(Closed) Announcing pregnancy too early.

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@ellabee: that’s why we’re not telling MY mother OR his!!!  Seriously, between those two, keeping it a secret is gonna be nearly impossible.  I don’t mind HIS dad knowing, because he used to be the bishop (or whatever the priests/pastors are in the Mormon religion) and can keep secrets really well.

Hopefully they will have a good pregnancy!!!! 

Oh, and I’ll probably tell the girls in the Infertility thread, since we’re all in it together, lol.

Post # 4
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

This is a hot topic for a lot of people. For us, we waited until 9 weeks to tell our parents and at 13 weeks we’ve still kept it off FB and whatnot. I think that personally, it wasn’t so much being scared of losing it because miscarriage is actually REALLY common and nothing to really be ashamed of. DH wanted to tell everyone right away but I wanted to wait because I wanted it to be something special just between the two of us for a while. And I STILL don’t want to give that up.

Another thing about announcing it on FB is that those who are important enough to know are people who you can call or get together with and tell. 

Post # 5
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think keeping it a secret until the third trimester is a bit extreme (most likely you will be showing long before that).  Additionally, its fun to share the experience with those around you.   We were also very cautious about telling people at first.  Slowly we told our immediate families, then some close friends, then work, and now at 20 weeks I made an announcement on facebook.  

Really, it is up to the couple when they are comfortable telling.  If they want to share on facebook early then maybe they are counting on the support of their friends and family if something does happen.  

Post # 7
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@SecretName: Haha! I was thinking the same thing. Not telling anyone until the third trimester would be crazy hard! 

Post # 8
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Oh, forgot to mention, we’ll tell before around the 2nd trimester, unless I start showing really early, like I did with my son.  Then it’ll be impossible to NOT tell. 

We’ll also have to keep it a secret from my son and daughter.  they can’t keep secrets AT ALL.  especially my 4 year old daughter, lol!

Post # 9
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

The third trimester? Or did you mean after the first? I don’t think you will be able to hide it from people much waiting until your 3rd trimester.

Yea this is a topic that is totally up to the people who are in fact pregnant. After all the trouble we have even trying to conceive, I see now why it would be so hard to keep it in. So yes we would announce early bc WE are comfortable with it, I could care less how others feel. It is not their pregnancy and if something should happen, once again, we would deal with it and if we told you early then you are important enough to us that I am sure you would support us. As far as Facebook, gosh I hate that sight, but I would wait until our first ultrasound to announce. Point is many have opinions about this but it can be amazing how those very thoughts change once you start trying and then actually conceive. I know that for a fact because I was one of them who often thought it was risky annoucing early. Now, I fully understand.

Post # 10
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I really think it depends on a lot of factors. My husband and I aren’t TTC yet, but when we do, we ideally won’t announce the pregancy until after the first trimester because the risk of miscarriage drops substantially.  In addition, most people start to show in the second trimester. 

I will be working as a pharmacist when I am pregnant (almost done with the 7 years of school!), so unless I’m teaching by then, I will be working with teratogenic chemicals – I will need to let others know that I can’t touch the medications for the fetus’ safety.  Even if I am not working with hazardous drugs, I think it’s only fair to give my employer several months notice before I am on maternity leave.

Edit: Just saw you’re edit.  I’m glad you don’t want to hide it until the 3rd trimester!

Post # 11
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

When to tell is a personal decision that each couple gets to make for themselves.  We told our parents/siblings right away as well as our very close friends.  We told people who we would also feel comfortable discussing a miscarriage with.  We also only told people we trusted to keep it off facebook, and we made that very clear each time we told someone.  Our people respected that.

Personally, I think the whole waiting 12 weeks thing is kind of lame.   There can be complications at any time during the pregnancy.  I have heard of people waiting the sacred 12 weeks then miscarrying at 13 or 14 weeks.  Yes, I realize that the chances go down at 12 weeks, but they also go down drastically when the heartbeat is detected.  We ended up telling everyone at about 9 weeks.  We had heard the heartbeat and were done keeping the secret.  It was such a relief to finally tell the world!  But, that was the right time for us. 

Post # 12
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MissGreen: I have to agree with everything you said.

I didn’t keep it a secret with either my first two.  When I found out with my son, I told.  With my daughter, we told immediatly, of course I was also in the 2nd trimester by then, lol.

The next time around, I’d wait simply to make sure I don’t miscarry.  I’d rather NOT everyone know, despite knowing we’d have a boatload of people supporting us and giving us shoulders to lean on.  It’s just not something we want to tell everyone. 

In fact, we have a friend who JUST posted on her FB page that she miscarried prior to her last baby.  She kept it a secret for a couple years, I think.  Definitely over a year. 

So, I guess I can see both sides of the coin, so to speak, because I’ve been there and done that and still doing it. 

Who knows, we might tell our closest friends after the dr’s visit, I don’t know because I’m gonna be a bit afraid of a miscarriage.  But I won’t know until after that day comes.

Post # 13
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@MissGreen: LIKE! I feel the same way…this is OUR pregnancy, not someone else.  I don’t think I need to be responsible for the way someone else feels if I miscarry.  I would tell people if another close family member died (ie a sister , my mom or dad)…society doesn’t dictate that I grieve privately if that were to happen…but for some reason we are told we should grieve privately if our unborn child should die…god forbid we might offend someone with our knowledge that we have lost our child!

Post # 14
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We waited to tell everyone and I ma so glad we did. It wa hard for me but he really wanted to wait. We were going to start telling people at 12 weeks but we miscarried at 10 weeks and waiting made that easier. I didn’t have people talking about it or reminding me all the time. We were able to heal from it on our own. My doctors of course know, and I did tell my boss bc of my health history she thought I had cancer again with all of dr apts.

I think you can tell your close family sooner if that’s what you guys want to do. Just let them know that you are telling them much sooner than everyone else and you trust that they will keep your secret. It’s risky and I’m not sure what you can do to prevent them from telling anyone else other than stressing how important this is to you guys.

Post # 15
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

It’s a personal decision.  We waited until we heard a heartbeat to tell people but anyone who knew me would have probably had a pretty strong inkling by 12 weeks – going from no stomach to a pooch that you can’t suck in gets noticed.  We actually had several people who guessed without us saying anything, apparently I glow when I’m pregnant (or something else and they just phrase it nicely).  But people my husband worked with guessed, my grandmother saw us and guessed, a couple of my friends guessed and this was at like 6-7 weeks, before there was any stomach. 

I’m in my third trimester now and my first trimester is still when I felt the most different as a person.  I also worked with stuff fairly dangerous to the baby and I was a bit ticked off when my boss suggested I should wait awhile to tell people in the lab.  My baby could still be affected by chemicals and viruses that others were working with before 12 weeks and I would feel better with them knowing than them not, my boss made me feel like I wasn’t really pregnant until after my first trimester, which just is not true.  Also working 70+ hours a week in your first trimester it’s good to go take a break and people are a bit more understanding if you go and lay down for a half hour if there’s some explanation, otherwise they think you’ve just developed mono and are scared you’re carrying some disease.   

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