Post # 1
Let me start off by saying that I love my fiance. I also love my cat. Sadly, my fiance loves me, but doesn’t like my cat, at all! I moved in with FI a little over a year ago and my cat came with me. She was used to being an indoor kitty and sleeping in bed with me every night. Our compromise was that she would stay in the screened in back porch area and come inside the house for 2-5 hours everyday. This really tug at my heartstrings because she was so used to being inside with me. However, she seems to have adjusted as best as can be expected, but I do find that she will meow at the door at least 3X a day for 5-10 min intervals. I’m sad and I don’t know what to do. She also can’t get on the furniture except for the kitchen chairs. This was an adjustment for her too since she was so used to running and jumping on everything. Anyone other animal lovers out there marrying someone who doesn’t care for animals?
Post # 3
Does he just not like the cat or is it something specific, like cleaning up after her b/c of fur or whatever? Is he allergic?
Post # 4
Frankly there would be no compromising with my pets to the point i’d put them outside. I have two 100% indoor extra fuzzy kitties. They still sleep in our bedroom but prefer not to share a bed with DH. DH was adamant about how much he HATES cats…now he’s used to them because they leave him alone unless they want some attention and he doesn’t mind petting them.
But the idea of keeping your kitty in a screened in area for all but 2-5 hours a day sounds so sad–your kitty loves YOU and wants to be around YOU. Just a few hours a day is so lonely for kitty. How does this affect your FI aside from the sleeping arrangements?
I have a chair in my living room that is “kitty’s chair”. Also i put a blanket over the back of a couch where one of them likes to sit. Those are really the only furniture issues we have–if one of them is sitting in our spot, we just move them.
Unless your cat is vehemently attacking him, scratching him, and freaking out on him, my personal opinion as a cat lover is that he needs to get the eff over it and deal.
Post # 5
Oh man. That stinks. When I met my now husband, I had a dog and I was like…we’re a package deal. Love us both, accept us both or it’s not gonna happen. I did this because the guy I dated before my husband took quite some time to warm up to my dog. And I wasn’t down with that.
I don’t think that’s fair to your cat. Will he budge at all?
Post # 6
That would not fly with me personally. Love me, love my cats. We’re one unit. Is there a reason why he doesn’t like cats? Has he just not had much exposure to them growing up, allergies, bad experience?
Post # 7
@ejs4y8: Agreed! If the cat’s not attacking him he needs to get over it. The cat doesn’t have to sleep on the bed, but shouldn’t have to be out in the cold alone all day!
Post # 8
He just doesn’t like cats. It’s not that he is allergic, he just doesn’t like them. Really it stems from the fact that his mother has an irrational fear of cats. He grew up not liking them because of her. Now that he is an adult, it’s hard to change old habits. I think he could budge, but I don’t think he wants to budge.
FI and FMIL came home with me to visit my parents for Thanksgiving and my parents have a cat as well. She got squimish and started saying OMG get the cat away from me. The cat wasn’t doing anything but walking beside her chair.
I think 2-5 hrs. a day makes for a lonely little kitty too. BTW she really does like it in her “room”. I’ve set it up like a luxury cat hotel and I often peek out there to see her playing. However, I still feel bad that she’s not with me. I would feel differently if she could run and play outside, but I dont let her go outside because I don’t feel like it’s safe. This is why I’m looking for advice. I’m wondering if there have been other people who’ve been in my shoes and what they did when the FI didn’t take to their animal very well.
Post # 9
@tseay: my fiance was against having a cat because he didn’t like them either. I said that I would do all the work (feeding, litterbox, vacuuming up the cat fur weekly, etc) and he could just ignore her. He LOVES her now. Sometimes I come home and I see them playing on the floor together, and she often prefers sitting on his lap. It might take some time, but as long as you have a nice cat, I’m sure he’ll come around. Good luck!
Post # 10
At times, I think DH married me for my dogs.
He was the only guy I dated who didn’t just say he loved dogs, he lived up to it. Guys would claim to be dog people, then whine when my big people lovers got hair on them.
Early on, DH brought old clothes to my house & left them there for when he came to see me. He would change out of his go-to-dinner clothes just so he could play with the dogs & have a grand time. That pretty much sealed the deal for me.
I couldn’t be with a man who didn’t not only tolerate, but love & appreciate my dogs.
DH actually went on & on about them to his family at our wedding reception. He takes great care of them & they adore their “daddy”.
Post # 11
Sorry but that is a #1 dealbreaker for me. You love me, you love my pets, period. Now.. if I was with a guy who was allergic or for some reason hated pets I guess at MOST i could see myeslf agreeing to not get any more (maybe. big maybe). But existing pets? no way I would keep them locked up.
Post # 12
You need to talk to him. He needs to compromise b/c he’s being unreasonable. Maybe close your bedroom door to keep her from going in there; that’s what I do with our bedrooms. I would not be happy with a man that didn’t accept my animals. I know that sounds harsh but I love my cats too much. Thankfully, my Fi is a cat person (he’s terrified of dogs so I’ll oblige him in not getting a dog). Your cat should be able to get on the furniture. Why does he dislike it? Her fur, does she claw stuff? You can always trim her claws.
EDIT: I also have a kitty chair. All three of my cats take turns laying/sleeping in it.
Post # 13
I don’t think this would fly at all with me. In fact, I know it wouldn’t. You love your kitty, your kitty loves you. You taught your kitty how to live with you and made her accostomed to a certain lifestyle, and as her parent you are responsible to see that you uphold your end of the bargain as best you can. I may start looking for a new home for her. Really. She deserves to be with the people she loves. You made her a social cat and she’s crying because she’s outside. I think you either tell your Fiance kitty’s life is changing for the better – because you’re equals and his comforts/wants aren’t any more important than yours – or find her a new home with someone who will love her properly.
Post # 14
The first thing my husband said to me when he came over to my house the first time, while we were dating, was that he hated cats. Well I have two that are my children. I told him, you don’t have to like them just don’t be mean to them. We moved in together and he has never treated them bad. We joke now that they are his cats!
IMHO I would let you FI know how you feel. He doesn’t have to like you cat or even pay it any mind but to put you and your cat in the situation that you are in is disrespectful. He knew you had a cat when he met you, fell in love with you, asked you to marry him. Did he expect the cat to magically disappear?
Post # 15
Eventually he came around despite his monstrous hate of cats–he was attacked by one as a child. it’s a matter of putting the kabosh on his irrational, unfounded fears.
Your husband doesn’t have to like/cuddle/love on them. He just has to be indifferent! This just makes me so sad!
But i think it’s unfair to your cat =(. Your So has no real reason to have issues being around a cat. When i have people over who are allergic to cats–i always use the lint roller to swipe down furniture and i put them in another room.
You could always start by leaving the screened in porch area as an option–open it up so that kitty can come and go as she pleases. If she likes her area enough, she’ll spend time in there. I often find my cats curled up under my bed, despite the fact that i was in the living room all day. Then when she wants attention, she can have it. You know, if you got another one, they could play =]. But i realize that’d probably give your SO a heart attack. You aren’t okay with the situation, obviously–you need to tell him it’s not okay.
Post # 16
I do NOT know what I would do if in this situation. I love cats even though I don’t have one right now. Before FI and I moved in together, my roommate had a great kitty and I loved her like she was my own. FI ‘sort of’ likes cats but gets annoyed with fur and litter box mess. We’ve talked about getting one together, but he’s not fully committed yet, so we’re holding off for awhile (at least I hope it’s not forever 🙁 ).
Anyway, your current set-up just seems to restrictive for your cat. She must miss you as much as you miss her! Definitely try to talk to your FI about this. There must be a better compromise than this.