Post # 1
We had one of about 9 million (ok bit of an exaggeration 9) meetings with our minister to go through our marriage prep workbook. Yes, you heard me 9! We’re still not done.
Don’t get me wrong -I’m totally for having a look at our relationship, ganing new skills, and what not, but this has honestly been the most useless waste of our time ever. Mostly, the minsiter just points out what the work book says and then gets off topic. I read it -it doesn’t really tell me anything I didn’t already know. It also doesn’t provide me with much info on how to fix issues. Oh, its prepare & enrich btw.
Anyway, so we’re getting to the point where we’re wrapping up & I am antsy to keep going. You see we still have 4 segments to get through -at 1 segment/session this makes me VERY unhappy. We’re SUPER busy. (FI runs his own business, I work for the business, and run a business of my own, plus a part-time job) Its busy season for both of us right now -not pretty. Its also a 45 minute drive to the church.
All off the sudden I just LOOSE IT! I’m getting all snippy with the minister and demand to know when this will be over -she suggests we come back in the fall! OMG NO! I tell her we don’t have the time, our relationship is fine…and to validate that I choose this as the moment to tell FI its my bloddy wedding because he’s done nothing -and he really hasn’t, but does he admit that? NO he tells me I haven’t been communicating with him which isn’t the case at all. OMG This turns into the minister suggesting we go BACK to the section on communication and work through that -UH YEA THAT WILL HELP!
I managed to calm down and retract my crazies and apologize for my outburst. (I’m honestly only half apologetic). This totally isn’t me, but I’m to the point where this whole thing is DRIVING ME CRAZY.
OH…and I didn’t mention. I worked all week on the ceremony to find out we don’t have time today to discuss it. GOOD! But next week…or maybe the minister will just come up with one on her own?! SHE SOMETIMES JUST DECIDES TO DO THAT…AND ALWAYS ADDS A LITTLE SOMETHING TO EACH CEREMONY THAT THE COUPLE DOESN’t KNOW ABOUT! (in case you can’t tell I’m not impressed lol)
OH…and to top it of she kept calling FI BY THE WRONG NAME! …I mean she’s only met us 9 times!
Post # 3
hot damn! i’m sorry that it didn’t go well this time… i guess going with a different minister is out of the question? she seems to just be going through the motions
Post # 4
@kermie: Yikes! This sounds like a nightmare :/ She wasn’t suggesting you postpone until the fall, was she? Sorry your button was hit at a really bad time. * HUGS *
Post # 5
((hugs)) for your frustration…
I could definitely see the issue with not know your names by now…. I mean, what if she says the wrong name during the ceremony?! eek
As for the 9+ weeks.. I think that’s awesome.. busy or not. I mean alot of pastors don’t put nearly that amount of time into a couple and walking through prep with them. Really… Pastors & Ministers are busy people… We had to really push to meet with our Pastor weekly to go through our workbook chapter by chapter (8 wks & we finished the wk before the wedding)… and we serve under him in his ministry.
And.. as for the time… well if you can’t take the time to do it now then how are you going to stay with FH then DH to really make sure you’re staying on the same page a communicating out much BIGGER issues later down the road. Even DH and I understand that if we have an outburst it’s because we’ve let it stew and have NOT been communicating like we need for whatever the strain of the “season” is.
Sorry about being frustrated.. that’s always a stinky feeling to be in. I think that if you would take some time to reflect & get back to enjoying putting the time into your soon to be marriage then you can begin to see the time that ya’ll meet with her to be much more meaningful and fulfilling… Even if she does get off.. and it is just going over the workbook (of things you “already know’) just remind yourself that just like reading the bible over and over and over.. investing into your marriage and revisting things you will ALWAYS benefit from them and just get more validated in your hearts as a couple of the things that are truly foundational & important, yet so often forgotten.
Hopefull you and your FI can find some common ground on the weight of the planning and get back into sync with you minister…. You still have time.. & when you give things to God it never seems to take as long for Him to work things out as we thought it would in the first place. 😉
Post # 6
@runsyellowlites: I think you misunderstood a little. I have no problems in my relationship with FI that I am concerned about. We actually work together great and talk about things often. We’re really fortunate to be such a great team.
Our minister is a sweet lady and her intentions are good. The prepare and enrich program is supposedly very good, but not the way she is doing it. We’re not spending valuable time going through things with her -talking, discussing, learning. We just show up to listen to her ramble about things that may or may not be related. I’ve tried to bring up issues to get her imput on and she’ll just refer back to a previous (and likely unrelated page in the workbook). It really is quite a waste of time.
Post # 7
@kermie: I obviously don’t know you or your relationship but I would tend to agree that if you had an outburst about your FI not helping and he thinks you don’t communicate there is something that needs to be addressed. Though it does suck that your minster is not helping with anything! We haven’t done our pre-marriage stuff yet but we will be soon, hopefully we can actually learn things through it.
Post # 8
@chasesgirl: I don’t think either of us really feel that way. That’s the thing -I just lost it, said things I didn’t feel, and that was his reposne. We’ve talked about it tons since we’ve gotten home and he thinks I’ve been great. Granted I’ve done most of the planning, but he’s really good at doing things as I’ve asked. I would love it if he’d be more proactive, but its pretty unrealistic for me to expect him to think about things like card boxes, seating charts because he just won’t go there.
We’re both pretty fed up with our minister. She’s so off track, but there’s not really any going back now.
Post # 9
@kermie That’s understandable. I’ve met with and even counseled people that just want to keep getting off track. A great thing that I always remind myself is God is so great and is always a 2-fold/more-fold God and that even if your Minister is getting off track, and what you “went there for” isn’t accomplished, there is STILL something that He’s trying to show and teach you and your FI and it IS something that you’ll benefit from and will need at some point down the road.
Maybe you and your FI might want to try praying together before going in…. Just giving that time to God and asking that your eyes, ears, and hearts be open and receptive to whatever it is He has for you. AND that the entire time would be orderly, just as He is a God of order, and that His spirit would lead the time and that it would not be wasted… that there would be no confusion or idolness… <– think that covers your Minister’s rambling and hopefully get some productivity going for ya’ll. 😉
Try and not get frustrated with hearing the things that you already know… DH and I did our just b/c it was manditory and our Pastor told us first meeting that “if this was going down tomorrow I’d be confident in you two”… still though… as much as we already knew and were already well practiced in… reaffirming those things is ALWAYS something that we can take heart in and find joy in =)
Goodluck and hope that your time with her gets better… if for no other reason then not wanting that junk toward the person that’s marrying you two and going to be part of that memory the rest of your lives 😉
Post # 10
@kermie: Oh sweetie, we’ve all have been or will have been there, wedding stress meltdowns are no fun. Glad you worked it out with FI. Hang in there, only a few more months to go 🙂