Post # 1
*sigh* I just realized that this coming summer will be me and my SO’s 10 year anniversary…and Im still waiting. Everytime we have a trip, I think “This may be it” and then of course it never happens.
Well tomorrow’s my birthday and I can’t stop hoping that it will be the day. He asked me “What do you want for your bday?” and I just answered “Nothing” because I’ve done the whole “Youuuu know what I want *wink*” a few years in a row… :[
We have a cruise coming up in January and it might come then (probably more likely than my bday tomorrow) but what is it doesn’t? I’m seriously starting to get ticked off. I just can’t let it hit 10 years. He loves me so much treats me amazingly…but it’s just becoming embarassing now, you know?
Sorry, just had to rant!
Post # 4
have you talked to him about it?
Post # 5
@westcoast_girl: FH and I have been together 9 years, my ring was my 30th birthday present at the 8.5 year mark. I was getting pretty ticked by then and if I hadn’t got it I probably would have lost it.
Is there a reason he’s given you for not being engaged? Have you talked about it?
Post # 6
@westcoast_girl: 10 years is a long time..how old are you two?
Have you talked to him about this and made it clear that marriage is what you want in life?
Post # 7
We’ve talked about marriage lots and he’s definitely on board, and wants kids one day, but we would have a long engagement. I don’t want the wedding right now, because I’d like lots of time to plan.
I just want us to take that next step. I’ve told him so many times how much it means to me and he keeps saying “It will come” but with every passing year I just get more and more angry. Now it’s like, not even romantic anymore…he’s killing the excitement out of it.
Post # 8
I’m 27 tomorrow and he is 30. Oh yes, he knows. And he wants to get married too, but just isnt in any hurry. He says he wants to get married, but thinks spending that much on 1 day is stupid. He wants a restaurant wedding..and though they are very nice, I do want something a bit more “wedding-ish”… but I’m not the type to spend a huge chunk and put us in debt. Im the DIY type and frugal. He just keeps putting words in my mouth by saying our wedding is going to be expensive.
Post # 9
@westcoast_girl: Oh the excuses they have. What does the cost of the wedding have to do with asking for your hand? Especially if you want a long engagement to save. If you agreed to a restaurant wedding would he propose the next day?
I’m in sales. When customers don’t want you to know the real reason they don’t want to buy (because you can logically answer that question) they give bogus objections. It’s called a Smokescreen. If I could figure out how to penetrate my SO’s smokescreen we would aready be engaged (or over).
Sometimes I think they don’t even know the “real” reason why they’re stalling.
Post # 10
@westcoast_girl: See, I’m not sure based on what you’ve posted that he wants to get married. 10 years is a long time for excuses. If a guy wants to marry you . . . he’ll marry you. Actions speak louder than words.
Post # 11
@westcoast_girl: My SO said something similar, and I don’t think it’s just an excuse. He was scared of a big expensive wedding, partially because we don’t have much money and partially because he hates big events with lots of people. Have you told him that you are open to compromising for the wedding? Shortly after I told my SO that I’m open to a small, intimate wedding, he said we’d be engaged by March and started looking at rings etc. 🙂
Maybe you don’t want an intimate restaurant wedding, but you must be willing to compromise if that is indeed the hold-up. Stop getting annoyed and just talk to him.
Post # 12
@westcoast_girl: OP….I think the question here is do you want to be married or have a wedding? I would be 100% willing to have a small, intimate resturant wedding if meant us being married tomorrow! As long as we have pictures, that’s good enough for me!
It’s funny because I’m all for going to the courthouse…but SO is the one who wants a wedding lol. And now we are saving for it.
Post # 13
@westcoast_girl: Why not ask him about it? You don’t have to make it a big deal, just say “So, I’d like to know – will we be engaged by our 10th anniversary? Because that is an important deadline for me. A simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer is fine.” and listen to what he says. If the answer is ‘yes’, you know to drop the subject. If the answer is ‘no’, you have a jumping point to ask why and what his timeline is. If he avoids the question, say “I don’t need to know details, but I do need to know roughly what you have in mind so I can stop stressing about this. Can you just tell me ‘yes’ or ‘no’?”
(If the answer is “I don’t know” then unfortunately, you have bigger problems…)
As half of this partnership you deserve to have some idea of what he is thinking. It is not cool for him to keep leading you on with no end in sight.
Post # 14
@oneofthesethings: I agree. They can say it over and over again but if they don’t really do anything….well who knows then?! Happy birthday though OP!
Post # 15
I should ask him tonight “How can I penetrate your smokescreen?” and see what he says haha.
I don’t think he’s scared of marriage…and he’s European, so it’s in his traditions…but I don’t think he sees the problem of waiting…he doesn’t seem to be in any hurry. Evidently, since it’s been almost a decade! Sometimes he’ll come home and say things like “How’s my wife doing?” and chuckle…or “Are you going to spend the rest of your life with me?” in an affectionate tone.. but then, what’s the hold up!
I see in lots of posts that men have the rings and the proposal ready, but wait until the right time….could me months!!! I’ll never understand that
Post # 16
I did ask for a deadline…and he said “Before this summer” … That seems like an eternity to me, on top of what already seems like an eternity of waiting. I just hope he sticks to his word…because it would suck to wait almost another year and be in the same spot.