Angry husband

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

Sounds like you both have some major, major issues working against you right now. His unwillingness to “meet you in the middle”, his anger and unwillingness to be supportive and your need to feel complete and total validation from him is making both of you feel as though the other one isn’t quite “getting” the other. I would really encourage you to bring this up in counseling together.

I would continue the couples therapy and maybe even pursue some one on one therapy sessions, he as well. His outbursts and being unsupportive are not ok, but getting “insecure” because someone watches Mad Men without you isn’t ok, either. You both have some maturing to do and to work on compromising within the relationship. His outbursts need to be addressed, ASAP.

Post # 4
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

nancyclarissa:  if you’re truly as scared and terrified of him as you come across in your OP, and you’re also already in individual counseling, maybe this isn’t the best fit for you relationship wise. If you really, really value X, and he really, really values Y… you either learn to compromise or someone gets left feeling let down/taken advantage of. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Mrs_Amanda.
Post # 5
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

nancyclarissa:  Your husband seems COMPLETELY checked out of your relationship!  How is counseling going?  I’m surprised he’s willing to go considering how unwillling he is to do anything else that he used to do with you.  I do think you getting “jealous” and “insecure” about him watching Mad Men without you is a bit much, that should be annoying and nothing more.  Sounds like you two are just too different to come together.

Post # 6
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

nancyclarissa: I’m sorry you’re going through this…was your husband always this way or is this a recent change after marriage?

I think you both have issues that need to be resolved through counseling and communication.

– Him – He doesn’t sound very respectful of you and your feelings, if he talks to you in exactly the manner that you’re describing here. There are nicer ways to say that he can’t change his plans, for example. He also needs to deal with his anger and not take things out on you. I would be upset too if my FI treated me that way and invalidate your feelings in the process.

– You – You can’t expect him to fill the void of your emotional needs/problems regarding other people. It sucks that your dad hasn’t been honest with you but what does your husband have to do with it? Also it seems like you’re more of a homebody, which is fine, but you guys have to compromise. I agree that it sounds like you need more quality time together but not everyone wants to just stay home on Sunday night. You also sound clingy, which may be causing him to lash out even more.

I hope you guys can work through your issues! You didn’t mention this in your post but maybe you need some good girlfriends who you can talk to about everything and spend time with when your husband is out with his friends.

 

Post # 7
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

nancyclarissa:  your husband seems to have some anger issues… no matter how angry he gets, constantly yelling at you to the point where you’re scared to approach him is not ok. As a start, I would begin to walk away the second he raises his voice. Do not argue back or stand there and take it – he needs to understand that you will not tolerate being spoken to that way, and if he wants you to listen, he needs to calm down and speak normally.

Post # 10
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

nancyclarissa:  I am really sorry to hear how he is treating you 🙁 I would be VERY upset if my partner was doing that to me. It’s the first year of marriage and he can’t even be bothered spending time with you – what will it be like in 5 years or 10 years? I really hope counselling helps your marriage 🙁 Best of luck. 

Post # 11
Member
5279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

I’m sorry you are going through this.  I agree he seems to have checked out of your relationship.  In addition to couples therapy, he needs professional help with his anger issues and you to not become codependent of him.  Your marriage is too young to have the type of issues you’re having and I can perceive how you are struggling to help you both, but if he doesn’t want to cooperate you will end up drained and exhausted, on top of already feeling abandoned and insecure.  He must agree to get help and compromise in working on your issues as a couple and as individuals for you two to have a shot.  If he doesn’t agree to it, then you really need to decide if this is where you want to be.  No one deserves to feel miserable in a marriage,  being fearful of talking to the very person that is supposed to make you feel loved and secure.  Hugs.

Post # 12
Member
4904 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

The fact that you’re afraid of him concerns me the most.  Does your individual therapist know this?  

Post # 14
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t know if your fear is justified but it very well could be. I just wanted to point out to you that you have, lying in your lap, a wonderful weekend away together planned. Time together, just the two of you will surely happen during that weekend. How do you think he will feel if you turn around and say you don’t want to go, that you don’t want to do the thing you have been bugging him to do (spend time together)? 

You now have a whole extra day without plans because you are seeing your friend the first night, make the most of it! Use this time to reconnect, talk about your own wedding and how great it was. I hope that things get better for you and soon! Hopefully this is just a rough patch and you two are trying to figure out what you want and when you want it and how to get it even if the other isn’t on the same page. 

Post # 15
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Can I ask how old you and your husband are?

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