Post # 1
Today is my husband and I’s 3rd year wedding anniversary, and I thought we were celebrating Friday.
I woke up this morning, ready to go to work, get things done, go to the gym, go home, and prepare because I have someone coming in to observe me tomorrow.
Well, when I woke up, my husband surprised me saying that he had taken the day off work and booked a hotel for us tonight. I was happy that he had made such a kind gesture, but I soon started stressing out about all the things I had to get done for work, I didn’t have anything cute to wear for our anniversary, etc. etc. (I have issues with anxiety).
Well, when my husband noticed my distress, he asked me about it. I told him my feelings, and he got angry. (he has depression/ anger issues which he has just started seeing a psychologist for.) Well, then I was upset. Now, he’s just pissed at me and how I reacted, and I don’t know if he will forgive me.
Is there anything I can do to fix this? I apologized, but it wasn’t the best apology because I said I couldn’t help my reaction. It’s something I’m working on.. I’ve always said how much I hate surprises…
Post # 2
manda21: aw bummer.
Well he did catch you off guard, but i think i would have been really upset if i had tried to surprise SO with something romantic and have them react that way. Did he expect you to take the day off of work? If so, that is a little unrealistic without giving you a heads up or making any arrangements. He cant expect you to drop everything especially with someone coming to observe you tomorrow.
If he expected to just celebrate a wondeful night with you when you got off of work – that is a different story. Freaking out about something to wear was unecessary and adding to your already stressful plate. (not like we all haven’t done it though!) Sometimes you have to take a step back and think – is this REALLY a big deal? Look at the bigger picture of what your husband is trying to do for you.
In any case, you are going to have some making up to do. Is it possible for him to come meet you for lunch…since he has the day off? Can you get off early? Perhaps you could run to the hotel room he got and decorate it – or ask the hotel to! I am not sure what your budget is or if you were planning any gifts – but you may want to consider getting him a little something. I hope you guys can salvage the night and enjoy your evening at the hotel.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Yeah, that’s a bummer. I don’t know how you two will be able to salvage in such a short time considering the issues you each have. I would make the attempt, though. Maybe when you get home you could approach him and see if he’s still in angry mode or if he’s able to move through that to some kind of negotiation.
In the future, you should set some firm expectations about surprises if they cause you this much stress.
Post # 4
thank you both for your feedback. I know I overreacted. And I told him I just need tone to adjust. i have told him many times how much I hate surprises & how stupid i think they are. He even said to me that he knewi didn’t like surprises, but he thought it would be different this time. I feel terribly guilty for how I reacted, but it’s hard for me to control it.
Post # 5
I personally do not feel like you “overreacted”…you reacted like you do due to your anxiety. I think he might have had some unrealistic expectations. <br /><br />All in all, I am sorry you are going through this and I hope things work out ….I do not have a bunch of advice or anything but I wanted to say I really do not think you overreated. It is hard when both people have their own social issues. We have to be mindful. <br /><br />My guy has social anxiety and I have body issues but do great once you get me out of the house. So he has to be my cheerleader until we are at whatever event and I have to be his once we are there….otherwise, one of us will freak out.
Post # 6
manda21: That really sucks. I can understand your point of view, since you’re going to be observed (possibly the most stressful thing ever). Right now, I think stepping back and looking at the big picture would be helpful–in 5 years, you will forget all about this week’s work issues, the observation you’re preparing for, shopping for an outfit, etc… but you will remember sweet things (or the attempts) your husband has done for you forever. I think your hubby here was trying to give you a midweek break…not force you to plan dinner, activities, and sexy lingerie last minute.
What’s done is done, but if you want to give it a try tonight, here’s what I’d do. Table the “no surprises” discussion for another day. Write a note to your hubby about all the wonderful things you love about him, as long or short as your schedule allows today. Pack comfy clothes for tonight–don’t worry about dressing up. You could even order room service so you don’t have to leave the room at all. Other possible activities could be ordering a movie on the TV, trading back massages, or chilling in a bubble bath together. Above all, try to realize your husband’s good intentions, and that you might do even better at work tomorrow after a relaxing evening and good night’s sleep.
Post # 7
To be honest I think given your anxiety and the fact you’re being observed at work the day after means he should have known this wasn’t a smart idea and that you’d struggle with the suddenness of it.
Post # 8
Thank you for the advice. I know he was only trying to make me happy. During past hotel visits he had high expectations. He’s always bringing up those past visits “teasing me” about how I fell asleep. Although, he says he’s just “teasing me,” I feel like I really let him down… and that added to my.. shall we say.. performance anxiety… But, it’s probably my fault for not taking it at face value. I’m constantly overthinking things.
Post # 9
Aww…sounds like just some misunderstandings that turned into something much bigger. First–happy anniversary!! Second, you shouldn’t ever have to apologize for honest feelings. This caused you anxiety and you explained why. Hopefully he’ll get over that and you guys can move past it to have a wonderful night together!