Angry Waiting Day >:(

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

So what’s the holdup?

Post # 4
6982 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

have you talked to him about it?

Post # 5
9930 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@westcoast_girl:  FH and I have been together 9 years, my ring was my 30th birthday present at the 8.5 year mark.  I was getting pretty ticked by then and if I hadn’t got it I probably would have lost it.

Is there a reason he’s given you for not being engaged?  Have you talked about it?

Post # 6
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@westcoast_girl:  10 years is a long old are you two?

Have you talked to him about this and made it clear that marriage is what you want in life?

Post # 9
451 posts
Helper bee

@westcoast_girl:  Oh the excuses they have.  What does the cost of the wedding have to do with asking for your hand? Especially if you want a long engagement to save. If you agreed to a restaurant wedding would he propose the next day?

I’m in sales. When customers don’t want you to know the real reason they don’t want to buy (because you can logically answer that question) they give bogus objections. It’s called a Smokescreen. If I could figure out how to penetrate my SO’s smokescreen we would aready be engaged (or over). 

Sometimes I think they don’t even know the “real” reason why they’re stalling. 

Post # 10
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@westcoast_girl:  See, I’m not sure based on what you’ve posted that he wants to get married.  10 years is a long time for excuses.  If a guy wants to marry you . . . he’ll marry you.  Actions speak louder than words.

Post # 11
1360 posts
Bumble bee

@westcoast_girl:  My SO said something similar, and I don’t think it’s just an excuse. He was scared of a big expensive wedding, partially because we don’t have much money and partially because he hates big events with lots of people. Have you told him that you are open to compromising for the wedding? Shortly after I told my SO that I’m open to a small, intimate wedding, he said we’d be engaged by March and started looking at rings etc. 🙂

Maybe you don’t want an intimate restaurant wedding, but you must be willing to compromise if that is indeed the hold-up. Stop getting annoyed and just talk to him. 

Post # 12
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@arathella:  +1

@westcoast_girl:  OP….I think the question here is do you want to be married or have a wedding?  I would be 100% willing to have a small, intimate resturant wedding if meant us being married tomorrow!  As long as we have pictures, that’s good enough for me!

It’s funny because I’m all for going to the courthouse…but SO is the one who wants a wedding lol.  And now we are saving for it. 

Good Luck!

Post # 13
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@westcoast_girl:  Why not ask him about it? You don’t have to make it a big deal, just say “So, I’d like to know – will we be engaged by our 10th anniversary? Because that is an important deadline for me. A simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer is fine.” and listen to what he says. If the answer is ‘yes’, you know to drop the subject. If the answer is ‘no’, you have a jumping point to ask why and what his timeline is. If he avoids the question, say “I don’t need to know details, but I do need to know roughly what you have in mind so I can stop stressing about this. Can you just tell me ‘yes’ or ‘no’?”

(If the answer is “I don’t know” then unfortunately, you have bigger problems…)

As half of this partnership you deserve to have some idea of what he is thinking. It is not cool for him to keep leading you on with no end in sight.

Post # 14
1178 posts
Bumble bee

@oneofthesethings:  I agree. They can say it over and over again but if they don’t really do anything….well who knows then?! Happy birthday though OP!

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