Annoying parenting comments like "you just wait and see!!"

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s like they are EXCITED for us to be miserable! I have no recommendations but am looking forward to what other people have to say. 

Post # 4
coyoteBee
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

Ick, sorry you are dealing with that — it’s so frustrating!! Honestly, I just would stop sharing a lot of those details with her. If she straight up asks, just say you haven’t decided how you are going to handle XYZ yet.

Post # 5
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@jules28:  The way to deal with them is to accept them. They aren’t the only people that will make them, trust me. Just smile and nod and internally roll your eyes.

And, you also need to realize, they are partly right. We all have our idea’s of what we’re going to do and what we plan to do. I certainly do not want to cosleep, or hold my baby nonstop, or have the baby sleeping in our room past a few weeks. But I have NO IDEA what’s going to happen. 

The best you can really do is say, I know that anything can happen, I’m not naive to the situation that I have never done this before. But I still have ideas on what I’d like to try.

Post # 6
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think she’s doing this maliciously. I’d just brush it off. You will both, indeed, “see” once the baby is born. Until then, just smile and mentally roll your eyes. 

Post # 7
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ugh, no advice but I feel your pain!! My MIL is a nurse and had 2 boys so obviously she knows everything there is to know about childbirth and raising children! And everyone else’s views are obviously wrong.

I try to ignore it, but it is hard sometimes.

Post # 8
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MsJ2theZ:  I think you nailed it.

I think the real trick is to try and avoid sharing too much of what you plan to do, not just to avoid these comments but also to avoid painting yourself into a corner. I was always very vocal about WE SHALL NOT CO-SLEEP, but then my baby would NOT calm her ass down at 3am one night and I was so, so tired, so I thought maybe if I lay her next to me for a bit she’ll calm down enough to fall asleep … and it worked. And then the next time she wouldn’t calm down, I did it again and it worked again. And now she spends probably 30-40% of her time sleeping in bed with me. And I had to totally utterly and completely eat my words because everyone felt the need to tease me about how I was never going to co-sleep, eh? 

You don’t want to end up like me, having to explain to your MIL that oops, yes, the baby IS now sleeping in your room instead of in a crib, and yes, you WERE right about that, darling MIL! Ugh, imagine how that would feel.

Post # 9
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@iarebridezilla:  Oh my God. I was just describing my CIO experience as one of the many ways I’m eating my words, now that I’m a parent. I feel you there.

@jules28:  I know it’s annoying, but I would see if I could just cultivate a canned response – “Thanks for your advice, I’ll keep that in mind!” Your inner monologue can totally be “STFU!!” but honestly, you ARE going to get a lot of unsolicited advice. It’s good practice to just take what’s useful and discard the rest. (I’m not saying I was GOOD at this technique…but I know I would’ve been happier had I just let it roll off me when I was pregnant. Now, I’m pretty impervious to the comments. “Thanks for your input!” and go on my merry way)

Post # 10
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jules28:  The best thing I’ve learned is to just say “Yeah, we’ll see how it goes, I’m sure not everything will go the way we want it to.”  Or, I try and stave off the comments to begin with by saying “we want to TRY to do XYZ, but we’ll see how it goes…”

It’s definitley annoying but easier to just smile and accept it, and also recognize that to some extent they’re right as annoying as they are and as m uch as we don’t want to admit it!

Post # 12
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@jules28:  I avoid sharing too much anymore because I get tired of the “you’ll end up doing it this way. Trust me” comments. I think it comes down to that. Yes, we are all guilty of oversharing because we are excited, but you really have to pick and choose what you want to talk about. If you still want to share, the best thing to say back to her weould be, “Yup, we sure will!” and just let it go.

I’m dealing with a very annoying MIL, and the thing to rmemeber is you can’t control what they say. You can only control your reaction to it.

Post # 13
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Ugh I know! What kills me is that when we didn’t get pregnant right away having a baby was all my in laws talked about, now that I’m pregnant they act like we are making a bad decision. I play ignorant about 99% of the time because it seems like that’s what they want. I have plans I would like to put in place but I’m not sharing them with anything except DH.

Post # 14
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I always smile as big as I can and nod my head (while throwing up inside).

This is their opportunity to be the sage, wise elders of the ways of infants–And people LOVE to point it out! Which is silly, because absolutely every child is different. What worked with their kids may not work with yours!

But that won’t stop them from suggesting that “you’re CRAZY if you’re planning on doing ______!”

Post # 15
Member
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I think it’s usually because we all start out dreamy eyed with ideas about how it will be. I was famous for “my kid will NEVER do that.” Etc, and then we have kids and it’s nothing like we planned lol.

There will be some things they were right about, and some things you’ll surprise them with. Just enjoy the moment you get to tell them your plan worked when they doubted it.

Post # 16
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@jules28:  It’s not going to end, even after baby has arrived. I have a 4 month old. I was sitting in a restaurant with her and she was being ADORABLE. Laughing, talking, smiling… a woman in a nearby booth was smiling back at her and talking to her, which was nice. Out of nowhere she tells me something along the lines of just you wait, parenting a toddler is horrible. You think it’s hard now, it gets so much harder. I’m like, uh, thanks?

So many people said the “just you wait” before I had my daughter. They were right, it is hard and nothing like I expected, but it’s impossible to explain the mix of emotions/difficulties/awesomeness that come with having a newborn. Saying “just you wait” is SO not helpful and doesn’t help to prepare anyone.

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