Post # 1
Arggh, I am so annoyed with my in-laws!! How do you deal with unsolicited comments/ annoying things that people say when you’re pregnant with your first? I hear all the time from my MIL “Oh, you just wait and see!!” and it drives me up the wall. I understand that my life is about to change, that things will be difficult sometimes, and I will be very sleep deprived. But I am also AWARE of these things, and I feel fully confident that DH and I are going to be great, capable parents. I get so irritated by constantly being told that “I have no idea” what lies ahead. The other day, my MIL even had the audacity to say to in a sweet, condescending voice “aw, you’re so naive.” I could have decked her.
I told her that I wanted to have our baby start sleeping in the crib right away so that she could get used to it and we wouldn’t have to break a habit later on and she said “you wait and see. You’ll want her right beside you when she’s born.” Arrrggggh- I just don’t know how to respond to these annoying comments!!! What is a good way to shut her up??
Post # 3
It’s like they are EXCITED for us to be miserable! I have no recommendations but am looking forward to what other people have to say.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
Ick, sorry you are dealing with that — it’s so frustrating!! Honestly, I just would stop sharing a lot of those details with her. If she straight up asks, just say you haven’t decided how you are going to handle XYZ yet.
Post # 5
@jules28: The way to deal with them is to accept them. They aren’t the only people that will make them, trust me. Just smile and nod and internally roll your eyes.
And, you also need to realize, they are partly right. We all have our idea’s of what we’re going to do and what we plan to do. I certainly do not want to cosleep, or hold my baby nonstop, or have the baby sleeping in our room past a few weeks. But I have NO IDEA what’s going to happen.
The best you can really do is say, I know that anything can happen, I’m not naive to the situation that I have never done this before. But I still have ideas on what I’d like to try.
Post # 6
I don’t think she’s doing this maliciously. I’d just brush it off. You will both, indeed, “see” once the baby is born. Until then, just smile and mentally roll your eyes.
Post # 7
Ugh, no advice but I feel your pain!! My MIL is a nurse and had 2 boys so obviously she knows everything there is to know about childbirth and raising children! And everyone else’s views are obviously wrong.
I try to ignore it, but it is hard sometimes.
Post # 8
@MsJ2theZ: I think you nailed it.
I think the real trick is to try and avoid sharing too much of what you plan to do, not just to avoid these comments but also to avoid painting yourself into a corner. I was always very vocal about WE SHALL NOT CO-SLEEP, but then my baby would NOT calm her ass down at 3am one night and I was so, so tired, so I thought maybe if I lay her next to me for a bit she’ll calm down enough to fall asleep … and it worked. And then the next time she wouldn’t calm down, I did it again and it worked again. And now she spends probably 30-40% of her time sleeping in bed with me. And I had to totally utterly and completely eat my words because everyone felt the need to tease me about how I was never going to co-sleep, eh?
You don’t want to end up like me, having to explain to your MIL that oops, yes, the baby IS now sleeping in your room instead of in a crib, and yes, you WERE right about that, darling MIL! Ugh, imagine how that would feel.
Post # 9
@iarebridezilla: Oh my God. I was just describing my CIO experience as one of the many ways I’m eating my words, now that I’m a parent. I feel you there.
@jules28: I know it’s annoying, but I would see if I could just cultivate a canned response – “Thanks for your advice, I’ll keep that in mind!” Your inner monologue can totally be “STFU!!” but honestly, you ARE going to get a lot of unsolicited advice. It’s good practice to just take what’s useful and discard the rest. (I’m not saying I was GOOD at this technique…but I know I would’ve been happier had I just let it roll off me when I was pregnant. Now, I’m pretty impervious to the comments. “Thanks for your input!” and go on my merry way)
Post # 10
@jules28: The best thing I’ve learned is to just say “Yeah, we’ll see how it goes, I’m sure not everything will go the way we want it to.” Or, I try and stave off the comments to begin with by saying “we want to TRY to do XYZ, but we’ll see how it goes…”
It’s definitley annoying but easier to just smile and accept it, and also recognize that to some extent they’re right as annoying as they are and as m uch as we don’t want to admit it!
Post # 11
@iarebridezilla: Ugh, good point! I’m trying not to share too much information with her, but I think the problem is that I really do not value her judgement. She’s constantly negative and both her and my SIL are the most over-protective people I know when it comes to my neices and nephews (helicopter parenting to a tee). It’s hard not to be vocal and explain that I will be choosing to do many things differently than they do, especially when they bait me with comments like “you wait and see”, trying to express that their way is best. But yes, I agree, I don’t want to be eating my words either. I just wish she would stop saying such patronizing things, like I’m some kind of an idiot. I trust my own judgment and intuition much more than hers and I would appreciate it if she would recognize that my husband and I will figure out what is best for US.
Post # 12
@jules28: I avoid sharing too much anymore because I get tired of the “you’ll end up doing it this way. Trust me” comments. I think it comes down to that. Yes, we are all guilty of oversharing because we are excited, but you really have to pick and choose what you want to talk about. If you still want to share, the best thing to say back to her weould be, “Yup, we sure will!” and just let it go.
I’m dealing with a very annoying MIL, and the thing to rmemeber is you can’t control what they say. You can only control your reaction to it.
Post # 13
Ugh I know! What kills me is that when we didn’t get pregnant right away having a baby was all my in laws talked about, now that I’m pregnant they act like we are making a bad decision. I play ignorant about 99% of the time because it seems like that’s what they want. I have plans I would like to put in place but I’m not sharing them with anything except DH.
Post # 14
I always smile as big as I can and nod my head (while throwing up inside).
This is their opportunity to be the sage, wise elders of the ways of infants–And people LOVE to point it out! Which is silly, because absolutely every child is different. What worked with their kids may not work with yours!
But that won’t stop them from suggesting that “you’re CRAZY if you’re planning on doing ______!”
Post # 15
I think it’s usually because we all start out dreamy eyed with ideas about how it will be. I was famous for “my kid will NEVER do that.” Etc, and then we have kids and it’s nothing like we planned lol.
There will be some things they were right about, and some things you’ll surprise them with. Just enjoy the moment you get to tell them your plan worked when they doubted it.
Post # 16
@jules28: It’s not going to end, even after baby has arrived. I have a 4 month old. I was sitting in a restaurant with her and she was being ADORABLE. Laughing, talking, smiling… a woman in a nearby booth was smiling back at her and talking to her, which was nice. Out of nowhere she tells me something along the lines of just you wait, parenting a toddler is horrible. You think it’s hard now, it gets so much harder. I’m like, uh, thanks?
So many people said the “just you wait” before I had my daughter. They were right, it is hard and nothing like I expected, but it’s impossible to explain the mix of emotions/difficulties/awesomeness that come with having a newborn. Saying “just you wait” is SO not helpful and doesn’t help to prepare anyone.