Post # 1
Let me start off by saying this post may be a little long.
A few months ago, one of my best friends got married. I was her maid of honor, which I was very happy about don’t get me wrong. I am recently engaged and she has already assumed that she would be my matron of honor. Okay thats great. I would have no problem with this if she was as good of a friend to me as I am to her. Now I know that sounds awful but I’ve always felt like our friendship is a one way street. I am a very kind giving person and she is more self centered. She went through a break up when we were in high school and I wasnt driving yet so I ran to the store bought a ton of comfort food and walked to her house with 20lb bags. I went through a really rough time with my boyfriend who is now my Fiance and when I needed her she was too busy partying. It seems like everytime she needs me I drop what I’m doing and I’m there for her but when I need something she doesnt really care. I texted her a picture of something really cool that I made for the wedding because I was feeling crafty and her response was “it’s nice.” really two words? i felt pretty blown off. I texted her again and she read the text but didnt answer. As my friend and “matron of honor” I expected her to give more imput, support and suggestions but instead I got two words. I’m a little hurt by this and I was already having second thoughts about her role in my wedding, this just made it worse. I am not trying to make her sound like a bad person because she’s not she just doesnt care about other people as much as she cares about herself. Any advice? Thanks bees sorry for the rant.
Post # 3
i think you are being too sensitive and overreacting.
she is your matron of honor… that means she helps out at the wedding and she plans/helps out at the shower and/or bachelorette.
and she is probably aware that her opinions are not the important ones and is being conservative so that she doesn’t accidentally sway you one way or another.
comparing the attention needed for a breakup to a the attention needed for a diy project is a little extreme…
Post # 4
I think you’re reading a little much into her text.
Post # 5
I agree that I may be overreacting however its the bigger picture. In general I dont think she has been as good of a friend to me as I have been to her and not sure that I want her to be my matron of honor. I would rather have her as a bridesmaid but because she assumed that she was going to be my matron of honor I didnt have the heart to tell her I’m not sure thats what I want.
Post # 6
@CTBride2016: I posted on here a few months ago about a very similar situation with my MOH…now a FORMER bff and just a bridesmaid. Bumping her down to BM status was probably the smartest thing I ever did because it started out with simple lack of enthusiasm and over the course of a couple of months, it turned into flat-out ignoring me. Some people get weird or jealous about weddings and there’s nothing you can do about it.
That said, don’t judge her yet, because I think it’s too soon. You never know, she might have had an off day and took it out on you. I hear what you’re saying about her being selfish, but you made her MOH, and I think you should give her more of a chance to get involved. I think you should keep trying to ask for opinions, and try to have her make some kind of solid plans to help you (e.g. “could you go with me to shop for wedding dresses next month?”) See what happens, and if you’re consistently seeing a negative pattern with her up to about 6 months before the wedding, cut her loose and appoint someone who IS attentive and supportive of you 🙂
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club
Sounds like a lot more is going on then what you posted for you to be steamed.
I would take a deep breath and wait a day or two. You’ll feel better then 🙂
Make a list of what you expect from your MOH and give it to her. Let her decide if she is up to the task of being the MOH with your clear expectations.
Remember: while the wedding is the greatest thing in the world to you, everyone else has other things going on in there lives. Try not to talk strickly wedding with your MOH. Let a few phone calls/ get together finish without you mentioning your wedding or FI. You don;t want your MOH to be sick of hearing about your wedding or you’ll always get, “its nice” answers (or worse)
Good Luck 😀
Post # 8
Friendship isn’t tit for tat. Keeping score to me means you are the one not being a good friend.
Is it disappointing when someone doesn’t live up to your expectations, of course but the thing is that these are your expectations and not her’s.
It is also very unfair to compalin about her because:
1. You made her your MOH. It doesn’t matter what she assumed, if you didn’t want her to be your MOH then you should have said so at the time.
2. You knew what her personality traits were when you agreed to her being your MOH. It is unfair to compalin about a known quantity. Did you expect her to magically change her personality just because you got engaged? I’m sorry people just don’t work that way.
I think you need to lower your expectations of your friend to make them more in line with what you know from experience to expect from her.
Post # 9
@CTBride2016: I personally think you need to relax and lower your expectations.
To me the MOH and Bridesmaids are there to stand up with you on your big day. They should just simply be people that hold a special place in you or your FI heart’s.