Annoyed. Just when we were ready to settle in on a new date…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Another family wedding on same day, so.....
    try to plan it for two months later : (3 votes)
    13 %
    plan it for one month before their wedding : (10 votes)
    42 %
    put the cabosh on it being a surprise, too difficult : (11 votes)
    46 %
  • Post # 3
    6158 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    what about march or april 2014?

    Post # 4
    2915 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    I would be really confused if I got an invitation to an engagement party months and months after the engagement had happened. Try to book it sooner ?

    Post # 5
    845 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We tried to plan a surprise wedding and found it too difficult. We planned a regular wedding and didn’t regret it!

    Post # 6
    1234 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @soonmrswhite:  What about early May OR early June? Is that too close to the other wedding?

    Or you could do a fall wedding, after the wedding season has had a chance to ease up a bit… Or then again, you could do a Early/Pre-Spring wedding as well, but that might be too close to the MIL’s treatments, right?


    About the engagement party cover up… I don’t want to rain on your parade, but I think a few things should be considered:

    – Guests might not bring ”big” gifts because they are thinking it is only an engagement party – They might be saving a better gift for the ”actual” nuptials.

    – Some guests might decline the invite simply because they’d rather wait for the wedding – they might not be able to travel twice and may be disapointed when they find out they actually missed your wedding, not an engagement party :/

    – Sleeping arrangements – Some people might not book a hotel room for an engagement party because they don’t plan on staying too late – if they would have known about the actual wedding, their plans might actually be different then let’s say ”we have to go home to the babysitter”

    etc. etc.


    Just wanted to brings these worries to light… As you can see, I worry a lot, LOL.

    Post # 7
    3570 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would be highly likely to skip an engagement party, but if I later found out that it was the wedding I missed, I would be very disappointed.  A lot of people go away for July 4th weekend, so I think that’s also a bad idea if you’re not being upfront about what the celebration is. 

    Post # 9
    179 posts
    Blushing bee

    O.My.Heart  +1

    futuremrsmp +1

    soonmrswhite  Wow what a creative idea. I’ve never heard of a surprise wedding, but it’s neat. 

    At the end of the day alot of different factors can happen, and there will always be a reason to postpone.

    I say if you guys initially moved from Nov 2013 to  May 2014 so that FMIL could celebrate I would stick with that. If FMIL’s health is an immediate concern but you don’t think others an make it,  then maybe you can do a small private ceremony with your intimate family ( so FMIL can make it), and….

    then throw a BLOW OUT Surprise Party…which turns into the formal wedding ceremony when the dates are right for you.


    Post # 10
    563 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @MrsTVLover:  +1. 

    @soonmrswhite:  How large will your “engagement party” wedding be? I have missed bridal showers and engagement parties due to other plans, but I would not miss the couple’s wedding. If it is a small gathering, you might not have a problem. Depending on how important it is to you that certain guests attend, you might have to tell them that there will be a special announcement at the party, or something they can’t miss! In regards to the cousin’s wedding date–It’s a cousin, not a sibling, so there’s nothing wrong with still getting married in May! I would try to pick a different date to avoid hard feelings. Even if your guest lists are similar, loved ones will make an effort to attend both events. In regards to having a wedding over a holiday weekend, attendance will be low. Most people have traditions or plans set far in advance, so I wouldn’t recommend doing it. We considered having a Labor Day weekend wedding but changed our minds after hearing comments from our families. Good luck with everything & prayers to your MIL <3

    Post # 13
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I can quite understand how dispiriting this all is. However, you might be better to try and forget the surprise “engagement” party on the simple grounds that announcing you are to get married rather than just have a party that turns out to be a wedding means that guests will commit to your wedding in a way they won’t to a party. Also, there is less likelihood of other weddings being booked around your preferred date.

    As for the actual date, unfortunately, I’m a bit of an expert on cancer treatment because of my DH. So although your FMIL might finish her 8th course of chemo around the end of November, this assumes that all the courses go as planned and don’t have to be postponed which is not unusual as the effects increase course by course. Also, I’d be surprised if her oncologist is prepared to start radiotherapy without a break to allow her body to recover somewhat. So it might be that her treatment concludes nearer to the New Year than it does Thanksgiving.

    I think if I were you I’d be looking at March or April for the wedding. I hope your FMIL’s treatment is totally effective but I’d not be putting the wedding back too much just in case the news isn’t as positive.

    Post # 16
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We did something similar to this and several people I wish would have been there (and definitely would have if we had advertised it as a wedding) ended up skipping because it was “just” an engagement party. So be prepared to be very forgiving over people not turning up if you go down this route.


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