- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
I have written before about how I’m frustrated with My fiance’s job situation and his lack of trying. I think I’ve also written about how he will not say if he is thinking of moving away with me in a few months. Just in case, here is a catch up.
We are in our mid twenties, and have been together for a little over 6 years. He graduated in May, has put in a total of 4 applications and has not had a single interview. I too graudated in May and continued into a master’s degree program. I already have a job placement in the neighboring state (literally an hour away, not far at all) due to start in June of this year. He still has not put in any other applications. I wondered if it was because he was waiting to move with me to look for a new job. I asked him about it one day after the topic of job hunting came up. We ended up in a big fight, as in it was the first time we have EVER had raised voices with each other.
He said that he had been waiting to see where I would end up moving to so he could consider looking for work in that area. I said “That’s fine. I just didn’t know what your thinking was. I didn’t know if you were trying to wait like that, or if you were actually looking for work here. I just want to know what you’re thinking about. We will make it work either way.” Somehow he ended up saying after that “I think it’s easier for you to just pack up and leave and move to another state because you’ve done it before. This is my home, it’s in my blood, I know everyone here and I really don’t ever want to leave.” I was very hurt. I was 10 when my family moved, so it is not like I have ever done this by myself before and he made it sound like he never had the intention of coming with me. Granted, that would be ok, he had just never indicated at all that he did not want to leave our hometown. We ended up getting raised voices and he told me that this “job” of mine was causing problems in our relationship and that it would either “bring us closer or tear us apart” and he said some really mean things to me. I was upset to say the least.
After the argument (and hours and hours of crying on my part… I really thought we wouldn’t be able to get through this) he called and apologized and said that he does not want to lose me, and if moving is what it took then he would do it. But I said… “I didn’t ask you to move, I asked what you were thinking about because I want you to feel included in my decisions about moving.” Anyway, we let it go and were fine. He told me a few days later that his grandfather (his biggest influence and reason for wanting to stay in hometown) told him to move with me. Everything started to work out.
Now today, he said that a friend-of-a-friend is friends with HR people at a big company that FI would like to work for. That friend-of-a-friend said he could help him get on at that company and to stay in touch. This has happened to us before, where someone promises to help FI and FI never ends up following through. The major issue that came up was that the company is over an hour in the opposite direction of where I’ll be moving to. I can live with that if he ends up getting this job, its a great job! However, FI was talking about still living with his parents and commuting to this job over an hour away so he “wouldn’t have to live alone”. He then realized what he said, considering he would be making me live alone if he were to follow that plan. Anyway, I’m frustrated because it feels like he just doesn’t want to leave home.
We will have been together nearly 7 years when I move to the neighboring state. he did not propose until we had been together 5.5 years. I do not want to be together for 10 years and not be married. Nor do I want to make him come with me. I’m just so torn. I want him to finally grow up and come with me and get this thing started, but it feels like he’s finding every reason imaginable to not come with me. Sorry it’s so long, bees. I just need to vent to someone.