(Closed) Announce our wedding date or keep quiet for now?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: When should we announce our wedding date?
    Now : (48 votes)
    76 %
    After their wedding : (6 votes)
    10 %
    Anytime before their wedding : (9 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Your weddings are 2-3 months apart – that is in NO way stealing their thunder. And people will need to be able to plan to attend yours!  So yes, I would announce it now.

    Post # 4
    699 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would say that it depends on your guest list – if many people have to travel to come to your wedding, 2 months notice may not be sufficient.  However, if everyone is pretty much in the area then you might be able to wait.

    That said, I assume some news will travel – ie you will tell your parents and they may tell more people?

    Can you do a “this is our date,” details will follow Brother and FSIL’s wedding?

    Post # 6
    3375 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would  want to know the date like 4 months in advance if I was a wedding guest so I can plan in vacation time and budget. Normally I find out when the save the dates go out. Are your parents helping pay for both or either wedding?

    Post # 8
    2616 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    ITA w/ mightywombat. You get a day. Not the day before and the day after, let alone 3 months before and after. And, I’m sorry (not you, in the abstract), but I get real tired of the whole “she’s stealing my thunder!!” Both events are celebrations, not competitions. 

    So try approaching the planning under that adage–be excited to hear about her plans and keep her in the loop about yours (if she’s receptive). 

    Post # 10
    2105 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    In my job I have to put in schedule requests quite far ahead of time (and I work weekends, holidays, etc).  So the more notice the better for people like me!

    Post # 11
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @violet25:  I would tell people who ask when the wedding is what date you have selected. But if possible wait to send invitations until after her wedding. Are you planning on sending save the dates? If you expect a lot of overlap, you can ask her when she is sending out her invitations and try to send out save the dates a little before or a little after her wedding invitations go out. But I don’t think you’re at all stealing her thunder since you are getting married 3 months after her.

    Post # 13
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Yes, definitely let people know the date- people might need to plan vacation time, etc, and September would likely be super short notice for some of your guests. If you’re really worried about upstaging your brother/FSIL, you can just send your Save-The-Date Cards and then kind of deflect attention by saying “look we wanted you to have a head’s up for planning purposes but for the moment we as a family are putting our energy into Brother/FSIL’s wedding”. Not that I really think that’s necessary, but it might help save peace if she’s super touchy about it.

    Post # 14
    3720 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I say announce it and then coordinate with your Future Sister-In-Law to make sure your save the dates aren’t sent out the week of her invitations (I would say to give her a month cushion– either send them out now if you can, or wait until a month after her invites go out if she sends them out 8-12 weeks before her wedding).

    FWIW, I find that 90% of the time it is how you approach it– be excited about her day, worried that guests will be able to come to both, and want to be respectful about giving everyone notice. Then ask her for advice and if there is anything you can do to help her with wedding planning. Genuine niceness and caring does wonders to prevent jealousy. 

    EDIT: I saw you aren’t doing Save-The-Date Cards. Just tell them now, be excited, and be excited for him. I am 95% sure my Future Brother-In-Law and his girlfriend will be married before us, when I ask about their plans it isn’t that I am worried about them stealing my limelight at all, I am curious, would love to help, and want to make sure we will be in town to support them. 

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