Post # 1
I have a mini-rant as well as an advice question! Feel free to ignore the rant and just respond to the question! 🙂
I’m in a wedding in the summer, and I’m one of 5 bridemaids (and not the MOH) for one of my best friends. I’ve been chatting with the bride, and it seems that no one is planning a shower or bachelorette party for her. She didn’t ask me to do anything for her (I live across the country), but she seemed sad that nothing was being done for her, so I offered to plan a girls’ day/night out for her a few days before the wedding when I will actually be in town. I email the MOH to make sure I’m not stepping on her toes, no response. I then email all the girls and ask them if they have ideas for the girls’ night or if that day is convinent for them. No response. AUGUHH!! Why is it hard just to email me back saying "i’ll be in town" or "I’m busy that day"! I’m not asking them to make elaborate plans and stuff. Really I’m just sad for my friend that her other bridesmaids (ppl I don’t know) are such poos. Maybe it’s cause I’m getting married next year and I’m more into the whole planning thing than people in other stages of their lives?
Anyway.. I’m going ahead and planning the day’s events with some friends in our group. The bm’s can come or not, whatever. We’ll also invite local friends to join. Here’s my question – *if* the uninterested bridesmaids come, should/can I ask them to chip in for the bride? (I guess I’m not feeling comfortable asking b/c of the cold shoulder I’m getting from them.) Should/can I ask the friends joining us for the day to chip in? Like her meal, or getting her nails done? Spa treatment? I would like to pay for it, since it’s her day, but I don’t think I can afford to pay for *ALL* of it because I’m a poor grad student. 🙁 What do you think? Thanks for listening to me rant. 🙂
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re frustrated, I can imagine how you feel! As far as the money issues go, I would ask the other bridesmaid and MOH to chip in but not your friends. If I were just going to join and not part of the bridal party, I don’t feel like I have an obligation to pay. If you are going to ask the friends to chip in, then maybe don’t be as elaborate in the activities you plan.
Post # 4
uhm, well, I know this is the 21st century, but what if you try calling them instead of emailing them? Always seems to work better for me.
Post # 5
Candi1024 has a point.
2 of my bms dont check their mail everyday. difficult for me to understand since i check mine several times an hour……
but call them to be sure. just say you shot out an email but wasn’t sure if they got it so you wanted to call to ask them yadda, yadda, yadda.
simple enough. throw in that you hope everyone can pitch in so you all can "treat" the bride to something special. i think this would go over better than admitting you can’t afford it.
Post # 6
Maybe plan something fun but not pricey so you can pay for it all?
My brother got married when I was 19 and no one did anything for my soon to be SIL! So my best friend and I went to Spencer’s and bought a few random things, made some homemade games, whipped up some fun drinks and had a bachlorette party at her parent’s house! It was cheap and a lot of fun – I am sure she will appreciate whatever you put together!
So maybe just do like you are planning – a really fun day – but just make sure you can swing it if the others continue to be "poos"
Post # 7
If it’s going to be a couple days before the wedding, then I’d plan a mani-pedi session for just you, her and any bridesmaids that are interested in joining and have everyone pay for their own services. I’m sure the bride was going to do this regardless, so the cost will already be factored into her wedding budget. If the entire bridal party goes, great! It’ll be a fun event for just the 6 of you. If not, then it’ll be a nice time for the two of you to catch up and exchange wedding planning stories.
After that, I’d organize a group girls dinner for the friends and have everyone (except the bride) split the check equally. That way she doesn’t have to pay and it’s only an extra $5 or $10 pp.
Post # 8
Thanks for all the good ideas so far! 🙂 I actually feel a lot better already just letting it all out.
You’re right Candi & 4Less.. I obsessively check my email so I forget that other people don’t!! I will give them a call! I suck at calling people I don’t know, but I’ll brave it for my friend. 🙂
Post # 9
I think as long as the costs are pretty low- like $20 per person I think that is fine. You should be able to pay the bride’s meals and get a mani/pedi for that. Also, talk to the MOH cuz she should try to be more involved if she has the title.
you are very thoughtful for thinking of the bride and even talking the initiative to plan this. . .
Post # 10
It’s something we always go through during wedding planning. My bridal party was very supportive, each in their own way. But everyone has different expectations of what being in BM means, and duties and responsibilites are often not discussed upfront…we just assume everyone knows!
Since you don’t know the other girls, they might have thought your email was spam. When an unfamiliar name pops in my inbox, I instantly delete. So calling is definitely a great first step.
Even thought the MOH hasn’t taken the initiative yet, I think youstart with her and talk your ideas through. Decide if she will take the lead, and if she still seems unwillingly, you’d be a great friend if you did. I’d suggest to then talk to the others and figure out who is willing to take what on and who’s willing to cntribute monetarily.
Not everyone is a natural leader, but hopefully, by committing to being a BM, the others will be willing to help if someone asks/tells them what to do. Good luck and deep breaths!