Post # 1
So DH & I had originally decided to announce after our 12 week appointment with our midwife & I was pretty stoked about it. We’d tell our parents/families & then spread the news to our friends. The “problem” is that we’re planning our (belated) honeymoon & would be going away between 13 1/2 weeks & 15 weeks.
MIL is a pathological worrier & DH doesn’t want her worrying about 1 extra thing while we’re on vacation so he wants to delay our announcement until after we come back. Now, we can’t tell friends until we tell family so that leaves me keeping this secret for another MONTH! Sigh!
I wanted to tell my friends so bad; especially since my rugby team has been asking me where I am ALL season & have wanted me to referee. If I could just tell them why, they’d get off my case but I keep making lame excuses!
So my question to you ladies: Would you delay announcing to protect a worrying relative?
Post # 3
@MrsRugbee: I would not delay…a MIL or mother is always going to find something to worry about whether it’s you being pregnant or something else. You just have to learn how to set strong boundaries and realize that is about her and not about you. I would not…I just found out and I am already bursting to tell someone, but we are still 7 weeks away from that! I can’t imagine waiting until 15 weeks!
Post # 4
It sort of depends on how you think your MIL will act. Will she just be worried but keep it to herself? Then go ahead and tell, she’s a big girl and can deal with it. Will she freak out, call you 100 times to check in and cause you a huge headache? Then I would save yourself the trouble and wait. That may be the selfish way to look at it, but I honestly would go with whatever caused less trouble for me.
Post # 5
@MrsRugbee: I’d announce. She’s probably going to worry about you guys while you are gone anyway. Will it really make a difference if she’s worrying about one more thing?
Post # 6
@Kit_Kath: She’d internalise it. The reason we’re concerned is that she really makes herself sick with worry; she has a lot of stomach problems because of it & DH is concerned such big news so close to our vacation would really push her over the edge. We both really care about her & would want to avoid her losing sleep over it but at the same time I really had my heart set on announcing soon!
Post # 7
I think its pefectly acceptablet to tell a few select people and wait on telling your MIL. Be sure to tell your own mom/select friends that it is not public knowledge yet.
Post # 8
I’d announce! I think that she’d be happy that you’ll be celebrating baby with this honeymoon. Maybe you could swing it that way before she starts? “We’re so excited to have this honeymoon too!” and hopefully she gets the hint to not start worrying… Though worrying is GOING to happen. She’ll see you eating cheese and worry. Does your DH feel badly about it?
I would annouce before, then you don’t have to worry about anything on the trip!
Post # 9
If you tell your friends, will it get back to your MIL? I get that it is very respectful to tell the soon-to-be grandparents first, but I also get anxiety having to lie all the time. My ILs live out of state, so I told a few close girlfriends before we were able to tell them. They will never know (but I honestly don’t think they care).
The other side of the arguement: why exactly will she worry? You will be on vacation with your husband, that isn’t a reason to be concerned. Is he just delaying telling her until the last possible second to ‘save her the worry’? Saving her an extra 10 days of worry, when the pregnancy will last another 7 months, and then there will be a child to worry about forever, really doesn’t make sense to me. And if she worries so much it causes physical problems, I mean this with the best of intentions, maybe she should be talking to a counselor or getting medications to control it. It just isn’t good for her heart.
Post # 10
@MrsRugbee: I’d tell. This is your news and your excitement to share it with all of those you love, it should not be impeded or pushed back to accommodate anyone else – do it on your own timeline. With that being said, is there any way you can help to stop MIL from worrying? What about taping the heartbeat on your phone at your midwife appointment and sending it to her? What about reassuring her you’ll take it easy and be sure to eat properly, not overheat, and not exert yourself too much physically? What about check-ins with her by phone or email while you’re away, telling her how much fun you’re having, how good you feel, and how happy you are? You can accommodate people’s anxiety issues, but don’t live as if these issues are your own. XOX
Post # 11
@MrsRugbee: No, but I look at her being a worrier as her issue and not something you need to cater to.
Post # 12
@MrsRugbee: If she has such severe anxiety, she needs help for it. Trying to avoid telling her anything that may upset her isn’t helping, and you won’t be able to do it forever. What is she going to do when the baby arrives and does normal baby stuff that sends her into a panic – catches a cold? cuts teeth? I think you DH should speak to her gently about dealing with her anxiety.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t delay either.. Like PP said, MIL will always find something to worry about and it’s not her decision. Being pregnant, you are probably worrying about a milion other things, don’t let MIL add to that list and dictate what you want to do, especially exciting things that would make you happy (I am currently pregnant and dealing with the SAME thing…).
I hope everything works out for you!
Post # 14
i would tell if it means that otherwise you have to wait until 15 weeks to tell everyone else. if you can tell others before her, and you think it’s best, then i’d just put off telling her.
but i don’t have to deal with the fall-out 🙂 good luck!
Post # 15
@ThreeMeers: once you tell one person it becomes public knowledge.
Post # 16
@MrsRugbee: why are you making her issue your problem.