Post # 1
My dad announced his engagement on Facebook, and we dealt with that, he basically insisted I already knew.
Then, Saturday evening, I recieved his text that he and his fiance were married. His text read “(Her name) and I got married yesterday :)”. They both told me not a week before that I would be invited. I don’t know what changed, I don’t know who was invited, I don’t know if her teenage son that lives with them was there, or anything, really. What I do know is that I am unbelievably upset that I wasn’t invited, (they live only 3 hours away, I could’ve made the day trip), and that I found out about it in a six word text, like any other asshole.
I knew they were going to elope, but I really understood it was going to be a planned elopement, as, again, both my father and his new wife both assured me I’d be invited. Even if they decided to elope, you can’t just “go to the courthouse” where we live, because you have to book a marriage commissioner or arrange for a member of the clergy to wed you.
So here’s the deal: what do I say and how do I respond? I still want a relationship with my dad, but all I can think to do is respond passive-aggressivly “well, enjoy your new family” or something mean like that. That’s why I haven’t responded. I don’t want to be a jerk.
Any parents out there with grown children who have eloped? Any advice would be appreciated.
Post # 3
My husband had a similar thing with his dad. We found out he was engaged because he sent DH an email with a picture of a hand with a ring-no explanation at all. Then for the wedding, they were planning to go to the courthouse and my DH said fine, let me know and ill be there. Well they “uninvited” him and told him not to bother coming to the ceremony, and they would just have a little reception/housewarming later. So weird!!
Anyway- I don’t have any advice- just wanted to say you aren’t alone!
Post # 4
candykristina: Its been a few days since he texted you and you have given no response. He probably suspects that you arern’t too happy. I would say congratulations and tell him you didnt respond sooner because you were so surprised. If it really bothers you you could always inquire why and keep it friendly. They could have just decided to elope alone as many people do this.
Post # 5
I would just say Congratulations…I wish I could have been there!
Post # 6
candykristina: Wish him Congratulations. If you feel the need to let him know how it made you feel, please do so. Maybe he didn’t think you’d be hurt.
Post # 7
candykristina: sounds like something my dad would do! He’s had a girlfriend for two years that I haven’t even met yet who apparently is coming to my wedding in three weeks (my dad lives fifteen minutes away so there’s no excuse that I haven’t met her yet he just keeps her a secret).
my response would be “I wish I could have been there to celebrate with you. Congratulations” It’s not rude but he will get the picture you’re not too happy.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm
My parents (mother and step-father) didn’t tell a single member of their family, brothers, sisters, nothing when they got married. Just picked us up from elementary school and went to the JP. I think you need to just suck it up and get over it. Not everyone wants people there or even people to know. It wasn’t your wedding, so you really don’t get a voice unless asked.
Post # 9
Wow, tough and I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t be able to keep my emotions intact so probably would have called immediatelyand asked why I wasn’t invited. I’m no help 🙁
Post # 10
I would just respond with something alone the lines of “Congradulations. I wish you had told me I was uninvited, though”.
Post # 11
candykristina: I don’t know if it matters, but where we live you can book a marriage commissioner for the same day so long as their schedule allows it. My mother got re-married at the courthouse and didn’t tell anyone until a week or two later. Just sat all us kids down and was all “SO Stepdad & I got married at the courthouse….” long pause where all us kids have no idea what to say…. “A week ago….” I was very upset about it at the time, but now that I’ve had my own wedding I fully understand why she did it- it was cheaper, quicker, easier, and way less drama than a full on wedding would have been. I would just send them a card with a congratulations and some flowers or something small if your feeling generous.
Really, it’s their decision to make, and while they did lead you on and then change their minds is it really worth harming your relationship over?
Post # 12
You send a simple message back that just says “Congratulations on your marriage”. Any discussions about hurt feelings over not being invited should be dealt with in a face to face conversation with your dad. Ideally not in front of his new wife.
Post # 13
candykristina: Eloping itself isn’t the problem, it’s going back on their word. If they said they were going to invite you, then you can and should call them out on it.
I would reply along the lines of, “Congratulations – but you told me I was invited. I wish you’d told me because I would have loved to be there”. EDIT: And I’d do it by phone, not by text.
Post # 14
If you want a relationship with him in the future just say something like” Congratulations!! We’ll have to celebrate the next time we get together!”
It’s their wedding, they had every right to have it the way they wanted it. Let it go.
Post # 15
“That’s nice… Where’s my invitation?”