to….) We both live away from my parents and i went dress shopping with my FMIL and FSIL and my two sisters. My mom came up one weekend well before the wedding and my sister choose to go dress shopping that week (in previous posts i talk about how we had to squeeze my appointment in another day and my parents didnt get to see the church etc.)
TURNS out my sister has had second thoughts about this guy for THREE YEARS. Two WEEKS after my wedding she leaves him..just ups and leaves him. Our family was devestated and my wedding was swept under the rug…forever forgotten and never mentioned again. I was very supportive of my sister and consoled her and helped her, she stayed at my place, I helped her move and defended her choice left and right.
But now that the dust has settled…im sad…really hurt…and really angry. She ruined my engagement, it became ALL about her (she is daddys little girl) Everyone talked about her wedding (and she didnt even have a date SET), when my parents came for the weekend they stayed with her and went dress shopping, robbing me of my chance to talk wedding stuff with mom (in person), show them the venue and everything else etc. and THEN when my wedding is done she leaves him and everyone is focused on that. Even my dad said “I hate to think this about her but i am beginning to wonder if she did all this to take away your spotlight” (DUH no SHIT!!) oops.
Anywho bees…i guess this is more a vent. Dont get me wrong…i feel awful for my little sis and am supportive of her as she is upset and this wasnt an easy decision to make. I just dont get why she pushed everything so much during my planning when it turns out she was unsure for the last three years. She could have used my wedding as an excuse as to why she wasnt planning etc…but instead she swallowed my happiness whole.
Post # 4
Even if she didn’t do it “on purpose” it’s awful that your parents couldn’t find a way to more equitably balance their attention.
Do you think it would help to talk about those feelings with various members of your family? Not accusing them of having done anything wrong necessarily, but explaining that you feel hurt and forgotten because it seems as though your wedding got lost in the shuffle and drama?
Post # 5
Um, I’m not really sure what to say, but I can say that I saw your wedding video and absolutely ADORED it! It brought tears to my eyes! To me it looked like you had a wonderful day and are really in love with your husband… what about focusing on that? Either way, I’m sure it sucks and it hurts and I’m sorry that she did that to you!
Post # 6
I talked to my dad when he mentioned he thinks she might have done all this (the timing atleast) to take away from me. I told him “I have told you guys this before and you called me a bitch and greedy” he didnt say anything. I told my grandma and she sighed and told me how lovely my wedding was, which is nice. Unfortunatley my other sister is going through some crazy drama right now so i dont want to really start pipping in with the “what about me” stuff.
My DH, just says i needed to focus on the fact that we did have a very beutiful, fun wedding that everyone talks about and i should just leave it at that. I know he is right, but it hurts all the same.
Post # 7
That sucks. There’s no other way to put it. She sounds pretty immature and selfish. Unfortunately it takes some people longer to grow up than others. I’d try to focus on the fact that you are married, which is what is important. And at least she didn’t break up with him the day before your wedding, which would have been worse.
At least your dad can acknowledge what she did, and maybe you can talk to him and other family members more about your feelings to at least feel like you’re not alone.
Post # 8
Eeeek! So thankful I was an only child for most of my life (I have 2 great step-sisters now, but we’re not that close). I just can’t imagine having a sister whose sibling rivalry is so bad that it destroys my happiness to this extreme. I’m sorry you’re feeling so hurt, but it speaks a lot that you’re still willing to support her and love her through everything. *hugs*
Post # 9
Ouch. I’m really sorry. It sounds to me like your Dad just figured out exactly what was going on. I think talking to everybody in a non-confrontational way may help. Or even writing a letter you don’t intend to send.
Post # 11
Awe girl I feel for you! Don’t let it get you down though…that would just let her win even more! The past is the past and guess what?? Now that the dust has settled YOU are the one with a wonderful hubbie and memories of your big day to last you a life time! What does she have to show for it all?? NOTHING!
Be happy 🙂 (if all else fails loose youself in those amazing wedding photos of yours!)
Post # 12
I’m sorry about all the family drama.
You are married now. Concentrate on your life and being part of your own family–not being the dark horse in your old family.
Post # 13
Thanks for all your help ladies and kind words.
Im going to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one and say she pushed everything so hard bc she thought marriage might be the answer to all her doubts and concerns. I say to myself…myabe she woke up the day after mine and DHs wedding and realized that nothing really changes, we are the same people as we were the day before, only we are married…all our quirks still exist. and that scared her and thats why she took off.
Either way though the hesitance was there so she could have laid off while i did my thing.
Im focusing on hubby and i though as much as I can as I am super happy!!! 🙂
Post # 14
the whole situation sucks.
But I agree with what other people & your husband have said, you should probably just look forward to the fact that you’re married — and as a side note, if it’s normal for your sister to behave this way it probably reflects poorly on her (being selfish, immature, etc etc), than it does on your marriage/ the timing etc.
Although, I agree it is really unfortunate that people may have missed their opportunity to celebrate with you because of your sister’s timing/personal issues.
Post # 15
Her timing definitely sucks, but to her credit, she probably said yes to her now-ex when he proposed in part because she was so excited about your wedding and wrapped up in your happy, about-to-marry-my-true-love feelings… But after the excitement died down, she realized that maybe she was in over her head and did not feel for her guy the way you do for yours. You are truly lucky, not only to have a husband who you love and loves you back, but to have a sister that you are good friends with. Sorry to get on a soap box, I had a sister who died when I was 13 and I feel like I’d give anything to have her back, sibling rivalry and all. Be thankful for your loving family!
Post # 16
@missmouse29 I agree!! Thank- you! On a side note though, my sister has been with this guy for 6 years and has been pushing marriage hardcore with him for the past 5, I think after we got engaged (after being with each other for only 2 years) some coals were put under his feet and thats why he proposed so soon after.
@Pomapoo Im so sorry to hear about your sister, and as much as my sister and i scrap like cats and dogs, I know i would miss them to bits if anything ever happened to them. I should keep you close to my heart as a simple reminder of what i shouldnt take for granted! Thank you.