(Closed) and then somtimes I wonder, “really?”

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We all get irritated with our SO’s from time to time, but if you’re seriously questioning whether or not you can live with his behavior for the rest of your life, I think you might want to reconsider looking at engagement. Well, I guess you already kind of are reconsidering it. I’ve always been in the camp of “it just shouldn’t be that difficult”… when it comes to relationships, especially in their early stages (before marriage included). It just kinda sounds like you’re not super in love with this guy. Or have you slipped into the bitter-because-he-won’t-commit phase, and are starting to resent him because of it, perhaps? Either way, I don’t know that I’d be rushing into engagement at this point. There are either some things to be worked out, or some bags that need to be packed, IMO. Not that anything he’s done has been so horrible from what you said, it’s just that you don’t exactly seem to be loving your relationship situation as is.

Bottom line = Don’t buy the gallon if you don’t like the paint chip. Hah! I invented a new saying, like it? Can you tell I have home improvement on the brain today? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 5
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I agree with the previous poster. I know these are little things, but you’ve really got to consider if you want to be with this for the rest of your life. On the opposite end of the spectrum- he may not enjoy being nagged so it could lead to issues down the road (my ex constantly nagged me- he thought he was “helping”). People are who they are, nagging typically doesn’t help change behavior ๐Ÿ™‚

  I’m guessing youre tired and frustrated so get some sleep and invest in a king sized bed in the morning ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

My boss has been married for over 35 years and she gave me the best relationship advice I’ve ever received.  She told me to always remember that most things just don’t matter.  Instead of getting angry, annoyed or nagging, step away for a minute, take a breath and let it go.  I promise you that a hour later you won’t even remember it.  However, if there are things that do matter and that are still bothering you a hour later, then those are serious issues that need to be address and are often deal breakers.

 

Post # 7
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I hope things begin to look up. I don’t have any advice because my SO does things that irritate me also, like wet towels in the hamper. ๐Ÿ™ He gets sort of testy with all the working he has been having to and it’s been rough, but we are working through it.

Don’t buy the gallon if you don’t like the paint chip. I like that, littlemissmango!LOL

Post # 8
Member
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Meowkers: great advice! The puke thing won’t matter after a good night’s sleep.

@maureen9004: and I agree, stop the nagging for awhile, it doesn’t feel good to be a nag.  And he probably hates it.

Maybe engagement isn’t right and you shouldn’t “buy the gallon”.  However, it’s hard to reallly SEE that through the bickering, nagging, etc. I’d say take care of yourself, be as cheerful and loving as you can genuinely be, STOP NAGGING, and see how your relationship looks after that.  See if those feelings about knowing he’s the one come back.

And if not, you have a lot to think about. Maybe you are in the ‘bitter-becuase-he-won’t-commit’ phase and that is clouding your judgement.

Post # 9
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

The other thing that helps me deal with my FI’s annoying habits is getting away for a while. I have to travel for business (usually only during the summers, thank goodness) and when I leave for a 3 day trip, it always feels so good to come home to him, no matter how much he was annoying me before I left! I think for me, it just gets to be spending too much time together/seeing each other too much. Leaving for a while makes me appreciate the time we spend together when I come back.

Could you take weekend trip with some gal pals, or visit family or something for a few days to get a break?

Post # 10
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It’s normal to get annoyed when you live together.  You are human.  The best marriage advice I ever received was that after the twinkling stars in your eyes fade, you see the real person, and the little things he does get on your nerves, remember why you fell in love.  Hubs annoys me all the time, but I annoy him too!  We love each other so much and even though there are things we each do that we don’t like, they are so trivial. 

If you are having serious doubts and not just the occasional annoyance, then it might be a good idea to re-examine your relationship and decide if you want to pursue it for the long haul.  It doesn’t matter who you marry though, they will annoy you from time to time.

Post # 12
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I can offer you no advice…but I must say, my FI chews/sucks on his fingers or bites his nails and it drives me INSANE.    It’s so disgusting.  I don’t thnk he even realizes that he’s doing it until I point it out.   He goes into a finger-chewing/sucking trance.  YUCK.  It’s been going on for so long that I gave up trying to break that habit…..unless we’re around my family.  I don’t make my parents watch him give his fingers blow jobs at the dinner table.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ask yourself one simple question: Does the good outweigh the bad?  If so, then you have to just put up with the b/s some of the time.  I am embarrassed to admit that I am the one my husband puts up with, not the other way around.

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