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MOH forced me to choose btwn family members! (sorta long)

annoyed and frustrated..

posted 2 years ago in Emotional

Member

235 posts

Helper bee

MissDane June 26, 2010

ok these might be a rambling post but i am kind of stewing right now and need somewhere for an outlet..

i currently live in sweden with my fiance and love it over here but my friends back home (US) seemed to have somewhat forgotten about me and the wedding. there are about 5 of us that were inseperable after college. when i visit the us we all pick up like i've never been gone and i talk to most of them on a regular basis but they never ask about the wedding or talk about attending. i know its not until next june but its in italy so i would think there would be a little planning ahead...

we always talked about taking girls trips after graduation...well, the first one they took a week before i moved to sweden and it was planned without even including me (i let it go because i was sure they were just thinking i was busy with the big move). then they recently took another one without me again (again i realize i don't live there) and are talking about next year's trip already (not to me, but to each other). they are planning on another city in the US....what keeps running through my head is they are going to skip out on the wedding some excuse about already having a trip planned.

i waited to make my decision about getting married in italy until after talking to all of them. none of them are bridesmaids (even though i was a bridesmaid in 2 of their weddings) because i am just having my sister to make it more simple. they all were so excited about the wedding and visiting italy. so i made up my mind and started planning for italy. i know that finances/circumstances change but that isnt the case with these girls....they are all really well off.

i know i will have some of my other closest friends there (they are the type that would be there 'hell or high water'!) but i am sad that there is a possibility that the others won't.

i may just be working myself up over nothing (i have a lot of time on my hands since i don't work so maybe i am thinking too much)

ugh...ok, sorry it was so rambling but hopefully it made some sense. i just had to type it out or talk it out somewhere....

2 years ago

Member

19 posts

Newbee

solucky Jan, 1st 2011 NH

I thought i had crazy cousin issues about my wedding !!

That's got to feel awful, I hated when I moved away all of my friends moved on too and Every time we would talk after it just wasn't the same.

Have you tried to tell them how your feeling? I would just ask them to be there and tell them it would mean so much..

2 years ago

Member

4,019 posts

Honey bee

jennifer_espos June 18, 2010 NYC

Don't be sorry for venting! That's what this is for. And I'm not sure that you're overreacting here, but I tend to be sensitive. I think the fact that you're far away may complicate things but that doesn't mean they can't include you in their travel plans. Even if you can't go, and even if they know you can't go, they can at least talk to you about it. I think anyone would feel left out, and that sucks! In regards to the wedding, I'd talk to them now. I think this is a situation that calls for being direct. Ask them if they still plan on coming and let them know how much it means to you to have them there. If they care, they'll be in Italy and any other travel plans will have to be coordinated around it. Besides, who doesn't wanna go to Italy for a wedding?? lol. Good luck with it all. I hope when you bring it to their attention they realize they've been handling things wrong and change their ways.

2 years ago

Member

235 posts

Helper bee

MissDane June 26, 2010

thanks for the advice so far! i completely agree that i should talk to them about it but i am soooo non-confrontational (not that it would be a confrontation). i do think i tend to more sensitive than most...

i was thinking about sending a note to all them telling them how much it would mean for them to be there...and possibly as honorary bridesmaids or attendants. i was in two of their weddings but decided for mine instead of having 9 bridesmaids (seemed odd for a destination wedding) just to have my sis. if i was getting married in the US they would totally be in the wedding...

thoughts?

2 years ago

Hostess

1,052 posts

Bumble bee

BeachBrideT 5/09 Florida

I think it would be good to tell them how you are feeling. I'm not sure that I would say "honorary bridesmaids." I know there are a lot of different feelings on this, but my personal opinion is that if I'm not "good enough" to stand up for you at your wedding, I wouldn't want to be an honorary bridesmaid. To me, it sounds like an excuse that if you give them that title, they will feel more obligated to come.

I 100% understand why you aren't having them as bridesmaids-- I definitely get it. But instead of giving them that "title" I would call them or email them and let them know exactly how you are feeling. i would let them know that you think of them like sisters and you really miss them. Say you are sorry that you are missing out on the girls trips that they are planning, and hopefully after the wedding, you could travel to the States and join them one time. And tell them that you decided not to make them bridesmaids because you didn't want them to feel obligated to buy dresses and shoes and participate in showers, etc after you knew they would be traveling that far, etc etc. Explain it to them- could it be that they are a little hurt that you didn't ask them, so maybe they haven't confirmed if they are coming?

And then at the end of the email, maybe you could ask them if they are coming. Tell them that it would meant he world to you to have them by your side, and if they are planning ot make the trip over, you wanted to start making some plans for you guys, like maybe a "bridal luncheon" where you could honor your friends and perhaps the other women who are traveling to be with you. And you could do a girls dinner or wine tasting in the days before the wedding (because I assume they wouldn't come for just a weekend).

I would definitely reach out to them. By NOT confronting the issue, you are allowing for time to pass where they might be making other plans, etc, because they don't know how you really feel.

2 years ago