Post # 1
Good morning Bees!
So my fiance and I are eloping in 2 weeks. After much stress, decision making, and drama, we decided to go against a traditional wedding and just get married (just the 2 of us). We both live in Chicago and are moving back to Florida (where we’re originally from and where our families live) later in November. We moved in together for the first time when we moved to Chicago, got engaged up here, and now I want to end our journey in Chicago by sealing the deal and getting married up here. So we’re getting married on November 11th.
Naturally, our moms aren’t very thrilled about not being apart of the day, and talking about our wedding is just about the equivalent to planning a funeral, in terms of enthusiasm on their part…. So…. It hasn’t been the “happy moment” I’ve always dreamed of. I tried including them, but they just stress me out with their opinions and input. So Fi and I decided it’s best for it to just be the two of us and they’ll eventually get over it.. I mean, we’re their kids! They love us! They can’t be mad forever, right??….. And we totally plan on telling them at least a week before WHEN we’re getting married. I just have to build up the courage to tell my mom. She’s not thrilled about being apart of the day and she’s makign me feel l ike completel crap about it (I get it, I’m her daughter, she wants to see me get married… but the truth of the matter is that she’s not the easiest to deal with and she REALLY stresses me out.)
So I guess my question for you all is, do we send out announcements to our friends and family?
Every single article I find says that the RIGHT thing to do is to send out formal announcements to our closest friends and family so that they feel “special” and they don’t find out along with everyone else, like Facebook or something. I have no problem with sending out announcements, especially if it’ll make them feel special, but I don’t want the announcements to come off like we’re expecting presents or anything. Do you think that people will think we’re expecting gifts if we send out elopement announcements?? Do we HAVE to send out announcements? Will a “We just got married and wanted to tell you first!” text message, email, or phone call suffice??<br /><br />How did you guys announce your elopements to your dearest friends?
Thanks in advance!
Post # 2
Hey Girl. There may be different opinions from some of the other ladies, but I really think you should reconsider. First, I do think a couples’ wedding should be about the couple and what they want. Everything about the wedding itself (even if it’s at civil hall!) should be left up to the bride and groom. But unless you grew up with abusive or terrible parents (sorry, having a mom that is not ‘easy to deal with’ doesn’t count) then I just think it’s selfish not to invite them. And yes, no matter what you end up doing, your moms will get over it, in that they’ll still love you, but they will ALWAYS be hurt by your decision. You don’t need to invite cousins, friends, etc., but I do think it’s beyond inconsiderate not to invite your parents and siblings.
You don’t have to send out announcements. A formal announcement would be nice, but is not required. Gifts may come, but that’ an indirect consequence of sending the announcemnets. It’s still a special occasion and many people will want to send gifts. Nothing wrong with that, at all.
Post # 3
janejoo219: FML, I just wrote an entire essay explaining EVERYTHING.. and none of it posted! UGGHHHHHH!!!!<br /><br />Thanks for your response…. <br />Basically, I’ve tried including my mom and accomodating her, but she just has a complaint about EVERYTHING. FI and I really want to get married in Chicago and we had previously asked our parents to fly up here to see us get married, and then my mom complained about how it’s not fair that she has to pay for airfare for her and my sister and stepdad to see us get married and how it’s “easier for us to just fly to Florida and get married THERE”… after my FI and mentioned that we REALLY want to get married in Chicago because we first lived together here and got engaged here… Living in Chicago really strengthened our relationship and we want to pay tribute to this city by officially becoming husband and wife here b efore we officially move back to Florida.
I also mentioned all of the other times my mom tried to change my wedding plans [that she was included in], so it’s just easier that we have NO ONE there and just make the day about US becuase my mom has been trying to make this whole thing about HER and what SHE wants. I love my mother. She’s a great mom and human being, but she’s difficult and I just don’t handle stress well (hence the reason why there’s no wedding in the first place).My mom doesn’t even TRY to make things a little bit easier. I’ve been engaged for almost 2.5 years and our moms are the reason why we’ve been engaged for so long… because of all the times they made us change our plans to better accomodate themselves. I’m just over it. <br />So with a heavy heart, I have to do what I have to do to make me happy because the fact of the matter is that I just want to get married. And I feel like I’ve waited long enough. I can’t stress about what she wants any longer. <br />She can do the whole “mother of the bride” stuff when my sister gets married someday. Hopefully it’ll teach her to be more easy going on my sister when my sister gets engaged.
Post # 4
I disagree with the pp saying that it’s beyond disrespectful and so on. If you dont want to invite them, you do not have to. Don’t let her male you feel bad about it.
I can’t give you advice about the announcements because we are eloping but all of our families/friends know and we are still having a reception.
Post # 5
I personally believe announcements are very important & me & FI actually enjoyed having our announcements made. They fit with our theme (yes, we have a theme even for the tiniest wedding in the world) & include a nice message to our loved ones. They are also a nice keepsake for our grandparents who are too old to travel. We’re only doing about 25 for family and very close friends. Unless you mention a registry or a gofundme type account I don’t see why anyone would consider a simple announcement a gift grab.
Post # 6
ksn1219: Thank you. I DO feel bad, and I sort of feel like I’m not allowed to be that “excited bride” due to my guilt. I do plan on telling my closest friends and family BEFORE hand, I just need to chalk up the courage to tell my mother first but I’m hesitant because I know I’m going to get a miserable, somber response from her, which will ultimately make me feel EVEN MORE crappy about getting married. Again, I don’t handle stressful situations well, so the whole thing makes me want to cry. The truth of the matter is that I JUST want to get married to the love of my life and I feel as though I’m not allowed to be excited about it until it happens because of the way my mom makes me feel. I’ve explained this to my mom, her response is “Stoppit, you’re so dramatic!” but SHE’S the reason why I feel the way I do. She literally makes me feel like I’m being irrational about my feelings because of her underwhelmed response about the happiest day of my life– all because she can’t be there. *eye roll* lol<br />But I suppose you’re right.. Since I DO plan on telling our family BEFOREHAND, I don’t need to go through the “formality” of sending out physical announcements because they’ll already know… Right? I just didn’t know if sending out announcments was something I “had” to do or should do. But I’d rather not have to do it if I can get away with it by just formally telling them personally that we’ll be married on November 11th.
Post # 7
fionalouise: Thank you :] You do bring up a valid point as well. I guess it kind of leaves them with a “souvenir”. I’ll definitely consider it then, even though it means a little more work for me and FI during our move. But perhaps they will appreciate the little bit of extra effort.
Post # 8
MsHeatFan: Thanks for the added context. After hearing this, I do agree with you. It does sound like a bit of a nightmare scenario. I still think you should, however, put yourself in a position where there will definitely be no regrets in ten years time. One way to do that is to invite your parents to Chicago maybe a week or a month after the wedding to celebrate. They may complain about it, but they don’t have to come. If they do make the effort, you can treat them to a nice celebratory dinner (although they should obviously be the ones treating you but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen). It would be a nice gesture on your part and maybe would ease tensions, or at the very least, relieve any guilt you may end up feeling down the line.
Post # 9
ksn1219: I wasn’t trying to make anyone feel bad. At the end of the day, the decision not to include a parent in a wedding is a pretty big one and I think reiterating that point is worthwhile. You’re right, at the end of the day it is the couples’ decision who to invite, but just because it’s their decision, doesn’t mean deciding not to include someone isn’t disrespectful (granted, I do understand OP’s situation is difficult and her decision may very well make sense and be the best decision for her).
Post # 10
I disagree with the PP. Having a difficult parent is definitely a good reason not to invite them.
I am eloping for similar reasons. My mother is extremely controlling. So much so that I could not have the wedding I want because she makes everything about her.
At the end of the day, it’s about you and your fiancé. Don’t worry about what everyone else wants. Talk about your plans! Be excited! Don’t let her ruin it.
I think announcements are a great idea. Plus, like other the poster said it could be fun. We are planning on having a photographer at our ceremony so I’ll use one of those pics for ours.
Post # 11
We just recieved an announcement from DH’s cousin. They had a small wedding (Less than 10 people). Personally, we thought it was very tasteful and thoughtful. AND we did want to send a gift but there wasn’t anything on the announcement about it so we emailed the dad.
Also, it seemed like the announcement was also updating that they had moved into a different address. So it helped us update our book.
Post # 12
MsHeatFan: I like how GFerg announced her elopement to their family and friends. You can see it below http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/a-quick-cell-phone-picture-from-our-elopement/ or check on Pinterest for elopement announcements. There are So many cute ones out there!
If you only want a day for just you two then go for it! Maybe you can Skype your ceremony, for your parents. That way they can’t say they did not see you get married. And why is it ok for you guys to pay for the plane tickets and not them? If your mom wants to see you get married that bad then she can fly to you. Good Luck!!!