Annoyed….

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

woobie8709:  Sorry to put a damper on your party, but I agree with your parents.  However, I’m pretty conservative with my money, so buying a house, having 0 student loans, etc., were all more important to me than having a big wedding.  That being said, only you can decide how to spend your money.

Post # 3
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

woobie8709:  Only you can know what’s right for you. Having raised my kids as a single parent for a number of years,a  BIG ASS PARTY would not have been my choice if I had student loans.

I would rather direct my funds towards paying off debt, and saving for my kids’ future. For all intents and purposes, if you have been together for 8 years and have a 4 yr old, you are equivalent to married already

I would have a small, intimate ceremony and reception.

Post # 5
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

A gigantic wedding lasts one day.

<br />Money saved could potentially help you the rest of your life.

Post # 6
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

woobie8709:  Well I’m not saying to not do it (heck I spent $12k on my wedding), but do it when it’s financially comfortable for you.  Do you have a 6 month emergency savings?  Will you have enough savings leftover?  Is purchasing real estate in the near future?  These are the types of questions that I asked myself before deciding to spend on my wedding.  However, if you decide that these things are NOT as important to you as having a wedding, then have your party and really enjoy it; don’t let other people’s opinions bring you down.

Post # 7
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If your SO isn’t willing to help at all (financially or otherwise), then why are you planning this? He clearly doesn’t want a BIG ASS PARTY, and the wedding is supposed to be a celebration of your union, not a day where you and only get what you want. I would listen to what your partner says and try to come to some sort of compromise. $10,000 is a lot of money when you have loans to pay off and a kid to take care of.

Post # 8
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

woobie8709:  I wouldn’t want to live with the regret of blowing that amount of money. Maybe set the budget for half that amount, have an intimate wedding and take a family vacation at an all inclusive. You would have a week of memories rather than one day, and still have money in the bank.

Post # 9
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

woobie8709:  Similar-ish situation. I don’t care about having a big wedding but it means a lot to FI (he had gone to a lot of funerals in his life, so for once wants to have a nice celebration). I would have preferred a smaller celebration costing less money, but it’s what he really wanted. My parents do not think it is a good idea because we have debt, but we are paying off debt at the same time (which means that we are able to pay it off but more slowly than I would like). I guess what I want to say is … Why is it so important to you to have such a big wedding to not put money towards your debt in place of a lavish affair? Would you be able to scale back just a bit to not make it such a huge financial thing (so that you can still put money towards your debts)? If this is what you really want to do then go for it, so long as you are not going more in debt to do this! As for your FI … I don’t know, other than it sucks that he does not want to be involved. Good luck with everything.

Post # 10
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You said that you are reserved with your money overall, but I think having multiple credit cards you just recently paid off says otherwise =/ For me, the answer depends on how much you have in student loans and how long it will take you to pay those off.  I would be more than just a little bit concerned about paying for your entire wedding solo – your FI doesn’t want to help in any way??

Post # 12
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

woobie8709:  I know that credit cards build your score 🙂 I have two as well but I don’t carry a balance on mine.  It seems odd that you would say “I just paid off my credit cards” then say that it was only 20% charged and no problem to pay off … when people say they paid off their credit cards, I assume they mean they had a moderate balance that they had to try hard to pay off, if that makes sense.  So it sounded to me like you were in consumer debt on top of student loan debt, but if that’s not the case then it isn’t!

Post # 13
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Being a student myself, I am very frugal and would much rather be debt-free than have a big party or wedding that is only one day. Just the way I am though.

Post # 16
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

woobie8709:  A lot of people pay for weddings with student load debt, but it has to be a mutual decision between your and your FI. I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with it, and if he is not, then you guys have to be in agreement. Your finances might be seperate, but he should still know how much you are spending. A lot of people might object to the “I can afford this” attitude with debt. Well, you sort of can afford it, but you still have ‘negative money’ overall because of your student loan. If you have $10,000 in the bank that isn’t your emergency savings, a lot of people would expect that to go to your debt (unless you are getting more interest having it in the bank than you’re paying on your loans). 

I get the desire for a big party, but if your friends and family are out of state, you might end up with a small ceremony anyway, depending on who can come in to town.

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