and then it was the end…Need support

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Short answer. No, he is not going to change… I am sorry but it sounds like your husband doesn’t love you in the way you love him. You aren’t happy and you deserve better. 

Post # 4
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m so sorry, this must be terrible for you. No, I don’t think he’s going to change. Do you think your old job would take you back?

Post # 5
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Elisemac:  I’m sorry this has happened to you, but you need to cut your losses and move on with your life.  He sounds like a horrible person, and even IF he ever changes (which he won’t), you will still remember this time where he was a complete a*shole to you.

How can you still love a person who says they dread it when you come home from work, and who wants to divorce you?

You deserve SO MUCH BETTER!

Good luck. xo

Post # 6
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

No, it’s not likely that he’ll change.

Even if you’re left with nothing if you leave him, you won’t be with him — and that’s great.

If you leave him you’ll be able to rebuild your life and do what’s best for you.

If you stay with him, things will stay how they are now or get worse. 

You know what the right choice is. Put your feelings for him aside and do what your gut is telling you to do: get out of the relationship. You’ll be better off without him.

Post # 7
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

THis is very depressing. How can you love someone who treats you like this? It’s over. LEAVE him. Move back to your old town or back home to your country. You will get over him and will be sad you wasted five minutes trying to win his affection when he’s done nothing to deserve yours.

We will support you in the meantime! You deserve so much better. 🙁

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry you’re in this terrible situation–But it’s time to cut and run!

Post # 9
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I believe you’re actually at an advantage here with family in another country.  If you leave him, I would either look for a job in my home country, or at least have an extended visit.

A change of scenery as far away from him as possible sounds like the best thing for you to clear your mind right now. 

Post # 10
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Elisemac:  you are not left with nothing, you are left your dignity! I would never allow a man to treat me this way! Please find the courage to leave him.  It’s never too late to start over. Go back to the job you love, move back to the friends you left before. You CAN DO IT! 

Post # 11
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Elisemac:  No. Why do you love someone who makes you feel like sh*t? Take charge of your own life and move on from this loser.

Post # 12
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Honey, he doesn’t love you. You can’t MAKE someone love you…. but you can love yourself.  Love yourself enough to leave.   

Post # 13
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Elisemac:  No ma’am, you are not left with nothing if you leave this guy. He doesn’t define you, and the choices you made in the past don’t define you. What counts is what you do from this moment on.

Don’t give this guy any more of yourself. Happiness is out there, and you CAN find it. But it won’t be by staying where you are

I am so sorry it’s gotten to this point, but you DO have the power to make a change. Best of luck to you.

Post # 14
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry hun but this guy is nothing but bad! When you leave him, you are left with your health, sanity, and mind, and it sounds like you will be successful no matter where you go. He is a momma’s boy who is dragging you down!

Post # 15
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Elisemac: “Is he ever going to change and see the loving and caring person I am?”


NO.  


He is emotionally and verbally abusive to you.  That is never going to change.  


Please find the strength to leave him.   Contact your old job to see if you can return, try to get into a new job that you love.  Meet new people, get out and do fun things, or return to your family for a recharge.   You don’t loose anything by leaving him, instead you gain a whole wonderful happy world and life for yourself. 

*hugs*

Post # 16
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

You must leave and soon.  If you go it will be hard but you will have your self respect and you will have hope.  If you stay with this bully you won’t have either of them.  

You need to think about practicalities – lawyer for advice, escape plan, freezing your joint bank account so that he can’t take all the money out and hunting for a place where you might live.

I don’t think this man has turned into a monster.  It’s likely he was a monster all along and hid it under a cleverly constructed veneer of charm until he married you and felt secure enough to show you his meaner side.

What you say about him is very worrying. So, he tells you that you are not good but only when the therapist isn’t there.  This is a sign that he is an emotional abuser.  He has taken you away from a good job, your friends and your family.  This is  because it puts bim in a better position to bully and control you.  He is a coward so he likes to say horrible things to your face in private rather than in public because he knows other people would be shocked and appalled at his behaviour. 

Does he know that you are a loving and caring person? Does he see your pain?  Of course he does.  Is he a loving and caring person? Is he trying to make you happy?  Not at all.

Sweetie, you need to make plans.  You need to be safe and you need to get away from him.  Do your have friends where you used to live who you could stay with?  Could you quietly build up a store of cash for travel?  Could a member of your family come across to America and see you and help you move out?

No one deserves to be treated like this.  You are the one who is right.  He is the one who is wrong.  You are the one  honouring the marriage.  He is the one dishonouring the marriage.  He does not deserve someone as wonderful as you.

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